(Trigger Warning!!!) To think labour pain is not respected by healthcare professionals?

[Goldfishshoals]

Warning: you probably don't want to read this if pregnant/about to give birth!

Three weeks ago I gave birth. I had back labour - truly agonising. The pains started on Friday, but because they were about five-six minutes apart they were arbitrarily considered 'pre-labour' rather than actual labour (despite hurting as much as 'real' labour pains). They continued like that for four days, in which time I obviously got no sleep. I called the midwife for help several times and was fobbed off with 'take paracetamol', which unsurprisingly did bugger all for the intense stabbing sensation in my back every contraction. After one call in which I cried they let me come in (30 mins car ride there and back in pain!) and have a single dose of coedine (barely took the edge off) before sending me home.

On Tuesday my waters broke so I was finally allowed in the hospital for monitoring - I pretty much immediately begged for pain relief. 'of course you can have some!' said the midwife breezily before buggering off for fifteen minutes leaving me in pain. Then she came back and said she just had to ask a few questions then 'we'd see' about getting me some pain relief... I did eventually get given some gas and air.

My contractions never became more frequent on their own and eventually I ended up being induced with epidural - which wore off just in time for me to be fully dialated. First they said they'd get me more - then they said it was too late and gave me gas and air - which they took off me again when it was time for pushing. I begged for pain relief (for anything!) and was ignored. I struggled to push but the pain was overwhelming and stopped me being able to push fully. Baby eventually delivered with forceps, and episiotomy which I could barely feel in contrast to the agony I had been in.

I had third degree tear which needed stitching, and suddenly everything changed. I had an anaesthesitist numb me fully, and keep checking my pain levels for the theatre, I had a few days in hospital with three types of pain relief thrown at me, and I was sent home with boxes of unnecessary coedine etc, for the incredibly minor soreness of the stitches.

When I compare other hospital visits (for being run over by a car as a teen, and a more recent dvt) it's a similar story. My pain was taken a lot more seriously and I was given better pain relief much more quickly, despite them not being nearly as painful as my back labour.

I realise not everyone has back labour, and some people have much less painful births (lucky cows) but surely having high levels of pain isn't that unique? So why wasn't it treated seriously? The only thing I can think of is that labour pain just isn't respected. Aibu to think this?

I was lucky enough to have a mostly pain free labour and only used a bit of gas towards the end. Another woman down the corridor was screaming and my midwife said "Don't worry, she's just about to get an epidural, poor love."

However, I know that I was lucky there, possibly in part due to having a high pain threshold because of having chronic pain anyway. I also used to have awful periods that whilst not heavy would have never vomiting and passing out from the pain.

It took years for them to be taken seriously. XP became used to picking me up of bathroom floors, at home or in public bathrooms, because I'd come on unexpectedly. I had hospital admissions for suspected ectopic pregnancies only to be told it was 'probably IBS'. Finally I found a sympathetic male GP who suggested I try the contraceptive implant and it stopped my periods, therefore stopping the pain. All the years I'd been seeing female GPs thinking they'd understand and I just kept getting dismissed.

Years later when my GP surgery went digital and I was able to look through some of my medical notes online I found out they'd added a diagnosis of Endometriosis (complete with letter from Gynaecologist about how to manage things). I'd never been told, and none of the Gynaecologist's advice had been followed.

I know my experience is not the same, but I feel it relates because women's pain in general is rarely taken seriously. I was lucky with birth but I would never dismiss another woman who needed more pain relief than me. Likewise I hope that other women would be supportive of me and not disbelieve me that just because my periods (when I have them) are light they are not incredibly painful.

for all of you who have had such painful births and left feeling angry, scared and/or upset by people who are supposed to care. I suppose it could be seen as compassion fatigue, but that's no excuse to deny someone in pain appropriate relief.

*me not 'never'

Sweeping - I agree. Mine was a VBAC and I was initially promised a 'low threshold' c section. I.e. If labour didn't go well they would intervene. But by the time there were issues I was sent home as they didn't have a bed and told if I really wanted they would book me in for a ELCS In 7 days time! This after 72 hours of constructions every 4-6 minutes.
The doctor did talk of inducing me and left me to talk to DH but while she went to lunch I was asked to leave by the midwife - cos she didn't have room for me. That was the Friday. The contractions starting on the Wednesday morning. DS came by EMCS on the Sunday.

I have the same story as the woman in the article - torsioned ovary. I complained of pain for months and was told it was normal period pain. It ended in emergency surgery. The fallopian tube was turning gangrenous and they had to cut it out. I pride myself on not being a complainer, but I was saying 'look, this isn't normal period pain' and not one doctor believed me.

I had a cow of a midwife tell me I couldn't possibly be in pain after an epidural (it had fallen out which was not discovered till later). I then had forceps and episiotomy and felt everything.
My husband says he still has nightmares about the blood curling scream I let out with the forceps.
When they out DS on my chest I just felt buchered and shouted "get him away from me"
I then lost two pints of blood which took ages to stop and then was dumped on a ward, husband made to go home and I was that weak I nearly dropped DS.

That still haunts me and I was diagnosed with PTD and PND. I do not felt I bonded with DS until he was about 2, I looked after him or course but he could have been anybody's, If someone had taken him away during that first two years I don't think I would have been bothered.
Nearly four years on I still have nightmares but I love my DS fiercely but feel our first two years was ruined by a totally sadist midwife.

Not to mention the state of me down below.

Meant to add that one of the fundamental, time-honoured tenets of misogyny is the idea that the pain and fear of childbirth is in some way a punishment - for being female and for having sex.

Sad that the NHS seems to embrace the idea in 2017.

I had a two day labour and the midwife took the gas and air off me as she said I couldn't have it until I was 4cm. I nearly cried.

Pigface/Forsythia it's odd really as the treatment I had abroad (elsewhere in Europe) was not very "chatty" and a bit cold but nonetheless v professional and I was never really allowed to be in excruciating pain. Also, had own room for entire recovery and dh allowed to sleep on camp bed beside mine. Of course cost is a huge factor as where I live you have to have mandatory heatlh insurance (but not like US because it is strictly means tested and insurance companies are non-profit making). But there isn't the same emphasis on money saving in terms of drugs or personnel as there in UK which changes things hugely I think.

And there is, as you say, a huge emphasis on post-natal health (for example I had eight weeks of post natal physio classes included in my insurance package which is seen as standard - and option to have more if deemed necessary. Also optional baby yoga! I was very lucky!)

It rests a lot with the midwives, and the drive for 'natural birth'. When an anaesthetist is called for an epidural the standard is to be in the room within 30 minutes, and to justify why not if it's not possible.

I was on all fours resting my head on a chair when my pains started, I'd gone from nothing at all to 10 seconds between contractions. I was bloody mooing! The pain was mainly in my lower back. I got told to stop being so ridiculous HELLO A BABY IS TRYING TO GET OUT OF MY &£@!?#%!! Thankfully got a section soon after and got brilliant pain relief. This was abroad.

Had another section recently in the UK and got paracetamol/ibuprofen after It was a relief to get home and take my own strong ones. I'm lucky I had access to some! I felt sorry for the women I overheard in early labour who were begging for something but they couldn't get it. I don't understand.. surely a constant supply of gas and air at least?

Totally agree Rhoda about severe period pains and menopausal gynae issues not being taken serously by GPs. I have friends who have been suffering for years ... going round and round in circles ... it's horrible.

Isithormones so sorry you had to go through that; what an ordeal - my sister endured something v similar.

sweeping out of interest which country do you live in? (No need to say if you don't want to!)

I also feel the drive for natural contributes to pnd amongst women who don't "succeed". This whole dialogue about how we can plan for it and so on... it basically puts the onus of failure on the women

Ps I don't consider it failure. My dd was a very late booked elcs which I fought tooth and nail for because my spd was so bad a could barely walk and didn't have enough lateral movement in my legs to birth a pencil. It was only booked 2 days before because they didn't believe me until the head midwife examined me. We've not had another bit if we do I will be demanding a section from the second the piss dries on the stick.

Hands up I have no children, and am an ex HCP and I agree its barbaric.

The irony of working on a surgical ward where post abdo surgery patients weren't allowed move in the bed at all, for the first 24 hours had to be helped with everything, plenty of pain relief, encouraging patients to take it before any movement etc.

Then going home changing and rushing to meet my new nephew, and seeing my tough as old boots sister sobbing in pain, 5 hours post emergency CS, been told to get on with it you've got a baby now. When I asked for pain relief for her she was offer paracetamol, when I pointed out that wouldn't even touch the sides, I was treated to a condescending lecture about how 'Mummy'.....had to think about how drug could pass through the breast milk and they knew best.

I replied with an equally condescending lecture about knowing their patients medical history and the fact that DSis had been advised by her (Oncology) Consultant not to breastfeed and this was plastered all over her notes.

It was drummed in to us from day one as student nurses Pain is what the patient says it is (along with if its not written down it didn't happen).

What's happened to that?

Yanbu. What I find hardest is that we get this shaming attitude to our pain from other women - ie some (not all) of midwives. For me, compassion care & emotional support would have been as valuable as any medical pain relief. I'm another one who laboured v fast for my first birth. I was actually on the antenatal ward, where I'd been to be induced. Waters broke & I dilated 1-10 cm in 2 hrs. Screamed with fear from the non stop contractions. Genuinely thought I was dying, couldn't understand why no break in between contractions as nct had taught. MW told me I was handling my pain badly. I begged to go into a birthing room or have G&A. Told I was staying on the ward with no G&A til I was 4cm, which would be hours away. I sought privacy in a toilet & laboured on the loo floor, bleeding heavily from the fast labour. MW only checked me when I found a dark corner in the corridor & started pushing baby out. I had PTSD and PND, horrendous difficulty trying to BF. I am still so angry with hospital for leaving me on a toilet floor & the shame of being told I just couldn't handle my pain. I'm now pregnant with my 2nd, and MW shocked when I asked for ELCS to avoid another fast labour. Given the ridiculous line that "no two births are the same, it will be fine next time, why do you want s scar when you managed to push your baby out naturally last time?" The scar in my mind from last time may not be visible to her but I sometimes feel it will never go away.

Meant to add that one of the fundamental, time-honoured tenets of misogyny is the idea that the pain and fear of childbirth is in some way a punishment - for being female and for having sex

Presumably the extension of this is that gynaecological problems are punishments for our dirty female anatomy.

First labour, induced, 22 hours ending with epidural after 20 hours. Very painful fast contractions for hours and hours before on just gas and air and barely any progress. Medical were really good. I had pre-eclampsia and had refused an amnio so high risk of Down's syndrome so maybe I was one to be watched. The pushing stage was slow but painless (although I could feel).

Second labour. Not induced, completely different circumstances. Easy pregnancy. Oh, it was a fast one and a big baby for a small person. I was left alone apart from when they needed to examine me. It came to the pushing stage and I was told no to any pain relief, only gas and air. However the pushing stage after 3 hours labour was absolutely frightening. It caught the MW out as well. Literally my DD decided it's now and it's going to be bloody quick.

I started to panic and say I'm not ready yet and started to get upset (contractions were pretty dire at this point with just gas)

"Oh, come on! You've done this before!"

My response.........

"Fuck off" and I meant it.

It's the being treated like a child that upset me the most. I was induced and said I was in pain, having contractions and wasn't even examined, just given some paracetamol and told to go to bed. I kept on saying I thought I was in labour and was told I wasn't. Then the midwifes changed shifts, the new midwife came to say hello, put her hand on my stomach and said "oooh, how long have you been having contractions?", did a trace of the babies, screamed for the doctor who was about to leave the ward and I had a crash caesarean for fetal distress. Which had prob been going on all night as nobody had checked, and DD was poorly when she was born (thankfully fine now).

All mums will try their best and want what is best for their babies. This should be the starting point for how we are considered.

YANBU OP - my first birth could have been your experience to the letter. When they finally dragged my 9lb 13oz baby out of me with Kielland forceps I basically shut down. Didn't want to look at her, didn't want to hold her, didn't care what gender, I just wanted to close my eyes and go to sleep. I refused to be stitched back together and demanded a general anaesthetic - which they gave me.
I honestly think I had PTSD afterwards, 9 years later the memories have not lessened, I'm still horrified when I think about the trauma I went through. I'm considering some counselling actually.

Ilooked I think you understand perfectly what I'm saying you are just enjoying being superior and pedantic.

Ironic really, given the thread.

When I say I want a baby more than anything I do honestly mean it,(we are trying right now!!) but bloody hell if this thread isn't insanely offputting.
I'm no stranger to hospital and I've seen busy staff etc pain relief has taken a little longer to get to me sometimes, I've had abdominal surgery several times and broken bones etc, the worst one was when I broke my neck, after a while the neck pain wasnt awful but having to lie still was giving me the worst cramps so I'm no stranger to pain either or painkillers.
Now I realise that labour will probably be the worst pain I will ever experience and that the people who's job it is to help me through it May not help alleviate the pain when requested!! Where does that mindset come from, i want to know that my midwife and doctor/surgeon are focused on me and my baby's wellbeing not rushed and missing things.
I can see why many people go private, I wish it was an option and I know it's not a 100% garuntee, but it sounds a hell of a lot more reassuring.

Wow backyard. Mine was nowhere near like yours and I've never forgotten mine either, or MWs attitude. I'll never forget the fear and feeling out of control and zero sympathy or empathy for that matter.

Mine was 21 years ago. Some of these stories are just awful.

you know what really fucks me off?

induction on a drip, without a mandatory epidural

having had 2 births, I now realise how agonisingly intense the pains are with that drip. ugh

natural pains were manageable in comparison

AND, I think there is going to be a bias of women on this thread who has unusually vile births

PREGNANT LADIES- I ENJOYED MY BiRTH WITH DS2 AND HE WAS 9.5LB

really, I enjoyed it! no negativity, and my first birth was fairly...full on

YANBU ... But I have watched a relative die and they got no relief either, despite me literally chasing doctors.

Meant to say Rhoda can't believe that you weren't told Another example of prevalent infantilising attitude as shown in examples of Persisford and others

Itscaketime coming from a hcp that is a very enlightening (and worrying) post

dustpan

So all these stories of avoidable suffering