my sons girlfriend lives with us how much rent should I charge?

[dawnesmith1]

My DS2 gf is 19 and has lived with us for about a year. My DS2 pays nothing as he does not think he should and refuses to but buys his own food. Gf currently pays £40 per month and buys her own food.Is it unreasonable to ask for more? I also have a DD who is 16 so pays nothing and a DS who is 22 and on minimal benefits due to ill health who pays nothing but cleans once a week and does gardening and other jobs to pay his way, he also buys his own food. DS2 and GF do hardly anything to help around the house and do not contribute to items such as toilet roll/shower gel/clothes washing soap etc

Once working full time DC pay 20% of what the earn in rent.

DS1s girlfriend lives with us and has offered to pay something but I refuse to except it and ask instead she just help me out sometimes which she has been amazing at so far. I know she is paying some money towards DSs rent though but that's between them 2.

We can afford to live very comfortably without the money from them so are actually saving it to give back to them when they need it.

I would set out how much it costs to run the household, average monthly cost across the year for heat & light, repairs etc, then make an estimate to compare this to a smaller home with fewer occupants. I would include your DD in this exercise too so she can understand for the future.

Then look at incomes and who can reasonably cover what and still have money of their own. If your DS & his GF are saving and you are able to make allowances for that, then do so.

I would make sure there is a definite timeframe for the future, so they have a date to work towards, otherwise you risk them being there a very long time!

They should both be paying their way. Disgraceful they're not IMO.

DS2 and GF do hardly anything to help around the house and do not contribute to items such as toilet roll/shower gel/clothes washing soap etc

Then they don't get to use them.

Dbro 1 and Dbro 2 have both had girlfriends live with them at mums house, both time my mum took £250 per month off of them. Dbro 2 and his gf still live there but both do not have their priorities in order and my mum is lucky if she sees £100 pm off of each of them 🙄

And like your situation my mum does everything for them, cooks, cleans, buys all the toiletries, she's had to actually buy a shower bag and start keeping her shampoo/ shower gel etc in her room as the gf goes through it all. Please don't be weak like my mum, they will just walk all over you.

OP, I hope that you are not feeling bullied by your Son, that would be dreadful. If this is the case, and you are not just being soft, you need to ask them to leave, and mean it.
Your younger children do not need to be exposed to the ways of your Son, if this is, indeed the case, and you should be Queen of your own castle.
Please come back and let us know, hope all is well.

If he refuses to pay, make sure he is getting what he is not paying for.

Change keys so he has to knock, establish a curfew,
Put locks on rooms you don't want him in (a bit extreme)
Change wifi passwords,
No hot water, or limited water.
Don't let him use washing machine.
Don't let him use fridge.

etc etc....

You have to pay for these things!

I don't think you can kick your own son out like some have suggested, just make it unpleasent for him. Maybe turn his room into the Guest room and box his stuff up. 'Well you're not paying son, so I've turned your old room into the guest room I've always wanted.' Let him sleep there but go in a lot to 'tidy'.

Don't leave him and his gf alone, make sure they always involve you in movie nights etc.
They really should have their own place if not paying rent to you (unless they are saving to buy a house).

I'm evil.

You should be charging any Adult (over 18) who is not in education rent as far as I'm concerned. Whether they are your child or not. If they can't pay rent, they do stuff to compensate, like it sounds your 22 yo does. Does your DS2 work? Why does he think he shouldn't contribute but yet eat all your food and use all the facilities? I think you need to get a bit tougher OP and tell him to cough up or move out.

Floofborksnootandboop

Thats a really lovely idea. It is teaching your ds that they have to pay their way in life, but when they come to buy a house or need it for something else you'll be able to help them out.

Another vote here for charging them their share of any bills and other household costs, (apart from the mortgage). I.e. Council tax, broadband, TV license, utilities.

There are 4 adults in my house. We each pay a quarter of mortgage / bills and food. £300 each a month.

Doing them no favours at all and allowing them to become thoroughly unpleasant human beings. Once they are 18 your responsibilities end. They need to pay or leave and that should be legally enforceable. Do you have any tough looking adult male friends who could help?
Change wifi password and hide the router. Get a lock for the fridge and change door locks, any damage report to the police at once. They must go out sometime and when they do put all their stuff in bin bags outside the door. Let them try this with their girlfriends' families.

I had to start paying at 16 when I finished school and got a job. My boyfriend lived with us and also had a job and had to pay. If I refused and didn't want to I would have been kicked out... also if I couldn't be bothered, my boyfriend wouldn't have been able to live with us either.

I think you need to tell him he has to otherwise he can find somewhere else to stay because he's obviously so hard done by at your house. He's old enough to have his girlfriend living there, he's old enough to get off his arse and finally help his mum out
by paying £40 a month (which is a pathetic amount anyway so he should think himself lucky)

I charge my mother £100 a month to stay with us but i think it is reasonable as she doesn't help out around the house such as shopping, changing Dc nappy ect.

The g/f paying £40 a month is hardly 'rent' though is it? i doubt that even covers her share of toilet rolls and washing powder and utility bills!
She should pay more as should your son, her boyfriend!
RENT Payable

1. make a list of ALL the monthly bills including the rent /mortgage payments and a sum for repairs that may be required.
2. divide it up equally between all the adults that aren't in full time education. DS with the disabilities is probably getting additional allowances, so he should be paying an equal share too. However, if there is a shortfall then you can put a price on the weekly work he does for you.
3. Ensure they all pay weekly on a set day of the week. (Take the wifi away etc if they don't)
4. Then have a weekly kitty for all the shared things like tea and coffee, milk shampoo, cleaning products and toilet rolls etc.
5. it would be cheaper and nicer for you all if you ate together- work out a rota and a meal plan to suit everyone, and sit at a table together to eat it

Be tough and tell them you are no longer going to be treated like a mug, and that the changes will help them all become more mature and adult and set good routines for themselves etc.

Your son needs to learn pretty sharpish that he can't just refuse anything which isn't palatable to him. He'll end up living with you permanently because no-one else will offer him free housing (unless his girlfriend is gullible enough to support him).

I would be moving another bed into DS2's room and tell him he pays rent or he shares with a lodger.

You're not doing him any long term favours setting him up for a lifetime of expecting to be supported by women whilst he refuses to contribute.

This.

Also an adult should be buying their own shower gel, seriously.

The idea of totting up the real cost of keeping then household and then dividing it is a good one - even if you then give "discounts" they will understand how much it actually costs. Often young people who have not lived away from home do not appreciate how much utilities etc cost.

Where I live a room in a grotty HMO costs over £115 a week and bills on top - not much spare from the £57.75 a week an under 25 gets on the dole for living costs (not including HB) or from a student loan. Your DC and the GF are being heavily subsidised by you - they should recognise that, be grateful and at the very least be contributing more to cleaning and upkeep of the house if you do not need more monetary contributions.

I paid my parents £550 a month when I stayed with my parents for 6 months back in 2012 after a nasty break-up. I also cleaned the upstairs of the house and cooked three times a week. That covered my food and basic toiletries (loo roll, toothpaste) but not shampoos, moisturisers etc which I paid for myself. It was the perfect amount - cheap enough that I was able to save for a deposit / moving costs for my own place but enough that it didn't come as a massive shock to my system when I moved out.

Solo - Nothing is free fgs, this is the real life lesson, not 'don't worry son/daughter, you can live here for as long as you want, mummy will look after you'.

That's a ridiculous assumption. All my kids more than pull their weight when living here. In fact, I'm pretty sure I get more out of the deal than they do these days, in terms of help with the garden, lifts for younger kids and DIY around the house.

I was kicked out at 16 and had no family support at all since then, neither did my siblings - so I'm very aware of 'life lessons' thanks - and the toll it takes when young people are not fully supported in early adulthood. Let's just say it took some of us a while to find our way. I didn't want that for my kids. They go when they're ready, and if they need/want to come back, that's fine too. (It makes no practical sense for a huge FO house to be half-empty while the kids scrimp for rent.) And surprise, surprise, the ones who have left are more than capable of holding down good jobs, paying rent and mortgages, and turned out to be generally fully-functioning members of society, without me needing to teach them additional 'life lessons' about rent.

£7500 p.a. is only £625 a month. If you're talking 2 or 3 adult children being charged £250 p.m, as some posters have suggested, you're already over that.

Phew, I thought I was completely alone in not charging children rent for a while there. Seems not, most of the comments on this discussion think it's bit weird too:

www.theguardian.com/money/blog/2012/aug/31/how-much-rent-charge-son

Son and gf should both pay more, you're not a charity. Get the going rate for a shared house in your area and charge them. Your other kids can still be free if they make up for it in tasks etc

Well, I won't be charging my dc rent and my parents never charged me rent. But that's fine for me because I doubt I'll need the money and not because I'm worried that my bratty kids wouldn't tolerate me asking for rent. And there's no way I'd be allowing partners to move in, down that road lies madness.