AIBU? Or is my DH?

[user1492637408]

I am not sure if I'm being precious here so please do tell me

DH and I have been together 5 years, married for 2, all good, the usual. Nothing to worry about - I would say we were really happy, we have no DC and no plans to, we're just enjoying our lives together. But in the last 6 months he has just thrown the rule book of our entire relationship out of the window. We have always done things a certain way - or more specifically, I take care of things, which I am happy to do so it's not like I've complained!

For example I like to meal plan (I am coeliac so have to be careful) so every Sunday I make all our meals for the week, put them in Tupperware and label them so we know what we are having... I don't make them repetitive or boring thanks to Pinterest and it saves us cooking all the time/spending loads of money on takeaways. This has always been the case and he used to be appreciative of it but recently it's like he is trying to test the waters and saying he wants to cook or get takeaway all the time, even though he knows I have spent hours prepping balanced meals for the week. I wouldn't mind but he could burn cereal! And when I asked him about it he just said he wanted some variety...? I tried to explain I make a very varied selection of food and if he wanted something specific just to ask me and he just huffed and puffed like I was being inconvenient

There are lots of other examples (moving where we keep the spare keys, from the designated spare key pot I have, to a random shelf - why?, purposely bringing up issues like having a pet (he knows I don't want animals in the house, full stop, we decided years ago so why is it an issue now), he even pulled all of his summer clothes out of storage boxes the other day and started trying to wedge them into into drawers because he decided it was time for them - when again, he knows that every year I get the winter stuff washed and vacuum sealed up and into the storage boxes around springtime and get our spring wardrobes out?). I know it might sound as though he's trying to be helpful but honestly it feels like he's just doing it to wind me up - I do a lot and again, I'm not complaining, I like things a certain way! But when I ask him why he's done something he just goes all vague and hasn't got a reason which to me suggests it's just done to make a point and he doesn't want to say what that is?!

Please help me decipher him because I am getting sick of feeling like he's rebelling against our routine and I have no idea why

OP glad you sortes it out but yes you come across as very regimented and does not like to deviate which can become suffocating and boring.. So I suggest you 'check in' with yourself every now and then to make sure you're not controlling..

I'm glad you had a chat!

We put away winter/summer clothes too. How on earth does anyone have room, otherwise?

DS1 keeps putting my keys away in the key pot, which is nice except I didn't use the same key pot as him. Took me ages to realise.

It's great that you are able to be flexible, when you realise it would be helpful. DH struggles with it still.

Thanks to the helpful commenters, you were lovely. To the odd one or two who have posted multiple times about what an awful person I am, cheers* 

Well, OP.

All I'll say is this 💪. I think you'll be fine. I bet your DH is feeling a lot better. Maybe not a lot will change, but him knowing that it can, and he's all part of it, might be enough.

Kudos to you to brave the affront and take notice.

And please, do bugger off for the weekend with DH and have fun!

I agree with the others. I would find all of that incredibly suffocating

Just amazed that apart from massive heavy winter coats anyone in the UK can distinguish from S/M clothes. I live in shorts, jumpers and wellies plus scarf for the vast majority of the year outside work stuff. Trade the shorts for jeans when cold, take the jumper off when warm.

I'd be in a complete mess if I had to separate my wardrobe by season. I have a few pairs of shorts and sundresses that are 100% summer but that is it.

Sorry S/W

Hi op well done for taking the onslaught of advice you've been given. Must have felt shit.
I can relate to how having things in order helps you feel calmer and more in control and having your DH seem to disturb this wilfully must have felt very personal.
Glad to hear you could talk it over and wish you the best in figuring things out.

Can I also add a 'well done' to the OP for taking the positives and riding out the negatives, and glad that the upshot is a better relationship.

So, a happy ending, I'd say.

Good for you OP and good for your DH that he communicated with you (I was knocked for suggesting that he should "use his words" but hey, he did and it worked!)

You and your DH have work to do but you recognise that and have acted on it. Good luck for the future and I hope you continue to work together on your relationship.

I'm just reading the thread like this.


Why is it "deliberately winding you up" if he puts the keys somewhere different to the designated place?!
(I'd be wanting to put them somewhere different every day just to mess with your head if I had to live with that, you'd love me, lol)
As for the meal plan thing. I get that. I suffer from allergies so can understand why you want to meal plan for the week. So you have a go to meal for weekdays with no thinking. Fair enough.
Why does that have to be extended so rigidly to your DH though? If he didn't fancy fish pie or whatever - why can't he sort himself out? He either eats it or he doesn't. He's a grown-up.

Can I also add a 'well done' to the OP for taking the positives and riding out the negatives, and glad that the upshot is a better relationship.So, a happy ending, I'd say

Oh crap, I've missed a vital update, haven't I?! I read as far as page 6. In my defence there's 16 of the buggers and it's gone 2am....

Sounds like it was a positive chat! I think it's always useful to get a few days away, a.it creates an opportunity to break up the routine!

Hope you have a lovely weekend away.