Should my DH high salary exclude him from doing jobs at home

[Shout]

I am at stay at home home Mum with 2 DS my husband has quite an important job and his salary reflects it. Everytime he has to work weekends or evenings he says that is what I am being paid for.

My biggest grip is that he is getting lazier around the house, meal plates left at the table coke cans around the house, cuff links ties left out and gets more out,gets changed from work, suit and dirty washing left on bed for me to clear wet towels ,floor. The kids get 10 mins of play fighting then he watches his programs/or is on the computer.If he doesn't want to do anything he just ignores it or says its not a problem eg tyres are not flat, toilet isn't blocked!

When ever I get cross that he doesn't do his fair share he says in a jokey mannner but I get paid so much.
I asked him several times to make an appointment to discuss situation he kept avoiding it, I wrote him a letter explaining how I felt, it took him 3 days to get round to reading it and never responded.

I am back to comfort eating putting on weight and feeling crap about myself, hence all physical contact is virtually non exsistent.

Any advise out there?

Anna - agree.

Xenia - we really are going round in circles you say "thousands of women return to full time work in jobs like that and comparable ones every day of the week in the City" - yes they do, but where do they leave the KIDZ while they are at work ?

yr, with the servants

ssd - lol - at least if they are paid, that's fine ! In the old days they didn't even pay them !

With paid strangers, yellowrose, don't you know?

Eleusis - at least there is SOME justice in the world today

I am glad this has come full circle, now I can leave it for good - ta everyone it was fun ! See you on other threads !

So sad that society nowadays has become so far removed from what it was for centuries, a community with its own integral support systems. My ideal society would be one in which women could work and look after their children simultaneously.....this is how it was always done..the women would sew/craft objects and chat together ( not feeling the isolation and exhausting responsibility of present-day sahms) whilst the children played together(also learning to bond with other kids under the watchful eye of collective mums)....I suppose the nearest you could get to this nowadays is creches at work...not quite the same...so much for horrid modern economy-driven society...sigh

No skills. I have a digree in economic history and used to work in a pr company which is something I don't wish to go back to. I do the odd translation, and I'm thinking of trying to do it more regularly (although, I'd like to have a job with more people around).
Anyway, yes, I think Xenia is very harsh in her opinions, I don't get offended, but I understand why others do. Some of her points, like financial independence, strike a cord with me. I really really don't understand the stigma (I also want to apologize if I'm not using the "right" words, can't be bothered to look into the vocabulary) that in this country is associated with childcare. It's one of the most striking cultural difference that I notice. As I have already repeated in many threads, I often find myself justyfing our choice to send the children to nursery (though I have a great excuse, which is for them to learn english). I don't think that this is compromising their healthy development, quite the contrary. Had we been in Italy, we would have saved lots of money, and nurseries are just a normal choice, for both working mothers and sahm.

"the women would sew/craft objects and chat together ( not feeling the isolation and exhausting responsibility of present-day sahms) whilst the children played together(also learning to bond with other kids under the watchful eye of collective mums)"

I'm sorry, but that sounds like Hell to me, especially the part about sewing. I think I prefer the modern world where I can chat to someone in Zimbabwe from my desk in London.

I wouldn't mind the good old support system. I wouldn't mind the sewing as well. I'd love the children to play under the watchful eyes of other mums... sounds like a good alternative of m+t groups

Fair enough about the sewing Eusis, I wish I could sew better, that's my gripe, but do you also chat to all the people in your office/ neighbourhood as well as people in Zimbabwe? Life's just a bit too abstract nowadays! and here am I chatting to people from god-knows-where about very abstract thigs when I should be cooking dinner lol!

I think pomegranatesparkle has been reading too many Jane Austen novels, where the harsh realities of factory working and industrialisation were rather glossed over.

In fact childhood ended around the age of 7yo - when children were put to work! ANd the vast majority never saw the inside of a school. Oh yes, and lets not forget the workhouse for women who had fallen on hard times.

Oh yes, I am desperate to return to those Halcyon days

Franca, I'd love to go to one of those 'knit and bitch' groups, hopefully I'd get half a jumper out of it too in time for next winter!

There was a feature about the shortage of seamstresses on Women's Hour this morning.

I went round to my friend's house the other day, a SAHM, and we discussed the Socialist Worker Party's cynicism, the idiocy of the Communist Party of Great Britain's position on porn, SATS, feminist theory, the Iraq war, wheat-free cakes, vaccinations, child psychology and the paternalism of the medical profession.

Not a sofa or soft furnishing in sight.

Soapbox, I'm talking about pre-indusrialiation, terrible time during industrial revolution, I'd agree! talking more about hunter/gatherer times, like`how aboriginal australians lived...people had more of a purpose in life then, even though they did die earlier...

God no thanks then - those caves had spiders in them - runs away very quickly...

I think Xenia's vision of women (and men) full time working all the time sounds like hell.

What I would like, is for the standard working week to be 20 hours for everyone, male and female, childless or parents. If you want to work more because you can't think of anything more interesting to do with your time, or because your job is such an absorbing, fascinating activity (such jobs do exist, but they're rare) then that would be up to you.

The fight for the eight hour day, was supposed to be the beginning, not the end.

I never want to work full time again, if I can help it. And I don't feel remotely ashamed of myself.

Gosh, Eleusis - are you chatting to Robert Mugabe at work ? Now there is a man who knows where women belong !

Anyone fancy coming round to my house to talk about politics, religion, sex, children, not necessarily in that order, while we knit, sew, drink organic Earl Grey and watch toddlers play in my garden ? You are welcome any time !

pomegranate, I'd love to meet with likeminded women and learn to knit... I'm not sure about pre industrial societies... I'm 36 already, I would have probably been almost dead!

Caligula - your idea seems much more workable than Xenia's - surely there isn't enough work for everybody to work a 40 hour week, unless it's communism with created work.

Dh and I would love to do 20 hours each - but his work has a no part time policy. And so he does his 37 hours and I do around 13 term time only. I could do more as my work is fun and pays well per hour, and he would happily do less and spend more time with ds.

Hmm. A no part time policy is probably illegal (just an aside)

What's wrong with losing time in coffee shops?

1 I am supporting the local economy.

2 I am supporting foreign economy, extra brownie points for ordering Fair Trade.

3 I am giving my DS a sophisticated start in life, they bring reading material and slob out on the sofas too.

4 I get away from the hoover and the kitchen sink.

Not in NZ