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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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(Trigger Warning!!!) To think labour pain is not respected by healthcare professionals?

505 replies

Goldfishshoals · 21/04/2017 12:30

Warning: you probably don't want to read this if pregnant/about to give birth!

Three weeks ago I gave birth. I had back labour - truly agonising. The pains started on Friday, but because they were about five-six minutes apart they were arbitrarily considered 'pre-labour' rather than actual labour (despite hurting as much as 'real' labour pains). They continued like that for four days, in which time I obviously got no sleep. I called the midwife for help several times and was fobbed off with 'take paracetamol', which unsurprisingly did bugger all for the intense stabbing sensation in my back every contraction. After one call in which I cried they let me come in (30 mins car ride there and back in pain!) and have a single dose of coedine (barely took the edge off) before sending me home.

On Tuesday my waters broke so I was finally allowed in the hospital for monitoring - I pretty much immediately begged for pain relief. 'of course you can have some!' said the midwife breezily before buggering off for fifteen minutes leaving me in pain. Then she came back and said she just had to ask a few questions then 'we'd see' about getting me some pain relief... I did eventually get given some gas and air.

My contractions never became more frequent on their own and eventually I ended up being induced with epidural - which wore off just in time for me to be fully dialated. First they said they'd get me more - then they said it was too late and gave me gas and air - which they took off me again when it was time for pushing. I begged for pain relief (for anything!) and was ignored. I struggled to push but the pain was overwhelming and stopped me being able to push fully. Baby eventually delivered with forceps, and episiotomy which I could barely feel in contrast to the agony I had been in.

I had third degree tear which needed stitching, and suddenly everything changed. I had an anaesthesitist numb me fully, and keep checking my pain levels for the theatre, I had a few days in hospital with three types of pain relief thrown at me, and I was sent home with boxes of unnecessary coedine etc, for the incredibly minor soreness of the stitches.

When I compare other hospital visits (for being run over by a car as a teen, and a more recent dvt) it's a similar story. My pain was taken a lot more seriously and I was given better pain relief much more quickly, despite them not being nearly as painful as my back labour.

I realise not everyone has back labour, and some people have much less painful births (lucky cows) but surely having high levels of pain isn't that unique? So why wasn't it treated seriously? The only thing I can think of is that labour pain just isn't respected. Aibu to think this?

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 25/04/2017 08:28

Op yanbu. Not one little bit. I totally agree.

I also had two back labours. Not nice.

I've also had gall stones. The next man who tells me gall stones are worse than labour gets punched in the face shirt shrift from me.

Congratulations on your baby Flowers

PersisFord · 25/04/2017 10:46

I watched my elective section with my baby. Not the cutting 🤢 but him being lifted out and put on my chest. I felt so disconnected from the twins after their birth, esp twin 2 - I had to keep asking DH if they were really ours and really came out of me. I don't know why, doesn't make any sense! But with my baby I saw him pulled out all bloody and squirming and kissed his stinky little head and that bond was just there, immediately. Took weeks with the twins, esp twin 2.

PersisFord · 25/04/2017 10:49

I can hardly bear to see pictures of me in the first few days after the twins were born. I feel so sorry for me, like I'm thinking about a different person. I love my photos with my baby, I'm glowing all over. And covered in blood!!

It sounds awful typing this. My girls are my world, and I always loved them. But I didn't feel they were mine and I was always frightened they would be taken away from me.

PersisFord · 25/04/2017 10:50

Fucks sake, I'm in tears and I'm on the train!!

BitOutOfPractice · 25/04/2017 11:43

oh Persis Thanks I can relate to your posts so much

FiftyShadesOfDuckEggBlue · 25/04/2017 12:15

Sierra259 I had the exact same experience!! The midwife wasn't monitoring it properly, so in the beginning it was 4 cm and she was really patronising, talking to me like I was a child who was just making a fuss for nothing. Then hours later, with only laughing gas to fight the pain, another midwife walked in and had a look at me and said I was 10 cm!!
Flowers to all the courageous women on this thread.

Headofthehive55 · 25/04/2017 13:03

persis I understand the disconnect.
I also had that with my baby born by CS. Took months feel she was indeed mine.

ElisavetaFartsonira · 25/04/2017 13:17

I was very fortunate never to feel that my babies weren't mine, which in retrospect is lucky as I didn't see the EMCS one for hours afterwards. So was at high risk there. But the stuff about feeling sorry for yourself in the photos just after the traumatic delivery, can really relate to that.

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 25/04/2017 13:55

The disconnect thing is weird, isn't it?

I had that not because my labour was bad - actually I was bloody lucky and had a 50-minute-ish long home birth - but it was so fast that I think I went into shock after and I don't remember seeing or holding DD for the first time. My memory ends with the feeling of her crowning and then 'kicks in' again about 15 minutes later.

I also have that feeling that it could be any baby, not mine, any random baby. I only really felt that she was 'real' months later, I think, when I realised she looked exactly like baby pics of me

PersisFord · 25/04/2017 14:18

It is weird. Especially because she is the spitting image of me! How nice that other people had it (well, not nice exactly but reassuring!). It must be a Thing.

I get v anxious now about friends having babies - feel a deep urge to go and SHOUT AT MIDWIVES on their behalf!!! This offer has so far been declined though.

FlowersCakeBrewWineGin for you all

ChickenMe · 25/04/2017 15:11

You poor thing OP I can empathise a bit as I had back to back baby as well. I'm still too scared to have another and for various reasons I probably won't now. I did think I was going to die and ended up with forceps and consequently damage to my pelvic floor and chronic constipation too. If anyone's had fissures you'll empathiseSad
Normally I'm quite a loud sort of person but in that scenario (labour) I had no strength of character I was a shell. After 3 days of back labour pains there wasn't much left to give

RufusTheRenegadeReindeer · 25/04/2017 15:21

persis

Ds1 was a vaginal birth but i was afraid to call him angel in case he was taken away from him, i felt a disconnect with him til the next morning

With dd i was attempting to crawl off the operating table Grin

PersisFord · 25/04/2017 16:25

I haven't ever told anyone else (apart from DH) about the disconnect and I've never heard it mentioned. Is it maybe really common?!?!

PMSL thinking of rufus sending doctors and midwives flying to get to her baby. I was like that with mine. The sudden, utter and overwhelming joy.

User2468 · 25/04/2017 16:30

Several phone calls to hospital about my pains and I was told to just take paracetamol, eventually I demanded to be seen and made DH take me in and I was very much in labour.

Asked for my planned epidural, anaesthetist inserted cannula and then vanished FOR AN HOUR, returned and told me that there was now no time for the epidural.

I was a bit cross to say the least, how was I expected to know what the pains were or should be like as I'd never done it before!

ToadsforJustice · 25/04/2017 19:51

these people did not care about me or the babies and they weren't going to look after us

This statement sums up this thread.

ChickenMe · 25/04/2017 19:55

I was screaming and swearing and I overheard them talking about me and saying I "wasn't coping" and some of the staff were pretty patronising but one midwife came over and helped me with my breathing. I was so terrified so although she was quite blunt I appreciated it.
Our NCT class barely touched on any of it and I was lead to believe it was like period pain with contractions being almost pleasant Confused

Uhohmummy · 25/04/2017 20:06

Rufus I'm the same about calling my little one "Angel". I would never ever call DD that as I thought for the first 10 days of her life she was going to die (as a result of injuries sustained in a badly managed labour). She's 4 now and absolutely fine but I still never call her angel and I have a very deep rooted fear of losing her (but not my other DC who I love just as much).
I'd be interested to hear how people feel about their DH's role in this situation. I don't exactly blame my DH but I do wish he'd been more vocal and spoken up for me when I so clearly needed help (and pain relief) but couldn't speak for myself.

YesICanHearYouClemFandango · 25/04/2017 20:10

I had an EMCS, so fortunately I only laboured for a few hours, which I managed without pain relief. 48 hours later they were about to discharge me with a prescription for paracetamol. I had been on 4-hourly tramadol while in hospital. (Was written up for oramorph too but I decided to see how I managed without it). I was still in some pain on the tramadol but it was manageable, and I knew from experience that 2 paracetamol does absolutely fuck all for me when I have a headache, never mind 48 hours after major abdominal surgery.

So I expressed my worries about coping with the pain (and a newborn) with just paracetamol, and the midwives said they would ask the consultant if they would give me a prescription for some more tramadol. I then had a long conversation with an extremely condescending (male) consultant who told me that I should be able to manage perfectly fine with paracetamol, and it wasn't normal to still be in a lot of pain 2 days post section! Oh and also that tramadol is a controlled drug (I knew that thanks...I work in law enforcement FFS) so they couldn't possibly prescribe me any! He then said that I needed to stay in another night because it was so abnormal to still be in pain! (This third night in hospital nearly killed me, and I'm not being flippant - I think my hospital experience (which was bad for various reasons in addition to this) was a significant contributing factor to my PND).

About a year before this, I had a laparoscopy in the same hospital (so minimally invasive compared to c-section). When I was discharged from that, I was given 2 or 3 weeks worth of tramadol and diclofenac in addition to the paracetamol, and instructed to take them religiously even if I wasn't in pain at the time. That's quite the inconsistency, isn't it?

When I eventually got home after my section, I phoned my GP, who was appalled that I'd only been given paracetamol, and immediately wrote me a tramadol prescription. I could have kissed her.

I'm still halfway through reading the thread (had to pause to vent!), but I'm horrified by everyone's experiences. I think the way we've all been treated is absolutely disgusting. I too would love to see a MN campaign about this.

RufusTheRenegadeReindeer · 25/04/2017 20:10

persis

Apparently the anaesthetic was wearing off too quickly...i got surprisingly far

mummy

Thanks
Uhohmummy · 25/04/2017 20:23

Ahhh thanks Rufus - and Flowers to you.
I agree about a campaign. I did complain about my experience but did not feel listened to. Sadly I think a lot of the feedback from these sorts of experiences gets dismissed as it is perceived as coming from hormonal, hysterical mothers.

MiaowTheCat · 26/04/2017 07:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FreedomMummy · 26/04/2017 07:43

YANBU
In my experience if you don't fall into the 'text book' labour they don't act.
I laboured at home for 26 hours of my 29 hour labour because my contractions were only 5 mins apart. I ended up just taking myself up to hospital even though they didn't want to see me because I felt pressure. I was 9.5 cm and ready to push.
I just wish they would listen to us as the people who's bodies are going through the labour.

seastargirl · 26/04/2017 07:55

I had a pretty quick labur, my waters broke at home and had meconium (sp?) In them so had to go in, contractions started in the journey and were every minute, when I got there I was only 1cm dilated, 10 mins later I was asking for pain relief and was told by the midwife 'I will decide when you need pain relief.' She agreed to reexamine me after a further 10 minutes and I was 9 cm, she then forced me to sit in a wheelchair where I could feel the babies head and took me to delivery, I had 1 minute of gas and air before baby was born. I had a 3rd degree bilateral tear and after 40 mins in sturrups was rushed to theatre where I got a spinal for stitches!

My mum is a nurse and she was horrified by there attitude to pain relief and the fact that they feel it appropriate to decide for patients whether they should receive pain relief or not.

RowanMumsnet · 27/04/2017 17:18

@Sweepingchange

Think Mumsnet HQ should send this thread and the one about post-natal wards to Simon Stevens.

Hello all

We've just had a thorough read through of this thread - very tough reading, some of it. Flowers to all of you who've had such frightening experiences - and of course Flowers to Goldfish - congratulations on your baby.

We were this close to having Simon Stevens on for a webchat, but the sudden announcement of the General Election got in the way. But we hope to have him on very soon after all the ballots have been counted.

As some of you may know, we're about to kick off a major Mumsnet campaign about standards of postnatal care, and as a part of that we plan to talk about birth trauma and aftercare for women who had horrible experiences. We would really welcome your input, so please keep your eyes peeled for announcements over the next week or so.

Thanks
MNHQ

Sweepingchange · 27/04/2017 17:47

Yay! Fantastic Rowan! Great news from Mumsnet Towers!

And Flowers and congrats to Goldfishshoals for new baby and for starting this thread!