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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

my sons girlfriend lives with us how much rent should I charge?

112 replies

dawnesmith1 · 20/04/2017 08:54

My DS2 gf is 19 and has lived with us for about a year. My DS2 pays nothing as he does not think he should and refuses to but buys his own food. Gf currently pays £40 per month and buys her own food.Is it unreasonable to ask for more? I also have a DD who is 16 so pays nothing and a DS who is 22 and on minimal benefits due to ill health who pays nothing but cleans once a week and does gardening and other jobs to pay his way, he also buys his own food. DS2 and GF do hardly anything to help around the house and do not contribute to items such as toilet roll/shower gel/clothes washing soap etc

OP posts:

ShowMePotatoSalad · 20/04/2017 09:06

I think you should ask for rent from your DS2.

WildBelle · 20/04/2017 09:08

Are they working? I think if you're making her pay, ds2 should also be paying.

HappyLabrador · 20/04/2017 09:08

I think it would be unfair to ask the gf for more when your ds2 pays you nothing.

musicposy · 20/04/2017 09:08

Your DS2 is the problem here. It's completely unfair to let him get away scot free whilst upping the girlfriend's rent. You're not doing him any long term favours setting him up for a lifetime of expecting to be supported by women whilst he refuses to contribute.

loaferloveforyou · 20/04/2017 09:09

I'd start charging DS2 rent before increasing his gf's rent!

TeenAndTween · 20/04/2017 09:09

Is DS2 working or still in education?

Sounds to me that he wants the benefits of being an adult (GF living with him) without any of the responsibilities.

hibbledobble · 20/04/2017 09:11

Are either of them working? In education? How much are ythey earning?

MatildaTheCat · 20/04/2017 09:12

I advise you to move to a much smaller property.

Failing that, yes, she should pay more but ds1 should be paying if he's working and they should ALL be sharing chores. Having everyone cooking separately sounds a pain and wasteful on fuel. Maybe share meals to be cooked in rotation?

Floggingmolly · 20/04/2017 09:13

You must be joking?

SchnauzerLife · 20/04/2017 09:17

I'd be charging DS2 before considering upping the gf's rent. Do they work? Have you considered setting a fee 'per room' so that they have an amount they both need to contribute towards?

upperlimit · 20/04/2017 09:19

Regardless of what your ds2 thinks, cheeky shit, how much do you think everyone should be paying?

MissJC · 20/04/2017 09:20

I paid 50 quid a week rent from the age of 17 upwards plus I paid the council tax bill. I now have a brill work ethic and a lovely home of my own so I agree that responsibility sets a good example.
My mum was going through a messy divorce at the time with me and my then 4yo Dsis so I wanted to help support us.

missymayhemsmum · 20/04/2017 09:21

So you are supporting 3 adults and a 16 year old. You don't say whether you can afford to do that, whether you are working, own the house, renting, etc, and what all the young people are doing/planning.
For instance you might choose to support DS2 and gf so they can save for a place of their own, study, generally get launched and independent.
But as a basic principle I would say that bills and household costs should be split in proportion to income, and housework should be split equally.
Give notice to ds2 and gf that from now on you will be treating them as adults.

AmIAWeed · 20/04/2017 09:21

We have always said we'll be charging 30% of our childrens income as rent, by basing it on a percentage it takes away who earns more or less and who would be more impacted if you had a flat rate for all children, in your case your eldest on benefits.

There is no reason why you must keep the full 30%, if you can afford it you can always pop it into savings for when they do eventually move out as a surprise, but at least they are contributing and starting to learn to budget as adults.
Personally I'd be using part of the 30% towards a cleaner with that many adults/young adults in one home to ease the pressure on you.

harderandharder2breathe · 20/04/2017 09:22

Your DS needs to pay rent, he's the problem here not his g/f

WateryTart · 20/04/2017 09:24

DS2 should pay rent or move out.

PooHOle · 20/04/2017 09:24

My DS2 pays nothing as he does not think he should and refuses

That sounds like he is the one in control.

Unless in FT education, he is properly mugging you off - and you are allowing it, it really isn't his descision OP, it is yours

owenjonesismyhero · 20/04/2017 09:26

I'd tell both DS2 and GF to pay rent and to do their fair share of chores around the house.

If they don't like it, you could rent their room out to somebody who would.

NotJanine · 20/04/2017 09:28

I would only let them off paying rent if you know that they are seriously saving towards a deposit on a property themselves.

Everyone in the house should be doing household chores, maybe you should draw up a rota?

Mummyoflittledragon · 20/04/2017 09:28

Agree with other posters. Why are you charging her rent and DS2 nothing? Who gives a monkeys if he doesn't think he should contribute! If he's in full time education, that's different and I assume he's working. Living with you for a few months until he moves into a rented room and not charging rent is completely different to living off your parents for years, which it sounds like this arrangement will be if you don't sort it out.

MummyGemx · 20/04/2017 09:31

I like the idea about paying a percentage and sitting them all down to make it fair. Things like cleaning and contribution to household items everyone uses should be discussed to as they must be bothering you and will only cause problems down the line. Maybe they could split those costs equally between everyone. But equally if DS2 and girlfriend don't want to contribute like DS1 by helping out around the house perhaps they should also chip in for a cleaner.

My children aren't at this stage yet but I would like to think if they are at home at this age then it is partly to save for their future. If that's the case I would like to see they are saving as well as contributing to the household.

I hope you can sort it all out and they respect your house, your rules x

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 20/04/2017 09:31

I think all working members of the family/household, should contribute.
Even if you can afford to carry your children, it is to their benefit, that they learn, not only to budget, but the importance of their money.
It would not be fair to ask your Sons girlfriend to pay more.
It would be fair, if they are working, to ask them to find a place of their own. You could then purchase a smaller property, with lower outgoings, and have more disposable income.

Underthemoonlight · 20/04/2017 09:33

They are taking you for a ride. I would never allow my DS gf to live with us but 40quid is an insult. I would suggest a more reasonable amount and from your DS 2.

HmmOkay · 20/04/2017 09:35

I think you and your son's girlfriend are inadvertently giving him the impression that he is the most special and important person in the house and that rules don't apply to him.

How come you think you should raise her rent rather than ask him for any at all? What was your thinking behind that?

JustMumNowNotMe · 20/04/2017 09:36

All kids who are out of education should be paying rent that is proportionate to their earnings imo. All of mine certainly will. Not because I want the money but it's important they learn the realities of life as soon as possible.

Tell your son he needs to start paying rent from today. You are doing him no favours in not charging him now.

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