AIBU? Or is my DH?

[user1492637408]

I am not sure if I'm being precious here so please do tell me

DH and I have been together 5 years, married for 2, all good, the usual. Nothing to worry about - I would say we were really happy, we have no DC and no plans to, we're just enjoying our lives together. But in the last 6 months he has just thrown the rule book of our entire relationship out of the window. We have always done things a certain way - or more specifically, I take care of things, which I am happy to do so it's not like I've complained!

For example I like to meal plan (I am coeliac so have to be careful) so every Sunday I make all our meals for the week, put them in Tupperware and label them so we know what we are having... I don't make them repetitive or boring thanks to Pinterest and it saves us cooking all the time/spending loads of money on takeaways. This has always been the case and he used to be appreciative of it but recently it's like he is trying to test the waters and saying he wants to cook or get takeaway all the time, even though he knows I have spent hours prepping balanced meals for the week. I wouldn't mind but he could burn cereal! And when I asked him about it he just said he wanted some variety...? I tried to explain I make a very varied selection of food and if he wanted something specific just to ask me and he just huffed and puffed like I was being inconvenient

There are lots of other examples (moving where we keep the spare keys, from the designated spare key pot I have, to a random shelf - why?, purposely bringing up issues like having a pet (he knows I don't want animals in the house, full stop, we decided years ago so why is it an issue now), he even pulled all of his summer clothes out of storage boxes the other day and started trying to wedge them into into drawers because he decided it was time for them - when again, he knows that every year I get the winter stuff washed and vacuum sealed up and into the storage boxes around springtime and get our spring wardrobes out?). I know it might sound as though he's trying to be helpful but honestly it feels like he's just doing it to wind me up - I do a lot and again, I'm not complaining, I like things a certain way! But when I ask him why he's done something he just goes all vague and hasn't got a reason which to me suggests it's just done to make a point and he doesn't want to say what that is?!

Please help me decipher him because I am getting sick of feeling like he's rebelling against our routine and I have no idea why

Where's the OP gone?

He clearly wants to loosen the leash a little and for whatever reason doesn't feel he can just tell you that.

If you'd rather cook because of the coeliac, then do. You're not obliged to eat his takeaway or burnt dinner just like he's not obliged to completely follow your routine, regardless of how logical it seems.

Your way does seem stifling. Unless you're living on the breadline (which it doesn't sound like you are) then there's no reason why you can't just freeze your prep for one day? No idea about the other stuff but I'm pretty much your exact opposite and I have three kids to organise as well.

Imperial "Where's the OP gone?"

Therapy?!

You're a control freak. Sorry not sorry

he knows that every year I get the winter stuff washed and vacuum sealed up and into the storage boxes around springtime and get our spring wardrobes out?). who does this?
on a more serious point you sound like you might have ocd OP?!

Agree with Blondebetty.

How about you get the conversation going with "I'm wondering if you're a bit tired of everything being so tightly organised" and then let him run with it. He has to trust you to be genuinely listening to his pov, so don't 'but' him, just listen and say, eg, "yes, I can see that". Really take on board what his frustrations are as it's likely they'll be hard to articulate.

You are terribly controlling.
Please lighten up or you won't have a marriage

I love this thread. The OP displays a level of organised efficiency I aspire to but never come remotely close to achieving. Suddenly I don't feel so bad about my domestic shortcomings anymore.

Why the fuck would you need to have a discussion with your partner before wearing Springtime clothes? Should he ask permission before he touches anything in the house or just clothing?

I would go fucking mental if I decided I wanted to take out some of my summer dresses or eat a pot noodle and my partner thought I should discuss it with them beforehand.

If this is real (and I think it is) it's abuse.

I actually joins MN to post this.

You are too controlling and set in your ways. I could not cope with your degree of order. And I'm autistic.

I feel very sorry for him. My partner would leave me if I was like that.

I do these things because it makes our lives easier, he agrees with me

I can just imagine how you'd have reacted if he'd disagreed OP!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta (lovely, lovely you! Hello again. xxx. It's soooo mice to see your name again!!!!) and
Willow (I'm sure you're lovely, although we don't agree about coffee shop stamps)
Both of you... It's the Easter Hols. Little fingers are typing, I suspect. ("little" = little tyke teens who know their DP is on MN!) (If it's mine, she'll swing for it!)

OP, if you're real. A couple of PPs have alluded to your sex life. But I'm going to say it.... please don't answer (I honestly don't really want to know) but is your sex life as organised as your fridge and your winter/summer wardrobes? Do you have set nights/times/positions? Or do you give it all up in wild abandon and a spontaneous "hooo... haaa!!!!"
Because I think this might impact on the rest of your life too...

I wish you and your poor partner a long and happy and spontaneous sex life to dilute the rest!

MrsLupo It does sound like an organisational dream - but the Utopia I have in my mind in which I meal prep, capsule wardrobe and have a place for everything has gone decidedly Distopic with the addition of free will

eeek. mice = nice
DP in this case is dear parent.

I'm going to bed now!

(still lovely to see you. Drusilla!)

Fucking hell. I feel sorry for the poor guy!

Stop trying to control and micro-manage every aspect of your lives.

Live a little.

The best thing about this is that the OP does not even have kids..... like if my DH did some of the things shes describing i would actually like it because im rushed off my feet looking after a toddler so it would be nice if someone organised things to that level. Some of the time anyway.
But to be doing this for both of you when you dont even have children seems incredibly extreme.... You say you are both enjoying your lives for now...... yet you are organising to the extent that you would have to if you had a family of five young children!!!

OP i think you need to take a step back. Its okay to organise your own food and clothing however you want, but you mustnt be surprised if your husband does not always tow the line..... Again its not even about communication because most people would not know what they wanted for dinner in 7 days time or exactly what date they wanted a certain item of clothing out so theres no way they would or even should be able to tell you these things.

OP (if you are real), you sound great and I think your husband is lucky in lots of ways. I wish you'd come over to my house and show me how to cook for a week and put the clothes away properly - (or do it for me). I often think I need a wife not a husband. I feel people are being a little harsh to you, and I wondered about the "no kids" thing, is your husband signaling (maybe unconsciously) in little ways that he wants to re-negotiate that big thing? I bet marriage counseling could help with communication.

If I had the money I'd employ OP to be my housekeeper.

And then order a takeaway to celebrate.

I'm thinking of that episode of Friends when Monica is wedding planner for Phoebe and schedules nudity with chandler for 23 hundred hours....

I agree with another poster, try a sticker chart or maybe try rewarding him with 50p every time he eats all his Tupperware delights.
Iv heard you can get baby food in packs of 6 in Asda that should save on the washing up.

ineed 2300 till 2310, was it?

make an overland trip to Morocco in a bashed up landrover with a friendly dope head called Frank.

OP I can understand why you must be confused. You really should try to lighten up and unclench a little bit before you do yourself or your marriage an injury.

Ignore all the troll hunters, they KNOW they should be reporting instead of commenting on the thread

Totally know how you feel OP! Same thing has happened to me, and hope I can help you with your unruly DP, you have to be fair, but firm. There's no reason he can't do as he wishes without still falling in line with what you've already agreed as a couple.

I would prepare meals in advance too, it keeps everyone healthy and on a good schedule and definitely saves money, which is also where takeaways are a problem. Why waste money on food when we already have food?

First off, your partner wants to order food in? Let him have some, then do what I did with my DP, once the pizza/chinese/whathaveyou arrives, store it away securely in some extra Tupperware and put it in the fridge along with your other meals and tell him he can have it on Monday when the meal plan restarts. You're allowing him a takeaway but it's not interfering with your careful planning and he'll appreciate your dedication to the constitution of your relationship.

As for the clothes, your only option is to seal up all of his winter clothes and put them away now, what's done is done, but since he wants to feel summery make sure to cut all of his trousers and jeans off at the knee, he'll then have lots of shorts to wear - and vests if you do the same with his sleeves! Aloha!

I won't speak about the pets as that is very personal, but coming to the keys, you can get keyrings with alarms on them now, best put one of those on so if they're moved without you deactivating it they'll ring to let you know he's tried placing them somewhere else. Easily found and remedied.

If he continues to rebel then he's obviously too far gone and you'll need to ground him for a week or two, once he's learned how impractical it is to do what he wants then he'll be as good as gold. Just let him learn it's too cold to wear summer clothes before you've decided when the seasons have changed and that soggy pizza with green spots on it isn't as nice as 6 day old chilli.

Disclaimer: I stopped lurking on mumsnet and made my account official just to join in on this lunacy! Hope i wasn't too cruel but you need to get a grip girl, if you treated a child this way it would be emotional abuse, nevermind expecting an adult to never, ever want a change of mind, heart, or a break from routine at all in the rest of his life. He's asking for takeaways?! He's not even actually ordering them whether you want them or not, he's just SUGGESTING that he order food for himself/you both because that's what he fancies and you consider that a problem?! It's his mouth, his stomach, and as long as he's not excessively spending money from shared savings or expecting you to pay for it all the time; he can eat what he wants.

OP, is the pet in the hope you will be so busy controlling it that you won't notice him sneaking round your rules? I have visions of DP carefully feeding a puppy weeks worth of meal plans to get a take away.

Poor man.