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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should my DH high salary exclude him from doing jobs at home

671 replies

Shout · 11/03/2007 12:43

I am at stay at home home Mum with 2 DS my husband has quite an important job and his salary reflects it. Everytime he has to work weekends or evenings he says that is what I am being paid for.

My biggest grip is that he is getting lazier around the house, meal plates left at the table coke cans around the house, cuff links ties left out and gets more out,gets changed from work, suit and dirty washing left on bed for me to clear wet towels ,floor. The kids get 10 mins of play fighting then he watches his programs/or is on the computer.If he doesn't want to do anything he just ignores it or says its not a problem eg tyres are not flat, toilet isn't blocked!

When ever I get cross that he doesn't do his fair share he says in a jokey mannner but I get paid so much.
I asked him several times to make an appointment to discuss situation he kept avoiding it, I wrote him a letter explaining how I felt, it took him 3 days to get round to reading it and never responded.

I am back to comfort eating putting on weight and feeling crap about myself, hence all physical contact is virtually non exsistent.

Any advise out there?

OP posts:
yellowrose · 15/03/2007 13:57

sunnysideup - may I just say I really like your posts.

They speaks volumes of sanity.

yellowrose · 15/03/2007 13:58

franca - are you Italian ?

Anna8888 · 15/03/2007 13:59

waynettaslob - I don't think whether you think that SAHMs or WOHMs have been rudest is a legitimate comment. This is an anonymous debate about a highly sensitive subject and there will be disagreements. Good thing too.

franca70 · 15/03/2007 14:00

Yes, I'm Italian.
I see your point now, COV {smile]

WaynettaSlob · 15/03/2007 14:01

But Anna I nver said that.

yellowrose · 15/03/2007 14:02

Oh, I see, I guess you were kidding then about deprived Italian children ?

I always get the impression Italians love children and family life generally

yellowrose · 15/03/2007 14:03

Anna - which part of Italy do you usually go to ?

franca70 · 15/03/2007 14:07

Well, I don't know. Italian love their chidlren just like the swiss or the english do, but fortunately they can (wonder for how long though) rely on a superb network of free nurseries, which are usually considered both by sahm and wohm like an important part of their children's development

vinhotinto · 15/03/2007 14:07

I work full time and DP is a SAHD. He gets far more agro from both men and women regarding his status than some of the SAHMs I know but he is very happy to care for dd.

We do this as it works for us, given a choice I would never work again

3andnomore · 15/03/2007 14:07

Wayneeta, you were implyaing though, that the SAHM taking part in this thread obviously don't care enough about their children, hence it would be better they would go to work (and use working time I assume to take part in this debate) and have their Kids looked after by someone else who actually does something with them (ratehr then sit on the PC)....hm........did I get that right?
Very offensive if you ask me!

franca70 · 15/03/2007 14:08

we usually go to sicily for holidays, not this summer though. need some tips?

ComeOVeneer · 15/03/2007 14:11

I actually think this thread has become a very sad place tbh. As women we should be supporting each other in what choices we have made for ou lives and our children, not slagging of those who work as neglecting their children or those who don't as silly women who sponge of their husbands and are useless to society. Very sad indeed.

WaynettaSlob · 15/03/2007 14:12

3andnomore - my comment wasn't to all SAHMs on the thread it was to those who had slagged off WOHM - it was not all SAHMs by any manner of means. If I had directed it to all SAHMs I'd certainly be no better than those.

WaynettaSlob · 15/03/2007 14:12

Agree CoV - but that's the way they always go

Anna8888 · 15/03/2007 14:17

yellowrose - all over, last year went to Salina in the Eolian Islands which was brilliant, and to Ischia, which was much less nice

yellowrose · 15/03/2007 14:18

Yes, the Swiss and British do love their children, everyone in the world does. I just think some cultures are far more tactile if you like, a lot more hugging and kissing which I like !

I have been there - Sicily is gorgeous fantastic architecture, it also has the most amazing pasteries I have EVER eaten, even better than the ones in Vienna !

We are thinking of Tuscany this time, never been. Also Napels and the islands nearby...

Anna8888 · 15/03/2007 14:19

Comoveneer - I don't think this debate is that polarised at all... I keep trying to point out that I think women should be aiming for interesting and flexible lives that allow for a balance between all facets of existence

yellowrose · 15/03/2007 14:20

Oh, you didn't like Ischia ? I was thinking of visiting !

Anna8888 · 15/03/2007 14:20

We are thinking of Umbria for this year, haven't been since I was 17

franca70 · 15/03/2007 14:20

anna we always go to salina!!!!!!

Anna8888 · 15/03/2007 14:21

We should probably have an Italian thread, this is a bit off topic

franca70 · 15/03/2007 14:21

yes, lots of hugging and kissing, that's true (have to restrain myself in public here )

Anna8888 · 15/03/2007 14:22

Franca I thought Salina was amazing...

franca70 · 15/03/2007 14:22

ok, I'll create on in chat

ComeOVeneer · 15/03/2007 14:22

I agree it isn't as polarised as that, however I just find it sad that people who have choosen different paths in life can't offer others enough respect not to critisise or belittle their choices.