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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU? Or is my DH?

388 replies

user1492637408 · 19/04/2017 22:56

I am not sure if I'm being precious here so please do tell me Confused

DH and I have been together 5 years, married for 2, all good, the usual. Nothing to worry about - I would say we were really happy, we have no DC and no plans to, we're just enjoying our lives together. But in the last 6 months he has just thrown the rule book of our entire relationship out of the window. We have always done things a certain way - or more specifically, I take care of things, which I am happy to do so it's not like I've complained!

For example I like to meal plan (I am coeliac so have to be careful) so every Sunday I make all our meals for the week, put them in Tupperware and label them so we know what we are having... I don't make them repetitive or boring thanks to Pinterest and it saves us cooking all the time/spending loads of money on takeaways. This has always been the case and he used to be appreciative of it but recently it's like he is trying to test the waters and saying he wants to cook or get takeaway all the time, even though he knows I have spent hours prepping balanced meals for the week. I wouldn't mind but he could burn cereal! And when I asked him about it he just said he wanted some variety...? I tried to explain I make a very varied selection of food and if he wanted something specific just to ask me and he just huffed and puffed like I was being inconvenient Hmm

There are lots of other examples (moving where we keep the spare keys, from the designated spare key pot I have, to a random shelf - why?, purposely bringing up issues like having a pet (he knows I don't want animals in the house, full stop, we decided years ago so why is it an issue now), he even pulled all of his summer clothes out of storage boxes the other day and started trying to wedge them into into drawers because he decided it was time for them - when again, he knows that every year I get the winter stuff washed and vacuum sealed up and into the storage boxes around springtime and get our spring wardrobes out?). I know it might sound as though he's trying to be helpful but honestly it feels like he's just doing it to wind me up - I do a lot and again, I'm not complaining, I like things a certain way! But when I ask him why he's done something he just goes all vague and hasn't got a reason which to me suggests it's just done to make a point and he doesn't want to say what that is?! Confused

Please help me decipher him because I am getting sick of feeling like he's rebelling against our routine and I have no idea why

OP posts:
Ameliablue · 19/04/2017 23:08

Control freak much.

Original poster
user1492637408 · 19/04/2017 23:08

Confused Well... I do these things because it makes our lives easier, he agrees with me on that which is why I'm confused that all of a sudden he has changed tack. If I left it up to him we would never be able to find anything, be eating burnt food, and I'd be happy for us to just talk about it but when I try he just doesn't seem to know what he actually wants.

OP posts:
RainbowsAndUnicorn · 19/04/2017 23:08

A whole week of meals ready made, no thank you. It sounds so prescriptive and dull.

He's an adult, treat him like one rather than a toddler.

Vroomster · 19/04/2017 23:09

Christ, are you his mum? He is an adult and is allowed to make his own decisions. It must be stifling living with you.

He can get his clothes out when he likes. He can put his keys where he wants.

(Is this for real? Hmm )

notangelinajolie · 19/04/2017 23:10

I would go insane with all that sameness. Poor man no wonder he is rebelling.

DoloresTheRunawayTrain · 19/04/2017 23:10

Sorry, Op I would have ended the relationship before I was overwhelmed by the urge to suffocate you in your sleep. YAB massively controlling. If you cannot give even a little, let the poor sod free and you can enjoy your life free of the clutter of another personality messing up your ordered life. Seriously, let him go.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 19/04/2017 23:11

He may have agreed to it but it sounds like he's losing the will to live now / and he's entitled to change his mind

LookAtTheFlowersKerry · 19/04/2017 23:12

Who the fuck has summer and winter wardrobes these days anyway?

Is it just me who wears the same clothes year round with the addition of a jumper in the cold? Confused

Original poster
user1492637408 · 19/04/2017 23:12

@allegretto It's a lot of chicken/fish with veg and rice/cauli rice etc for lunch and then for evenings I do big batches of chilli, curries, pastas (gf for me, not for him), and one pot things. He genuinely cannot cook to save his life and I enjoy it, but I suppose I could try and give him the reins a bit if it meant he would stop pushing back on the other things. He could start with breakfasts Blush

OP posts:
Vroomster · 19/04/2017 23:13

he just doesn't seem to know what he actually wants

No, because he's been controlled by you for so long.

Is there any spontaneity allowed in your life at all? What if he decided he wanted a take away one night? Would it not be allowed because it doesn't fit in to your tupperware routine?

Orangebird69 · 19/04/2017 23:15

Seriously OP, unclench! Fucking hell.

Jenni2legs · 19/04/2017 23:15

He could start with breakfasts

HE should choose where he starts!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 19/04/2017 23:16

He could start with breakfasts

Really? Fuck me that's generous of you.

Treat him like an adult. Are you this disrespectful and controlling with everyone else?

Kelsoooo · 19/04/2017 23:16

If you'd said your partner was doing this to.you, people would say he was being abusive and a control freak.

It's not different because you're a female doing it.

HermioneJeanGranger · 19/04/2017 23:16

Surely he should he able to eat and wear whatever the fuck he wants? Why do you get to choose?

Crispbutty · 19/04/2017 23:16

Chicken and fish should only be kept in the fridge for a maximum of 3 days after cooking. I hope you freeze it.

CheshireChat · 19/04/2017 23:17

I thought DP was bad, but OP, I don't care you may be a troll, I'd want to smother you with a pillow as well!

I am now worried my DP will be like this when he's 70.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 19/04/2017 23:17

Actually I would go as far as to say that that level of control is actually bordering on abuse

Vroomster · 19/04/2017 23:17

I suppose I could try and give him the reins a bit if it meant he would stop pushing back on the other things. He could start with breakfasts

FFS! He isn't a child! Stop treating him like one!

WonkoTheSane42 · 19/04/2017 23:17

I'm reminded of an Ab Fab quote: "she was so anally retentive she couldn't sit down without sucking up the furniture."

Ncforthispost2005 · 19/04/2017 23:17

OMG this has to be a joke, it's not possible for someone be so lacking in self awareness. Maybe let him manage his own wardrobe, he's a human being not a pet.

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 19/04/2017 23:20

He could start with breakfasts

He's not a fucking child, stop fucking treating him like one....Jesus Christ you sound fucking unbearable

Garlicansapphire · 19/04/2017 23:20

If I were him I'd have run for the hills a long time ago....It would drive me absolutely insane to be with such a control freak.

In fact I might send a rescue party to help him break out!!

notangelinajolie · 19/04/2017 23:20

Op these things don't make 'our' life easier - they make your life easier. Live dangerously and throw out your Tupperware it is the devils' spawn and the route of all evil and should have no place on this earth or the fridge freezer Throw caution to the wind and order a takeaway on a non designated takeaway night.

CheshireChat · 19/04/2017 23:20

I believe my toddler gets more choice in his life than your DH does. Even a 2 year old would rebel.

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