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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU? Or is my DH?

388 replies

user1492637408 · 19/04/2017 22:56

I am not sure if I'm being precious here so please do tell me Confused

DH and I have been together 5 years, married for 2, all good, the usual. Nothing to worry about - I would say we were really happy, we have no DC and no plans to, we're just enjoying our lives together. But in the last 6 months he has just thrown the rule book of our entire relationship out of the window. We have always done things a certain way - or more specifically, I take care of things, which I am happy to do so it's not like I've complained!

For example I like to meal plan (I am coeliac so have to be careful) so every Sunday I make all our meals for the week, put them in Tupperware and label them so we know what we are having... I don't make them repetitive or boring thanks to Pinterest and it saves us cooking all the time/spending loads of money on takeaways. This has always been the case and he used to be appreciative of it but recently it's like he is trying to test the waters and saying he wants to cook or get takeaway all the time, even though he knows I have spent hours prepping balanced meals for the week. I wouldn't mind but he could burn cereal! And when I asked him about it he just said he wanted some variety...? I tried to explain I make a very varied selection of food and if he wanted something specific just to ask me and he just huffed and puffed like I was being inconvenient Hmm

There are lots of other examples (moving where we keep the spare keys, from the designated spare key pot I have, to a random shelf - why?, purposely bringing up issues like having a pet (he knows I don't want animals in the house, full stop, we decided years ago so why is it an issue now), he even pulled all of his summer clothes out of storage boxes the other day and started trying to wedge them into into drawers because he decided it was time for them - when again, he knows that every year I get the winter stuff washed and vacuum sealed up and into the storage boxes around springtime and get our spring wardrobes out?). I know it might sound as though he's trying to be helpful but honestly it feels like he's just doing it to wind me up - I do a lot and again, I'm not complaining, I like things a certain way! But when I ask him why he's done something he just goes all vague and hasn't got a reason which to me suggests it's just done to make a point and he doesn't want to say what that is?! Confused

Please help me decipher him because I am getting sick of feeling like he's rebelling against our routine and I have no idea why

OP posts:
38cody · 19/04/2017 23:21

OH Dear you sound like a total nightmare - I would throttle you. Do you have designated 'relations' times and agreed positions too?
Poor guy.

Vroomster · 19/04/2017 23:22

Are your no DC plans his or yours?

Nocabbageinmyeye · 19/04/2017 23:22

He moved the spare key to a ... shelf...for no reason? LTB!

Or keep going as you are and he'll leave you, nobody can put up with controlling behaviour like that for too long

CheshireChat · 19/04/2017 23:22

I would move things around just to wind you up.

But honestly, I'd be advising your DH to leave.

Goldfishjane · 19/04/2017 23:23

Um
He fed himself before you turned up? Or are you going to say his parents did it?

Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 19/04/2017 23:23

Op you sound a tiny bit like the baddie from Sleeping With the Enemy!

HeddaGarbled · 19/04/2017 23:24

Yes, agree with PPs, he's rebelling because he's feeling constricted by your rules.

It's good to be well organised but you are overdoing it. He doesn't want to give you a week's advance notice of a meal for you to cook and put in your Tupperware box. He wants to come home from work, think 'I fancy sausage and chips tonight' and make it. Plus, how will he ever learn to cook if you won't let him try and make the odd mistake while he's learning?

Here's some suggestions for compromises:

He cooks one or two nights a week and you get a take away one night a week. When he cooks, you do not give any hint of criticism or impatience. Of course, he must comply with your health needs.

You keep your keys where you want them, then it doesn't matter where the spare keys are.

You control your own clothes, he does whatever he wants with his clothes and you do not comment or criticise.

The pet issue is probably not an issue on which it's possible to compromise but if you stop trying to control everything else, hopefully he'll stop trying to fight you on everything and let this one go.

corythatwas · 19/04/2017 23:24

"I suppose I could try and give him the reins a bit if it meant he would stop pushing back on the other things."

You mean like wearing his own clothes when he feels like it?

This can't possibly be for real? I don't think I have been this controlling with my dc since they were about 2, let alone dh who is an adult and my equal.

Crochetty · 19/04/2017 23:24

Not everyone enjoys an ordered and "easy" existence... spontaneity can be fun... sorry OP but you need to take a chill pill and LIVE... your DP sounds like he needs less routine and a bit more unpredictability in his life... and I don't blame him!! There is nothing wrong with having meals in the freezer for nights when you're particularly busy or to fall back on if you CBA but for everything to be set in stone every chuffing day... week in week out... and as for organising his clothes, give over. He need to be responsible for his own stuff... he is a bloke not baby!! Seek joy and fun OP... you are only young once and time moves faster and faster... seize the day and let loose and if you really can't do that you need to realise that you and your DP may not have a long term future together. Opposites may attract but they don't always coexist well.

User7654 · 19/04/2017 23:25

Is this a reverse? Confused

pinkflamingo12 · 19/04/2017 23:26

Quite frankly I think your behaviour is terrifying. The poor sod must cry himself to sleep at night, I'm surprised you don't hear him sobbing! Presuming you share the same bed that is or do you insist he sleeps in his own room with set bedtime?

category12 · 19/04/2017 23:26

Yes you're being precious and somewhat deranged. If you're for real.

If a person can't cook without burning the food, guess what, they need practice and to learn. He wants to. I was going to say, "let him" - but it's not up to you, he's an adult.

You really would be best fitted for living alone.

deydododatdodontdeydo · 19/04/2017 23:26

I am getting sick of feeling like he's rebelling against our routine

Your routine.
Your inflexible, oppressive, controlling routine.
The fact that he's not allowed to question it or deviate from it - shock! unpacking summer clothes before you've allowed it!
Sorry, does sound controlling and abusive.

Garlicansapphire · 19/04/2017 23:26

Sounds a very boring existence. I totally agree with spontaneity, passion and excitement.

And i still want to set free your poor DH!

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 19/04/2017 23:27

Wow

corythatwas · 19/04/2017 23:28

User7654 Wed 19-Apr-17 23:25:16
"Is this a reverse?"

I was thinking maybe one of those spoof threads that are actually a popular novel or film or something that we are all supposed to recognise but none of us actually do.

NeedABumChange · 19/04/2017 23:28

You sound like a complete nightmare! Your regime sound boring as fuck and disgustingly controlling. He needs Freedom programme!

Also you cook food for the whole week on Sunday? Thats a bit rank and I can't believe all that healthy, might as well buy ready meals!

Haffiana · 19/04/2017 23:29

I am amazed he lasted so long. OP, it doesn't matter if your way is 'best'. It may be that you are the sort of person who likes or even needs routine, but I would go nuts living with you in a matter of days, let alone years.

It is very telling that you say that when you talk he doesn't seem to know what he wants. My guess is that he is telling you very, very clearly, but because it doesn't fit in with your views on what is right/best, you simply cannot hear him. I suspect 'cannot' rather than 'will not'. Does that sound possible? Do you feel that you cannot understand him? Has he ever said that to you?

Willow2017 · 19/04/2017 23:30

Not another one!

Fuck sake is it still a full moon?

FeedMyFaceWithBattenberg · 19/04/2017 23:30

Op, you're not his mum.
Let him breathe a little.

TheWildOnes · 19/04/2017 23:30

Stop mothering him, let him eat and wear what he wants, he's a grown man!

stonecircle · 19/04/2017 23:31

I am not sure if I'm being precious here so please do tell me

You are being precious. In the extreme.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 19/04/2017 23:31

Willow I wondered that - it's either the annual convention for trolls or there are some seriously odd people about

Iamastonished · 19/04/2017 23:32

He sounds bored and probably wants a change from the humdrum routine.

Do you never do anything spontaneously?

Before DD was born we used to come home from work and just go out to eat because we didn't feel like cooking and washing up. Don't you ever eat salad or do a stir fry? Meals that have been precooked and frozen must get a little tiresome and boring if you eat them all the time.

PayRiseDilemma · 19/04/2017 23:33
Confused
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