(Trigger Warning!!!) To think labour pain is not respected by healthcare professionals?

[Goldfishshoals]

Warning: you probably don't want to read this if pregnant/about to give birth!

Three weeks ago I gave birth. I had back labour - truly agonising. The pains started on Friday, but because they were about five-six minutes apart they were arbitrarily considered 'pre-labour' rather than actual labour (despite hurting as much as 'real' labour pains). They continued like that for four days, in which time I obviously got no sleep. I called the midwife for help several times and was fobbed off with 'take paracetamol', which unsurprisingly did bugger all for the intense stabbing sensation in my back every contraction. After one call in which I cried they let me come in (30 mins car ride there and back in pain!) and have a single dose of coedine (barely took the edge off) before sending me home.

On Tuesday my waters broke so I was finally allowed in the hospital for monitoring - I pretty much immediately begged for pain relief. 'of course you can have some!' said the midwife breezily before buggering off for fifteen minutes leaving me in pain. Then she came back and said she just had to ask a few questions then 'we'd see' about getting me some pain relief... I did eventually get given some gas and air.

My contractions never became more frequent on their own and eventually I ended up being induced with epidural - which wore off just in time for me to be fully dialated. First they said they'd get me more - then they said it was too late and gave me gas and air - which they took off me again when it was time for pushing. I begged for pain relief (for anything!) and was ignored. I struggled to push but the pain was overwhelming and stopped me being able to push fully. Baby eventually delivered with forceps, and episiotomy which I could barely feel in contrast to the agony I had been in.

I had third degree tear which needed stitching, and suddenly everything changed. I had an anaesthesitist numb me fully, and keep checking my pain levels for the theatre, I had a few days in hospital with three types of pain relief thrown at me, and I was sent home with boxes of unnecessary coedine etc, for the incredibly minor soreness of the stitches.

When I compare other hospital visits (for being run over by a car as a teen, and a more recent dvt) it's a similar story. My pain was taken a lot more seriously and I was given better pain relief much more quickly, despite them not being nearly as painful as my back labour.

I realise not everyone has back labour, and some people have much less painful births (lucky cows) but surely having high levels of pain isn't that unique? So why wasn't it treated seriously? The only thing I can think of is that labour pain just isn't respected. Aibu to think this?

YANBU and I wish more medical experts would take note of this. I had a very, very messy off plan birth with DD. This was in a foreign country, but supposedly with a great healthcare system. Was in hospital for a couple of weeks there with DD mostly, flew home later. Couple of days after that I was back in hospital at home with something that had gotten worse since labour and should have been picked up on then. I know they're only human, but it was so much worse than it needed to be had it just been dealt with. It was also pretty much the last thing I needed at the time and I'm still not over it.

Oh perisiford you poor
Love. I remember when I finally waddled in to the hospital after 4 days at home of 5 mins apart contractions a lovely midwife and consultant watched a contraction and said "what a beautiful contraction. You're doing so well. You're really brace" written down it's sounds so patronising but I got through hours on the high of that praise. I thought I must be so wonderful at this. Apart from
The pain relief debacle it improved my labour loads. Just goes to show how important it is

This really gets me angry, so YANBU.

My first labour, I had contractions 2 minutes apart from the beginning. For over 16 hours.

I was told to stay at home, as it was the first. Have some paracetamol.

I went to the hospital in agony, contractions 1 minute apart lasting 1 minute. Screaming for pain relief. Told no. Only 2 cm dilated, not established labour, apparently.

Took a good 12 hours of back to back contractions before I was 'allowed' gas and air. Fuckers. Took it away for pushing stage.

Couldn't even get paracetamol afterwards, even though I had torn and I was in so much pain. No sympathy.

Second labour, I refused to leave the hospital despite being told it would be a while longer. Same again. Contractions 1 minute apart. No time to even talk. Like letting blood out of a stone getting gas and air out of midwives. Eventually got some. Took it away for pushing stage.

Third one, home birth. I was having gas and air when I wanted (or so I thought). Called the midwife, and laboured pretty much all day alone. She came for the last 3 hours, and the pushing stage was within that at 90 minutes. No one was going to take the pain relief away from me without being murdered.

I fucking hated all my labours. So vulnerable. So desperate. Akin to torture being denied pain relief.

Do you go to the dentist for root canal and the dentist says 'well, see how you get on without pain relief. If half way through you feel you can't cope, just let me know'

Or in a traffic accident with a broken leg. Does the paramedic say 'hmm. give it a few more hours. If you're still screaming in pain, I'll see what I can do'.

My god this is therapeutic.

Only women get treated like this.

Period pain - it's only a period. Get on with it.
HG Sickness in pregnancy - pregnancy isn't an illness
Labour pain - it's supposed to hurt. What did you expect?

and also

Instasista - you're right, praise and sympathy goes a long way x

That's lovely insta. With my elective section I was constantly encouraged and told I was doing well....when I wasn't doing anything at all!! It really makes a difference. I wish I had had a lovely contraction. Like everyone else, I was trying as hard as I could to do the right thing.

Totally agree about pregnancy sickness too!

Brave not brace. Ha ha ha! gluteus I love your angry post

I totally agree, I was left feeling like I'd done something wrong after my labour, when DS was back to back (I only found this out after) and I was pushing for 3 hours! I'd done hypnobirthing and was so determined to have a positive experience, that when it hurt so much I felt like I was being turned inside out I thought I just hadn't relaxed hard enough

I managed without pain relief though a combination of naivety which convinced me I could cope and sheer bloodymindedness that I would do this on my own, and by the time I wasn't coping it was too late and I just had to grit my teeth and hope it ended bloody quickly. Ow, is all I can say, and next time I will be thinking much more seriously about my options for pain relief! It's so tough though, as actually there aren't that many options if you don't want an epidural (which I really didn't at the time and still don't).

It makes me very angry reading these stories. Definitely needs sending to someone high up in NHS midwifery to ask how they are going to change the culture to stop inflicting needless pain on women.

YANBU. Also pain in pregnancy generally really, I had severe pain from spd in first pregnancy, I was basically left barely able to get out of bed or to the toilet at home for the last 8 weeks while being told all I could have was paracetamol. I went overdue and begged for an induction, couldn't sleep and couldn't move and they grudgingly agreed to induce me at 40+5 as apparently "maternal discomfort" isn't a reason for induction....

I think they've updated the nice guidelines since then though to include referral to pain clinic and opioid patches if required.

Dear Lord this takes me back. I am horrified to think so little has changed. I had my two DCs over 40 years ago. Second one a home birth with a lovely midwife.

First one: I won't go into the details except to say it is a big fat lie that you forget the experience once it's over. 48 years on and I can remember every agonising moment of the several days' back-to-back labour, Keillands, tears, ruptured bladder and the inhuman way I was treated. All capped off by the words "that baby's going to die if you can't get more (breast) milk into it" from a so-called midwife.

Nowadays they would recognise my PND as PTSD I suppose.

And they wondered why I refused to go into hospital the second time.

I didn't realise so little has changed in 4 decades.

It's all gynaecology conditions I think. I had major vulval and urology surgery at 19/20 . I was given 2 paracetomal afterwards - I had 30 stitches and was howling in pain with a fanjo as big as a mango. The doctor said I'd be fine with simple over the counter drugs. I didn't walk for 5 days, I had to have GP home visit hours after discharge, lovely lovely doctor who couldn't stop apologising and sorted analgesia out.

Had an attempt at a coil fitting about a year ago , I was crying before she'd even started due to past experiences. When they put a 'tenaculum' in and yanked my cervix down I yelped and asked them to stop. The doctor shouted at me and told me she couldn't give me any more local anaesthetic gel and if I was going to be so silly she wasn't going to help me.

Had numerous (probably 15) transvaginal scans , dozens of speculum exams, swabs of cervix, catheterisations. Only a handful of times have doctors or nurses acknowledged it might be sore and offered me privacy - I have had internal exams where other doctors walk in halfway through without telling me their name , procedure carried out on a ward during visiting hours (doctor shouting comments about me to his assistant), a cstheterisarion where the cleaner wandered to mop the floor. One doctor catheterised me and then walked off left me lying on the bed, no pants or trousers on , soaking wet incontinence sheet and rubbish from procedure on the bed sheets. Thankfully a student doctor came in to do paperwork and she helped me get dressed and cleaned up.

I work in a hospital dealing with physical non gender specific illness and there's no way we could get away with any of that at all. But somehow when it's gynaecology or maternity care it's OK to strip the patient or mum of her dignity and leave her in severe pain. Part of me thinks it is a feminist thing - would a man be left to deal with pain like that?

YABU, the pain isn't like other pain as you aren't injured! This pain is natural and telling your body time to do stuff. Honestly what do you think women all over the world do? I have had several children, no pain relief. Obviously some people have emergencies and really issues that need medical help... but most women just get themselves all worked up and into a state. Mind over matter ladies, it really isn't a big deal. It is what your bodies are designed to do.

Mind over matter ladies, it really isn't a big deal. It is what your bodies are designed to do.

Yes of course. That's why there are over 350,000 deaths a year in childbirth. They obviously hadn't put their "minds" to it.

I've heard some stupid comments on MN, but this one takes the biscuit.

So have one

No it isn't taken seriously I think they are all brainswashed into thinking natural is best whether you like it or not.
I never had another child after my sons birth 34 years ago, I wasn't about to put myself through that again.
It makes my fucking blood boil that they offered you PARACETEMOL, what earthly use is that.
i rememebr shrieking throughout my entire labour that I was going to "sue every one of you fuckers unless i get the epidural I've been asking for for 9 solid months" and I was a nurse at that hospital! i eventually got one right before the delivery - possibly a bit late but I think they were a bit scared of me by then and I refused to talk to any of them my entire stay.

And it's exactly that kind of attitude, halobean, that we are all talking about. Are you a midwife? Or just a horrible person?

I watched OBEM on Tuesday night and was going to post a similar thread; it fucks me off so much that women are just expected to jovially suck away on the gas and air and be grateful for it! No doubt about it, if men had to give birth then the pain would be taken a lot more seriously!

Leave it, It's obvious that halobean never had kids and is just a troll. Ignore Ignore, and don't waste good on trolls

YANBU that's terrible.
They thought I was a right PITA. I had a semi elective CS and no pain before. I am a right wuss and proud of it!
After my CS I repeatedly asked for more pain relief until they called the anaesthetist to write up proper hard drugs- oramorph etc.
On the day of discharge I refused to leave until I had a big stash of dihydrocodeine and diclofenac.
I don't see why anyone should have to suffer any pain just to have a child. My DH didn't- it's a feminist issue

DH says seeing what I went through, if men had to have babies, well, he wouldn't. Not even the one. Not just the end bit, but the 9 months of sickness and crippling SPD prior to the finale.

It's horrific that this still happens.
I had my first child 30 years ago and begged for an epidural, I'd been in labour 20 hours and was knackered.
Each time I asked I was told I wasn't allowed as I wasn't in established labour and then was told it was too late. I still hate the bitch who took the gas and air away, she said I'd been on it for too long.

Yep. Yanbu. I had a male doctor approach me whilst i was in agony after induction. He said 'are you scared of giving birth'. Midwife following him said questioned me and checked im gone from nothing to 6inchs in 30 minutes. He disappeared when i was wheeled away.

Don't feed the bridge dweller.

Op I totally totally agree with you. My ds1 was a back to back baby 28 years ago and the pain is still fresh today.

The other 3 were less painful but no picnic.

It's not taken seriously enough and the shock and trauma of birth is dismissed.

It needs investigating and it's a scandle. Great post

I think it's pretty apparent @halobean that are being deliberately provocative, but I think your comment raises another interesting point - why can't we accept that everyone's experience of pain is different? My 'mildly uncomfortable' might be your 'agonising', but that doesn't mean I'm Wonder Woman and you're a wuss, it just means we experience pain differently and therefore have different requirements when it comes to pain relief.

So comparing experiences is no use to anyone, other than to a) piss people off and make them feel inadequate, and b) limit access to pain relief for women who feel they need it but haven't 'met the bar' according to someone else's judgement.