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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be grossed out ?Autogynaphila and Mrs Goss

278 replies

Pollypickypocket · 20/04/2017 20:17

Not quite sure if my reaction is justified to be honest. Have just been in a conversation with a psychologist friend about feminism, trans issues and various theories of the advantages of gender rolls in evolutionary theory etc - wide ranging and pretty interesting as we are both gender critical but have differing views on biological aspects. He however raised the issue of late transitioning autogynaphils and how part of the fetish is being acknowledged as female/feminine/sexually attractive. I was sort of aware of autogynaphila but didnt honestly click what it ment or that it was a sexual fetish rather than an identity issue.
On Facebook I am member of Mrs Gloss a make up group and it's just occurred to me that its actually being used on occasion by autogynaphils to fuel their sexual fetishes if what he says is correct and it's really freaked me out to be honest.

OP posts:
StatisticallyChallenged · 20/04/2017 21:02

I think beyonduser has it bang on

There's also quite a few guys on gloss who don't appear trans - as in male presenting, make name etc and the tone of their posts is very different; they tend to be more aimed at makeup artistry rather than appearing female. Like younger versions of Wayne Goss or Manny mua. But there are definitely a few who seem to be presenting some sort of pastiche of womanhood and seeking attention and positive comments from mainly young women.

I've not been on much recently but it was becoming more apparent

dailymailarecunts · 20/04/2017 21:03

It surely this is a really tiny percentage of the posts that go up on Mrs gloss, and you just see it's a post you aren't comfortable with, and keep scrolling? Why the angst? Genuinely not trying to be an arse, just confused!

Also, Julia / the mods on there are pretty good at deleting anything dodgy. If anything came close to being obviously sexual it would be gone in a nano second.

Hateloggingin · 20/04/2017 21:03

I know it is supportive on there, which is nice, but leaving aside the men part I genuinely don't understand how supportive isn't just mean really, so 'does this dress suit me?' Millions of 'yes you own it hun' type comments, when the lady in question DOESN'T look nice and could be gently guided into something flattering. I genuinely don't understand.

Or some of the frankly hideous make up looks and everyone says 'gorjus' but they look like a toddler let loose in a make up store, why can't people be gently constructive?

dailymailarecunts · 20/04/2017 21:04

Cross posted with a few of you - maybe I'm
Wrong, the shot up mini skirt thing sounds well dodge!

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 20/04/2017 21:05

I'm sure most women on a FB page don't mind at all giving advice/compliments to a man who is genuinely just trying out different looks and wants opinions. But if he's there purely for sexual kicks it's a bit creepy, IMO. The difficulty would be in telling the difference between the two.

And that is the reason for all the "transphobic" posts on MN - you can't tell the difference.

Goldfishjane · 20/04/2017 21:07

I'm really confused
The website has pictures of you in your make up?

I'm as ergh about autog as you are OP but if there's pics of you anywhere online, anyone with any fetish could be looking?

geddes · 20/04/2017 21:07

Yes but women are meant to give everyone the benefit of the doubt dontcha know? Hmm

BeyondUser24601 · 20/04/2017 21:08

It's a Facebook group, Jane. People post there for advice on make up/fashion, usually with pictures of their current "look"

MercyMyJewels · 20/04/2017 21:08

"One of them posted a lovely shot of up his mini skirt"

Er.. that's a bit off topic. But yes, wanking when you are talking blusher is weird at best

Goldfishjane · 20/04/2017 21:08

Oh wait
You mean men post on there and you hadn't realised it might be that they are autogs?

StatisticallyChallenged · 20/04/2017 21:10

It's very hard to explain but there were definitely a couple where frequency of posts, style etc just set off alarm bells.

MargeryFenworthy · 20/04/2017 21:11

I have to say I agree with hateloggingon - seems to be full of rather plain yet overdone women seeing validation from strangers. It's a pity they can't find it in real life.

MrsGlosss · 20/04/2017 21:11

Hello

Someone told me about this thread so I thought I'd pop over and respond

It's a really tricky one for us. We are a beauty group of almost 60,000 people and although those members are predominantly women, we do have lots of men too

Now, this is all fine when it's an obvious ' check out my highlight' post from a gay man or just a man into make up. The issues come when it's not so clear cut and yes, we know who you're referring to. There's a couple of them - and that's literally it. Two out of nearly 60K

We delete the threads or turn off commenting as soon as we can as it's so so difficult for us to work out what's what but I'm uncomfortable with a couple of aspects. Hard to be certain though isn't it?

I'm going to talk with the admin team and we will sort this out as I can totally see where the OP is coming from

Having said that though, we have 500 odd individual threads a day and the stuff you're referring to is literally one thread a week or so

bibbitybobbityyhat · 20/04/2017 21:12

Yanbu to not want to be part of any online group that you feel uncomfortable with. The internet is a double edged sword indeed.

Bishybarnybee · 20/04/2017 21:13

Surely it's not much different to a straight man looking at pictures of pretty women and getting off on them?

I really do not understand the obsession with trans issues on here. There's a kind of outraged primness and obsession which I just don't get.

How about a bit of live and let live?

MsGameandWatch · 20/04/2017 21:15

I think they're definitely getting off on it but I think what they don't realise is that the women on there are just being kind, in the same way as they'd say "oh aren't you cute? You look so great" To a kid in fancy dress or because they are so desperate to be right on. They don't mean it, they can't possibly mean it. No one looks at those rugby player sized blokes in tight frocks and wigs and says "you look gawjuss hun!" and really means it. MrsGloss was a lovely group and I know a lot of people get a lot out of it but the Trans and Jack Monroe Arse kissing has made it unbearable.

Wadingthroughsoup · 20/04/2017 21:17

And that is the reason for all the "transphobic" posts on MN - you can't tell the difference.

Exactly.

geddes · 20/04/2017 21:17

Surely it's not much different to a straight man looking at pictures of pretty women and getting off on them?

No it would be more like a straight man eliciting flattering comments from pretty women without them realising that he was doing it to get himself off.

Still not a good analogy mind you.

StatisticallyChallenged · 20/04/2017 21:18

I'm glad you're aware of it Mrs G, didn't want to raise it and it might be that's it's reduced as I've not been on that much recently. For a while there were a couple who posted very regularly, but I think they maybe tended to show more heavily on timelines due to the volume of responses their posts got?

WhooooAmI24601 · 20/04/2017 21:19

Ok I have to step in and say the Jack Monroe thing is mostly genuine among my real life friends at least. Perhaps it's not all genuine, but that doesn't make it all fake, either.

geddes · 20/04/2017 21:20

Let's not discuss Jack Monroe in this context as it will get the thread deleted (has happened before) Smile.

BeyondUser24601 · 20/04/2017 21:20

Thanks for the response mrs g, very glad to know you are on the case.

It's obviously difficult to raise this on the page because of the transphobia accusations 😕

MrsGlosss · 20/04/2017 21:20

SC - oh I'm aware of it and I don't like it! But I've been unsure. Gloss (and me!) is not anti trans but Gloss absolutely is 'anti men dressing as women to post photos that they then hope will garner them some nice sexy type responses' and believe me when I say WE ARE ON IT

SolidGoldBrass · 20/04/2017 21:21

I don't see how this is any more of a terrible awful thing that has to be stopped than any online thread where some uglyfuck posts a photo of themselves dancing about in a skimpy outfit, begging for 'wow, amazing' posts. You might take a look and think 'Actually your arse looks like a sack of fighting weasels' but decide against posting this and just move on.
Or, of course, you could post something outraged and horrified and get your own fucking jollies when everyone screams at you, because it makes you feel all radical and important to ruin someone else's day.

Hateloggingin · 20/04/2017 21:22

MrsG is it ok to be honest on there? Sort of 'your eyes are lovely, your lips would be better a lighter shade of pink' ? I know it's all subjective but sometimes it feels cruel saying things look good when they dont