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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

my sons girlfriend lives with us how much rent should I charge?

112 replies

dawnesmith1 · 20/04/2017 08:54

My DS2 gf is 19 and has lived with us for about a year. My DS2 pays nothing as he does not think he should and refuses to but buys his own food. Gf currently pays £40 per month and buys her own food.Is it unreasonable to ask for more? I also have a DD who is 16 so pays nothing and a DS who is 22 and on minimal benefits due to ill health who pays nothing but cleans once a week and does gardening and other jobs to pay his way, he also buys his own food. DS2 and GF do hardly anything to help around the house and do not contribute to items such as toilet roll/shower gel/clothes washing soap etc

OP posts:

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 20/04/2017 09:40

It's entirely up to you if you want to live in a house of leeches. I wouldn't fancy it. (Disclaimer: I didn't pay my parents anything regularly when I lived with them and worked full time. I offered periodically and they preferred I saved money to buy my own house. I would do shopping/pay for meals though).

Floggingmolly · 20/04/2017 09:40

The gf buys her own food, though? How dismal for her. You surely don't cook your food for your ds2 and let his gf sort herself out?
Why is everyone dancing round ds2??

kirstxx · 20/04/2017 09:41

Hardly think it's fair to ask her for more but let your DS live rent free because he doesn't want to pay..

Have you asked her to contribute around the house? I was painfully shy when I moved in with my 'in laws' who are very set in their ways so couldn't see a gap to help out other than doing my own dishes/laundry. Spoke to them and now I know what I can do to help without getting in their way.

As for not contributing to toiletries etc. maybe she assumes this is covered by her rent? Again speak to her if you have a different opinion of what is covered by her rent.

user1471530109 · 20/04/2017 09:41

I paid rent to my in-laws at the same age your ds gf is. I was at uni. He was working full time. I think we paid a v small amount not to dissimilar to what you are getting. But this was 20 years ago!
I loved my in-laws dearly (now ex in-laws) and especially now I'm older can see why they asked for rent. If I was living in halls/student digs I would have had far more bills.
I think in the final year of uni, my exH paid both our rent and his parents had increased it. He never let me forget that. Despite me paying the mortgage and putting him through three years of uni during our marriage

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 20/04/2017 09:42

I'm also in favour of charging your DS2 rent before you increase his GF's!
How about you increase the rent overall and say it's for both of them, hey? Or - they start contributing to the tasks required to run the household.

It's good that they buy their own food, both of them - that's a definite help - but do they really do nothing else? Do they do their own laundry? Buy their own laundry supplies?

I think you should be encouraging them to help out more. This is one of the reasons I would never have new home-leavers as lodgers, they didn't have a clue how to look after themselves or their living space - nightmare!

Of course your DD shouldn't be paying, she should still be in FT education, so that's a given - but if your older son is paying in kind, then why in the name of everything sane is your younger son not doing the same? Especially if he's not ill himself? Is he employed?

AntigoneJones · 20/04/2017 09:42

I think you should charge both of them the same. Why should GF pay more when laughing boy refuses to pay anything?

TheNaze73 · 20/04/2017 09:43

I agree with the majority here. You are doing him no favours for the long term. Even if you save the money for his first flat deposit, he'll be in the budgeting habit.

As for her paying only £40. I don't know how she can look you in the eye. She is virtually poncing off of you. Should be at the very least, treble what you are asking.

thumpingrug · 20/04/2017 09:43

I don't understand how any of them can think that paying nothing is acceptable. We have a simple rule in chez thumpingrug. 20% of working childs net earnings to cover bills and basic food while they remain at home. If they want anything "special" they buy it for themselves. You need to sit down with your children and explain that now they have an income it is unfair, unreasonable and unrealistic of them not to contribute to household expenses. If they don't want to there is a big wide world out there waiting for them.

needastrongone · 20/04/2017 09:47

Your DS2 refuses to pay rent? What is your reaction to this? And they do nothing to contribute to how the house runs, what is your reaction to this too?

Solo · 20/04/2017 09:47

My Ds refused to pay house contributions to me. He moved out and into my elderly mum's place and pays her £200pm. His friend also lives there and pays the same. Mum pays for the food and toiletries etc out of that. She has a Smart Meter and prior to them moving in with her, it said that daily she was using £1.65 ish/max a day in utilities. All good. Since they have lived with her, her daily usage has risen to around £5.90. They are out at work most of the day!
OP, you have to factor in your Council Tax which covers them, water and the other utilities, wear and tear on your furniture, flooring and even the added use of the electric shower; why should these youngsters not pay their way?! I just don't get it! Teach them about real life; nothing is free including the time it takes to do the chores/cooking and they all need to do their bit, not just your other Ds. See if they could rent a room elsewhere for nothing!

nothercupoftea · 20/04/2017 09:50

what does DS2 do exactly? It really depends on your family set up, and you are very kind to welcome his girlfriend.

I wouldn't expect any of my kids to pay anything if they are studying but they have to pull their weight in the house and respect our rules. That applies at any age, chores will obviously vary according to their age.
I am not sure I would be that happy about a girl friend on a permanent basis, I suppose it depends on her circumstances, I might reconsider if she needs help. Otherwise, if they want to live together, they will have to get their own home.

When they have a full time job, then they will pay a rent of some kind (which hopefully will be saved for their deposit when they need it). They don't earn enough on a summer job or weekend job to pay me anything just yet, their main job is to study.

WhereYouLeftIt · 20/04/2017 09:51

"My DS2 pays nothing as he does not think he should and refuses to but buys his own food."
"DS2 and GF do hardly anything to help around the house and do not contribute to items such as toilet roll/shower gel/clothes washing soap etc"

I think it's time for DS2 and his girlfriend to be thrown out asked to leave. You are doing them no favours, subsidising them like this. All you are doing is reinforcing in their minds that belligerence is the way to get what they want.

If they don't want to be part of your household - and being part of a household includes contributing to that household (financially, practically, emotionally) - then they should leave and set up on their own.

Stop being a doormat.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 20/04/2017 09:51

I think your DS2 needs to get his head out his arse, pay you the according amount of rent or him and his gf should move out and pay their own way. You will do him no favours letting him get away without paying his way, tell him to pay or he's gone.

bobdylannumber1 · 20/04/2017 09:52

£40 per month isn't enough but they all should be paying not just gf that's unfair I think

WhereYouLeftIt · 20/04/2017 09:53

And I'd maybe tell them I'm getting a lodger into the room they use now ...

C8H10N4O2 · 20/04/2017 09:55

My DS2 pays nothing as he does not think he should and refuses

I think I should have next week's lottery numbers. Life is like that.

Unless he is in full time education he should be paying rent which reflects at least the costs (including some cleaner time if they don't pull their weight around the home). What you do with the rent is up to you - even if you privately bank it for his future he should be paying something.

AntigoneJones · 20/04/2017 09:59

Ask them both to pay £40 a week or find somewhere else for that price.

MaisyPops · 20/04/2017 10:01

I'd be charging board to your DS!

When DH and I lived with his parents between house moves we paid £50 a week but that included our food. We also mucked in around the place.

If they're buying their own food then £35-40 a week EACH sounds fair to me.

kingfisherblue33 · 20/04/2017 10:03

My DS2 pays nothing as he does not think he should and refuses to but buys his own food.

He refuses to??? You're the adult and the home owner. He's not.

Your ds2 and his GF sound like a pair of lazy, sponging brats. They need a wake-up call. Nowhere else will they get free board and lodgings, or someone to cook and clean for them. They need to show you a bit of respect, and start standing on their own feet.

Your ds2 needs to pay rent.

Do you want your son's gf to live with you??

If you don't, ay so! They can move out and get a place together.

ohtheholidays · 20/04/2017 10:05

DS19 refuses to pay you, HA! Then fucking refuse to let him live under your roof anymore,simple as!
Give him a choice say he has to start paying you some money,that him and his GF need to clean up they're own mess and that they need to help out now and again.If he refuses again then he's made his choice to move out.

We've had to that with our oldest DS now 21,he was paying us but then borrowing it all back and paying hardly any of it back,leaving a mess everywhere he went and doing nothing around the house at all.

We gave him chance after chance,now he lives with his bestfriend,has regular work and pays his own bills and for his own food.

lizzyj4 · 20/04/2017 10:08

to some of the comments on here.

I've had various mixtures of young adults here over the years. Never charged rent, it seems pointless - to start with you should pay tax on it if you're charging them rent. Second, for the ones brought up here, it's their family home.

I do expect them to contribute to the household in other ways (e.g. sharing household jobs, buying own food) - I stop cooking, cleaning or washing for them around 16 - 18.

I don't believe you teach young people independence and a strong work ethic by making them pay rent and threatening to kick then out if they don't meet your demands (asking them to contribute if you're struggling is a different matter, as is asking them to move out because you don't have enough space). Children learn their 'work ethic' by watching how their parents relate to work when they are very young - if you work hard and are conscientious they will be too.

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 20/04/2017 10:09

What the fuck? You cannot charge the gf more while enabling your son's pathetic entitled behaviour, that's so unfair. I also can't really believe your son is happy for his gf to pay while he pays nothing.
For reference, when I lived at home with my mum and was working full time and in no type of education, I paid £120 a month. I was earning between £900 and £1100 a month, take home. That included all essentials, food and bills. I paid for luxuries eg clothes, everything re car, toiletries etc
When I lived in a static caravan at my in laws with my ex, we paid £250 between us to his parents, each earning between £1200 and £1500 take home at the time. This included water, electric and wifi, plus ground rent. We paid for all food, gas, cleaning materials etc, everything else basically.
I thought at the time, and still think, my mum was very generous and my ex's parents were very fair.
Your DS needs to get a grip.

OhJustPassTheCake · 20/04/2017 10:09

I'd want rent from your son by the end of the week or the locks will be getting changed! What a cheek! You don't need to ask for a lot, but at least equal with his girlfriend is only fair xxxx

user1492232552 · 20/04/2017 10:10

This happened with my youngest brother - he finally got the hint when at the age of 30 he moved out because mum sold the house and moved to Scotland, that was the measures she had to take to get him to stand on his own two feet. And he was a father of 4 at that point.
She's scared to move back now, hates it but can't face the thought of him landing on her doorstep. Be cruel to be kind.

KurriKurri · 20/04/2017 10:10

I'd tell them that the rent between them as a couple is X amount (double what GF pays) which they either pay of find other accomodation, How they decide to split that cost is up to them. GF might find she doesn't want to be his Gf any more if he won't pay up and she's landed with it all.

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