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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? Or is my DH?

388 replies

user1492637408 · 19/04/2017 22:56

I am not sure if I'm being precious here so please do tell me Confused

DH and I have been together 5 years, married for 2, all good, the usual. Nothing to worry about - I would say we were really happy, we have no DC and no plans to, we're just enjoying our lives together. But in the last 6 months he has just thrown the rule book of our entire relationship out of the window. We have always done things a certain way - or more specifically, I take care of things, which I am happy to do so it's not like I've complained!

For example I like to meal plan (I am coeliac so have to be careful) so every Sunday I make all our meals for the week, put them in Tupperware and label them so we know what we are having... I don't make them repetitive or boring thanks to Pinterest and it saves us cooking all the time/spending loads of money on takeaways. This has always been the case and he used to be appreciative of it but recently it's like he is trying to test the waters and saying he wants to cook or get takeaway all the time, even though he knows I have spent hours prepping balanced meals for the week. I wouldn't mind but he could burn cereal! And when I asked him about it he just said he wanted some variety...? I tried to explain I make a very varied selection of food and if he wanted something specific just to ask me and he just huffed and puffed like I was being inconvenient Hmm

There are lots of other examples (moving where we keep the spare keys, from the designated spare key pot I have, to a random shelf - why?, purposely bringing up issues like having a pet (he knows I don't want animals in the house, full stop, we decided years ago so why is it an issue now), he even pulled all of his summer clothes out of storage boxes the other day and started trying to wedge them into into drawers because he decided it was time for them - when again, he knows that every year I get the winter stuff washed and vacuum sealed up and into the storage boxes around springtime and get our spring wardrobes out?). I know it might sound as though he's trying to be helpful but honestly it feels like he's just doing it to wind me up - I do a lot and again, I'm not complaining, I like things a certain way! But when I ask him why he's done something he just goes all vague and hasn't got a reason which to me suggests it's just done to make a point and he doesn't want to say what that is?! Confused

Please help me decipher him because I am getting sick of feeling like he's rebelling against our routine and I have no idea why

OP posts:
pinkflamingo12 · 20/04/2017 19:52

glad you sorted it OP Star

KateDaniels2 · 20/04/2017 19:52

Are you name changing op?Hmm

user492637408 · 20/04/2017 19:54

Yes sorry @KateDaniels2 I changed it from the generic one but then I realised it could be identifying and given how much grief I've got I thought I'd better delete it before I posted an update!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 20/04/2017 19:55

Name change OP?

So basically he's agreed with you and you have magnanimously agreed that he can have his summer clothes out now... well I called that earlier today Hmm

Poor bloke - it doesn't sound like he has benefitted from your chat

Mummyoflittledragon · 20/04/2017 20:01

This post is odd. Same user number minus the first 1. Not sure it really is the op.

Mummyoflittledragon · 20/04/2017 20:03

Oh I see it is. Glad you've sorted it and I hope you will be a bit more relaxed in the future.

user492637408 · 20/04/2017 20:04

@LiviaDrusillaAugusta You seem to have a lot of vitriol for me so I may as well reply directly! We spoke, he was glad I realised I was being overbearing about the food/clothes etc, he was glad to have a chance to really articulate how he was feeling about his business and admit he was stressed, and we've both come up with changes and compromises to make him less stressed about work/me less rigid with my planning. I'd say that was a pretty good outcome? We tend to check in emotionally with other pretty regularly and it was clear we just needed to communicate rather than each getting in a tizzy separately - and foresee a takeaway in our near future - is that good enough for you?

Some revelations for me have definitely come out of this thread but at the same time the amount of people who jumped straight to 'you're insane and abusive' was really upsetting.

user492637408 · 20/04/2017 20:05

As for the NC I tried to just copy my first number after I realised the name was a bit obvious but I didn't manage to copy it all because my thumbs and touchscreen phones don't go well together!

Conniedescending · 20/04/2017 20:08

Gosh.....I think you need to think about what's going on with you!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 20/04/2017 20:08

I'm sure it's lovely OP and I don't know what emotional checking in means but it's probably awesome Grin

Btw - You didn't need to actually tag me - just bolding my name would have been sufficient and would have saved the email notification.

OutToGetYou · 20/04/2017 20:10

Christ Livia, give her a break will you!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 20/04/2017 20:12

I will indeed - Tbf I only came back as I had been 'tagged'

Cuppaoftea · 20/04/2017 20:13

Sounds like a good outcome to me Op, glad you got things sorted and feel reassured.

user492637408 · 20/04/2017 20:15

You're a treat, aren't you, Livia? There's a fine line between constructive criticism and just nastiness...

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 20/04/2017 20:17

Well I hadn't intended to be nasty so I apologise.

Roussette · 20/04/2017 20:17

OP... try and take the positives from this, it's resulted in a good conversaton with your DH that you can build on

OutToGetYou · 20/04/2017 20:19

Maybe, just maybe...not everyone knows that the @ symbol tags and emails people, eh? I mean, I didn't, for example.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 20/04/2017 20:20

I have just apologised....

user492637408 · 20/04/2017 20:24

Yes that's pretty much where I'm at Roussette - it's good sometimes to get an outside perspective. I know full well that I'm an overplanner and quite regimented, it's just the way I am, and it's good to know when I'm going too far - and thanks to this thread, it's prompted a really helpful conversation with him where he gently mocked my organisational skills Grin

Roussette · 20/04/2017 20:31

Yes, an outside perspective is useful and I know I can be a tiny bit like this myself, in that I prefer to have things done my way. I do try to fight that but it's hard!

Good luck Smile

Topseyt · 20/04/2017 20:37

You are not an awful person, OP. Just overly regimented. Grin

EatsLeavesAndShit · 20/04/2017 20:42

Wow OP congratulations for surviving one of the worst savagings I've seen on here for years. Flowers

gamerchick · 20/04/2017 20:49

I'm sure it's lovely OP and I don't know what emotional checking in means but it's probably awesome

It is, pretty much essential in a relationship for bonding.

Whilst I don't understand the clothes thing ( maybe just do your winter clothes and let him sort himself out?) I'm in awe of the meal planning and cooking for the week. I don't know if I would like premade meals every day but a varity to just grab when you can't be arsed sounds better than batch cooking.

derxa · 20/04/2017 20:52

You are not an awful person, OP. Just overly regimented I agree.

C4Envelope · 20/04/2017 21:22

Incredible slagging well taken OP. Best of luck to you, you organised, regimented and obviously very passionate individual.

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