(Trigger Warning!!!) To think labour pain is not respected by healthcare professionals?

[Goldfishshoals]

Warning: you probably don't want to read this if pregnant/about to give birth!

Three weeks ago I gave birth. I had back labour - truly agonising. The pains started on Friday, but because they were about five-six minutes apart they were arbitrarily considered 'pre-labour' rather than actual labour (despite hurting as much as 'real' labour pains). They continued like that for four days, in which time I obviously got no sleep. I called the midwife for help several times and was fobbed off with 'take paracetamol', which unsurprisingly did bugger all for the intense stabbing sensation in my back every contraction. After one call in which I cried they let me come in (30 mins car ride there and back in pain!) and have a single dose of coedine (barely took the edge off) before sending me home.

On Tuesday my waters broke so I was finally allowed in the hospital for monitoring - I pretty much immediately begged for pain relief. 'of course you can have some!' said the midwife breezily before buggering off for fifteen minutes leaving me in pain. Then she came back and said she just had to ask a few questions then 'we'd see' about getting me some pain relief... I did eventually get given some gas and air.

My contractions never became more frequent on their own and eventually I ended up being induced with epidural - which wore off just in time for me to be fully dialated. First they said they'd get me more - then they said it was too late and gave me gas and air - which they took off me again when it was time for pushing. I begged for pain relief (for anything!) and was ignored. I struggled to push but the pain was overwhelming and stopped me being able to push fully. Baby eventually delivered with forceps, and episiotomy which I could barely feel in contrast to the agony I had been in.

I had third degree tear which needed stitching, and suddenly everything changed. I had an anaesthesitist numb me fully, and keep checking my pain levels for the theatre, I had a few days in hospital with three types of pain relief thrown at me, and I was sent home with boxes of unnecessary coedine etc, for the incredibly minor soreness of the stitches.

When I compare other hospital visits (for being run over by a car as a teen, and a more recent dvt) it's a similar story. My pain was taken a lot more seriously and I was given better pain relief much more quickly, despite them not being nearly as painful as my back labour.

I realise not everyone has back labour, and some people have much less painful births (lucky cows) but surely having high levels of pain isn't that unique? So why wasn't it treated seriously? The only thing I can think of is that labour pain just isn't respected. Aibu to think this?

Meant to add that one of the fundamental, time-honoured tenets of misogyny is the idea that the pain and fear of childbirth is in some way a punishment - for being female and for having sex

It is the Labours of Eve - the concept that women are fundimentally designed to suffer, and therefore must. Oddly, it is found in non Christians and in women as well as men. It applies to sex, menstruation, contraception, childbirth, menopause. Anything that eases the suffering of women in these situations is opposed on the basis that it is 'bad for them' in some way, unnatural, and will have some unforeseen consequence (preferably by giving them breast cancer but in the case of childbirth they will fail to bond and become bad mothers in some way, or make them immoral in the case of effective contraception or HPV vaccine). Huge debate with widely swinging viewpoints is required in newspapers.

Not for men's stuff though.

Hope you can get that counselling Backyard

I was at hospital with my first on a 'busy' night and got dumped in the waiting room surrounded by strangers for several HOURS with no pain relief, even paracetemol, even though my waters had broken, I was 8cm dilated and throwing up. They had nowhere to put me but I was still in fucking labour, on my own, with my first child, who was 3.5 weeks early. I was in no way ready. The midwife who was doing triage shouted at me for not telling her I was in labour while I was actually throwing up.

When I was moved to a room (which at least had gas and air and privacy), the midwife who was looking after me was actually looking after a woman with a retained placenta. DH pressed the emergency button when I felt DS1's head coming out (I was still fully dressed at this point because no one had helped me to get into a gown or anything). The midwives had time to get their gloves on and my leggings off before DS1 was born. We were both very, very lucky, I think, looking back on it, because although I tore and he was blue we had no lasting physical problems. It was almost 8 years ago and I'm still traumatised.

(DS2: I had a home birth and it was absolutely fine - a really lovely experience, in fact. I do recommend them if you have had a traumatic time first time round. You can have a lot of pain relief at home and you get serious one-to-one attention, plus they are very wary of anything going wrong and ready to transfer you to hospital if you show any signs of distress. Much more reassuring and safer than being ignored in a big hospital.)

Christ Spartacus, no words. and morphine is fucking cheap as chips

I actually cant face this thread, its too harrowing and upsetting

YANBU, I was shocked with my first baby. My waters broke 24 hrs before my first pain so they couldn't examine me because of the risk of infection. I went into hospital about 5 hours after pain started as it was really strong by then, they put me on a trace, said I wasn't in labour and gave me some paracetamol (which I threw up as the pain was so bad). A few hours later I was told 'if you think this is bad, wait till you're actually in labour, which will be at least another 24hrs) - I was absolutely petrified that if I couldn't cope with this 'pre labour' I'd never cope with the real thing. They sent me home where I passed out from the pain. Came round with a huge urge to push. Back to hospital where same midwife was there, not busy, same room, still empty. Examined me and said it was too late for pain relief as I was 10cm! Gave me gas and air which I thought (still suspect) wasn't working as it made no difference, and baby was born within the hour (following episiotomy that didn't even register by comparison). Still (9 years later) feel very angry for how they made me feel like a drama queen and scared the s**t out of me when they were just wrong. Persisford, your situation sounds horrendous!

Frosty it doesn't have to be that bad, for a start, you don't have to accept the pain. even if it's your first child, insist, and insist some more.
Some women have perfectly peaceful births (the end stings a bit) in birth pools or other. Quite a few women are also happy to go home after a few hours.

You do need to be prepare to insist, you are not completely clueless because it's your first one!

Flugelpip - so sorry!!

Stopfucking ... It wasn't the morphene ... It was the lack of doctors authorised to allow its use and to administer it.

I think part of the problem is that they see so many births that they become hardened to it?

I was 9cm dilated before I was even examined to be allowed Gas and Air, they just didn't take me seriously as it was my first, I was kept in the waiting area for all this time, in actual labour with loads of visitors and other pregnant women around (not in labour).

My first examination reaction was "wow, you have done really well" I wanted to punch the midwife, I still had to walk to delivery with no pain relief, at 9cm dilated.

I had a prolapse that had to be treated after.

I was talking about this with dp only last night following on from a different MN thread in Childbirth about women being refused epidurals. It's unbelievable that this is happening to women so commonly.

I was refused an epidural during a drip induction: they had ramped up the drip to the full dosage to no effect whatsoever before realising maybe I was right that not ALL my waters had gone when they "broke" 48 hours prior. So, leaving the drip on full dose (!!), they broke my forewaters sending my uterus into a hyper-stimulated state with agonising CONSTANT pain. Who knew gas and air doesn't work on everybody?? The consultants came and patronised the fuck out of me, telling me "women who really need them are being seen to right now, it's not all about you, we'll get to you if we get the chance later" whilst refusing to reduce the drip, despite my midwife (borrowed from another hospital due to short staffing) told them in repeatedly it wasn't fair to do this to me without pain relief and they should reduce the drip. So they reduced the drip - eventually, after leaving and returning several times - and it turns out all I needed was the lowest possible dose.

I did eventually get an epidural, although by that time I was no longer in much pain, and all it did was put me off attempting the pushing stage at all with no sensation. BUT it came in bloody handy when, after my baby's heart rate crashed repeatedly and I'd lost any confidence in the medical team around me (nice midwife now gone) I insisted on a c section. Not that I got that straight away - they told me I could well die on the operating table and future pregnancies would end in stillbirth TWICE after telling them I'd made an informed decision on separate occasions - but after refusing consent to continue the drip and a change of the doctors on shift we got their in the end.

I still beat myself up it actually; I've always thought I was strong and I was made to feel that I was being pathetic and needy to think my pain warranted their attention when they were oh so busy with much more deserving people. I would have understood if it wasn't possible, but they were insistent it wasn't necessary. Not for silly me who didn't understand "real" pain. I was actively told by those fucking bitch doctors that I wasn't being "fair on my husband" by making such a fuss!

stopfucking.. 2nd time round I was induced and pain was intense and contractions came pretty much without a break, baby in distress, no time for epidural. It too was awful but I think the mental anguish of the first (natural pain) was worse as it went on so long and they convinced me I was a total wimp who'd never cope with the 'real' labour that was yet to come.

Epoxyresin I felt very much the same - being treated like a drama queen who was just being difficult.

Think Mumsnet HQ should send this thread and the one about post-natal wards to Simon Stevens.

One issue I suspect is that medical people have been given conflicting messages.

Pain relief is a medical function. The medical model of childbirth if you will. Doctors and Midwives have all be told that the medical model of childbirth disempowers women and removes the magical spiritual journey of childbirth. All medical model interventions disempower patients in this respect. The campaigns for different childbirth experiences are about the mother, her feelings etc and not about medical interventions.

Hence the cognitive dissonance when women ask for medication in childbirth.

I'd give women what they want during childbirth, when they need it. But that requires retraining on both sides. Magical mystery childbirth women need to realise that sometimes medical people are needed to medical things and that medical things are mostly binary in nature. Either done or not done. No mystery involved. It happens. Medical professionals need retraining to have better beside manners and to actually listen to women and discuss pain management prior to childbirth.

Epoxy

Unbelievable

This thread is hard to read but if that's what's happening then this seriously needs to be reviewed. (Obviously there are wonderful stories too)

Other countries who manage the pain of women in labour show that pain is not a necessity. Their babies don't come any worst or have shown any short or long-term sequels, have they.

There's no excuse.

this drip + no pain relief kills me, I think this genuinely calls for a campaign . if you cannot guarantee pain relied, don't put women on it . simple

For me its the fact that it intensifies a natural process to an almost torturous degree

Spartacus. sorry. decent palliative care is a basic human right

I hate that this is so common. And it takes away all humanity from us. When they told me I needed the section because my baby's heart rate was slowing down I was on my own and I was terrified - I absolutely lost it and started screaming. I'm mortified when I think about it now - I'm quite a private person and it was just dehumanising.

When I was pregnant with the next one they offered me a VBAC and I said I would have an elective caesarean as I didn't trust the midwives to look after me or my baby in labour. The doctor just nodded and wrote it in my notes - perhaps they see that a lot!

I would love a campaign about this.

wheresthe It really knocks your confidence doesn't it. You think you're one thing - tough, capable, your your own body and mind - and then when you're at your most vulnerable the people you're trusting to deliver your precious baby scoff in your face and tell you you don't know what you're talking about, and that compared to everyone else your just a great big 30-something whinger who thinks it's all about them.

Exactly epoxy

When I was pregnant with the next one they offered me a VBAC and I said I would have an elective caesarean as I didn't trust the midwives to look after me or my baby in labour.

Persis I'm currently 23 weeks pregnant and weighing up vbac and c section. Like you I don't think I trust anyone to listen or believe me anymore, and I don't want things to go like last time. At first I thought I'd try a vbac, but I think I'd only be doing it to show everyone that I could have done it the first time round if it hadn't been for the drip :(

I think there had been a lot of discussion about this sort of issue when I had my DC in the 1990s.

I was told about all pain relief available (no internet etc for info) and offered it and told to write it down on my birth plan. Afterwards they offered you paracetamol for afterpains on regular ward rounds, and if that wasn't enough got the doctor to prescribe something else.

Epidural was still a problem though, as it relied on an anaesthetist being available who was also dealing with Emergencies, so tended to prioritise these.

I think the staff around then have all retired, so the new ones do not have the same priority. There is a lot of emphasis on not bringing women in until later, and discharging them early, yet there is a shortage of staff to deal with this. It has always been hard to convince them you are in labour and this is more of a problem if they are busy and won't admit you, as you can't access any pain relief until then.

I think a lot of it comes down to staffing.

When I was managing to be quiet I was told I was "being good".
When I cried out I was laughed at and eyerolled.
My abiding memory from my first labour 28 years ago.

I had a very traumatic birth with DS, back to back labour and forceps after 3 solid hours of pushing. A 3 litre haemorrhage after the birth that left me very ill and requiring multiple transfusions.

BUT, unlike many of the other posters on here, I feel like I was treated with dignity. When I said the pain was too much, I was given an epidural without any fuss. The consultant stitched me up afterwards as I had complex internal tearing that needed a lot of skill. My midwife had empathy and didn't dismiss my feelings at any point, including when I thought I was dying from the blood loss. She chatted to me and distracted me and treated me like a person not a patient.

I had to stay on the labour ward for 24 hours after the birth as they couldn't risk moving me. It was great - DH could stay, I had a private room and a lovely healthcare assistant came and helped me wash / brush my teeth etc. When I had to have my vaginal pack removed at the end of 24 hours, I was offered gas and air without any fuss.

Then I was moved to the postnatal ward for the following two days and it was grim. Was made to feel like a nuisance even though I had literally lost half the blood in my body so could be excused for feeling weak!

I'm due my second in September, have chosen the same hospital in the hope that the labour experience will be handled well again. I feel like it was the only thing that stopped me developing PTSD.

Just following my ventouse delivery (on two vomited up paracetamol only), being stitched up for both external episiotomy and internal 'graze', the midwife noticed I still had my TENS pads on my back (pulsing away full strength, with me failing to notice). As she pulled them off she said 'oops, sorry', as it tugged a bit like a plaster.

Yeah, because that's what hurt.

I can laugh about it now! But I never got my 'natural birth, no painkillers' medal, I can only assume it was lost in the post...