(Trigger Warning!!!) To think labour pain is not respected by healthcare professionals?

[Goldfishshoals]

Warning: you probably don't want to read this if pregnant/about to give birth!

Three weeks ago I gave birth. I had back labour - truly agonising. The pains started on Friday, but because they were about five-six minutes apart they were arbitrarily considered 'pre-labour' rather than actual labour (despite hurting as much as 'real' labour pains). They continued like that for four days, in which time I obviously got no sleep. I called the midwife for help several times and was fobbed off with 'take paracetamol', which unsurprisingly did bugger all for the intense stabbing sensation in my back every contraction. After one call in which I cried they let me come in (30 mins car ride there and back in pain!) and have a single dose of coedine (barely took the edge off) before sending me home.

On Tuesday my waters broke so I was finally allowed in the hospital for monitoring - I pretty much immediately begged for pain relief. 'of course you can have some!' said the midwife breezily before buggering off for fifteen minutes leaving me in pain. Then she came back and said she just had to ask a few questions then 'we'd see' about getting me some pain relief... I did eventually get given some gas and air.

My contractions never became more frequent on their own and eventually I ended up being induced with epidural - which wore off just in time for me to be fully dialated. First they said they'd get me more - then they said it was too late and gave me gas and air - which they took off me again when it was time for pushing. I begged for pain relief (for anything!) and was ignored. I struggled to push but the pain was overwhelming and stopped me being able to push fully. Baby eventually delivered with forceps, and episiotomy which I could barely feel in contrast to the agony I had been in.

I had third degree tear which needed stitching, and suddenly everything changed. I had an anaesthesitist numb me fully, and keep checking my pain levels for the theatre, I had a few days in hospital with three types of pain relief thrown at me, and I was sent home with boxes of unnecessary coedine etc, for the incredibly minor soreness of the stitches.

When I compare other hospital visits (for being run over by a car as a teen, and a more recent dvt) it's a similar story. My pain was taken a lot more seriously and I was given better pain relief much more quickly, despite them not being nearly as painful as my back labour.

I realise not everyone has back labour, and some people have much less painful births (lucky cows) but surely having high levels of pain isn't that unique? So why wasn't it treated seriously? The only thing I can think of is that labour pain just isn't respected. Aibu to think this?

Let's hope SS listens and policies/resources change for the better

Weird sexist vibe on this thread.

These issues are only relevant to women because only women give birth and of course there are a range of experiences (many negative) that women experience in hospitals because giving birth is inherently uncertain until it happens

For what it's worth the lovely lady who did my epidural was completely shut down by the midwives when she suggested I get more doses of ibuprofen/paracetamol than they were currently allowing as I had an episiotomy (she came and saw me the next day). She basically told me to go down to the pharmacy onsite and buy my own and self medicate. So my experience has been that the 'natural midwife-led' approach can be equally or more damaging as the clinical side being slow to give the drugs.

YANBU OP. My first was a similar experience where I was disbelieved about the pain - I was given the hormone drip without any medication and it set off some crazy irratic contractions that were really long and with no break, then suddenly a ten minute gap. Eventually had epidural and a ventouse delivery. Stitches which I barely felt.

The second was a 3 day labour but the experience was so much better. I had the best midwife, she was an absolute angel, totally on my side, said of course to my epidural at 4cms. Topped me up regularly. She was the only one who realised I'd never birth my massive baby naturally, as soon as she felt the bump she knew. 1 day later she arranged a CS for me but a change of shift meant we had to argue our way to an emg CS with the new team. Baby was over 10lbs and the doctor apologised.

I am having an elective this time, there's no way I'm dealing with all the uncertainty.

My first was back to back, and 27 hrs. Started slow, but was given a birth pool etc. After a few hours I was told I wasn't progressing and transferred to surgical unit by ambulance. There I was ignored. Treated roughly as the bed was banged and thumped while DH complained, docs coming in and examining without even a hello (each time DH would stop them and ask who they were, could they tell me what was happening etc), a midwife doing paperwork in the corner of the room ignoring the monitors dropping out etc while we panicked. Anaesthetist telling me very roughly to keep still as a contraction hit hard while he was looking at me. Not being told the forceps were being used and an episiotomy done. Having to beg for a sip of water. Hearing her being weighed but not making much noise and repeatedly having to ask if she was ok. Then put on a ward on which the lights stayed on all night while people chatted on their phones and loudly watched TV. Hell.

#2 very different. Opted for a different hospital due to experience with #1. Nearly ended up with a home birth as he was so quick. Dh had to keep paramedics organised as they stood on one side of the living room watching me, debating whether they could get me out of the house. Finally persuaded them to get the gas and air. He appeared en route to the hosp in front of a horrified paramedic Pete. Quite a different experience once there though, warmly welcomed, efficient midwives sorted me out and reassured me that the horrific shaking was shock and would pass. Quickly stitched up by a surgeon and an anaethetist both of whom spoke to me and explained what was happening, noticed me getting anxious about the machines and moved them, commiserated and joked when appropriate. Postnatal ward still pretty shite but I got out of there as soon as I could persuade them to let me out.

#3...May end up being a CS due to previous damage.

persis your posts really resonate with me. I have twins and a singleton - traumatic, long hospital stay with the the twins in NICU (and certainly no vb which all the antenatal appointments and classes had focused on) and a homebirth with the singleton. I didn't know if twin 1 was alive after because they didn't show him to me and he didn't cry. As soon as I was in recovery I sent my DH to NICU to take a photo to prove that twin 1 was alive. The disconnect was so weird. For weeks and weeks after their birth I thought they would be taken away and everything would go back to normal. The complete opposite happened with the homebirth of my singleton - skin to skin, massive oxytocin rush, overwhelming love for my baby straight away. It wasn't my fault how it turned out but I feel guilty about the twins birth and how I felt about them afterwards compared to their sister. Horrible feeling.