More of a wwyd? Need advice..

[user1492636556]

Hello, looking for advice and not sure if this is the best place to post. Long time lurker, first time poster.

Im 24 and have a DD who's just turned 2. I split with her father during my pregnancy due to his and his families behaviour towards me when I fell pregnant. (Note he has had MH issues in the past and can still display very erratic explosive behaviour which often makes me question that he still suffers with these issues) I know he still has feelings for me, and continually expresses the desire to get back together, but I have made it clear to him that it's not what I want.

When we split we both had to move back into our parents houses due to not being able to afford renting separately. We live in SE London, where rent is sky high. I am really happy living back with my parents as they give me lots of support and they love having us living with them. I am a SAHM atm.

He is an absolute brilliant dad towards our DD and she adores him. He sees her every weekend. No overnights as he doesn't have much space at his parents, but takes her out all day sat and sun.

Here's my issue and I don't really know how to deal with it.

My parents have always wanted to move away from the area as they get older, and preferably somewhere by the coast. My DM and DF have recently found a property that they are really interested in buying. Problem is, it's a 7 hour + drive from where we live at the moment. Me and my DM went to have a look at the property recently, and it is absolutely beautiful. Massive house, lovely location, and lots of potential for my DD to have a wonderful outdoorsy lifestyle. There is also a business opportunity for my parents there as well, meaning I would be able to work for them as well, earning money.

If it wasnt for my DDs father I would absolutely have no hesitation about moving there.

I have no way of staying in the SE by myself. I'm on the council list but on the lowest priority meaning I'll be waiting years for a place. I cannot afford to privately rent. The only option for me is to move with my parents and DD.

I have obviously broached the issue as sensitively as I can with her dad. And understandably he's gone ballistic. Accusing me of taking his DD away from him. I just don't really know what to do, the potential of us moving is seriously affecting his mental health, which I do understand as I would feel exactly the same.

There isn't really the option of him packing up and moving to be near us either. There's nothing in the way of work for him there and he's on such a low income ATM he wouldn't be able to get a deposit or anything together.

I was just wondering if anyone had any advice or if they've been in a similar situation. I want my DD to continue having a fabulous relationship with her dad but if we move I can't see how this is going to work.

Apologies for such a long post. Thanks if you've got this far


random great post.

My dad lived 5 hours from me growing up. I still had a very close relationship with him. My mom either took me to see him or he would come down to see us or they would meet half way a lot of the time. HE PAID child support like a parent should who is not primary parent. We talked on the phone everyday. Eventually he moved closer, but that was years later.

Any man that talks to the mother of his child using vile words and calling her awful names angry or not.. definitely doesn't seem like someone you should be stuck in the same city with alone and away from your support network!!

My advice is to stop asking for advice. You are making the classic mistake of looking for approval to lessen the guilt when you KNOW what needs to be done. This is not an option. You need to move with your parents. Even if you were able to get a housing benefit, who would provide childcare? Where would your support be? And is her father going to step up and start paying the support he should be?? All of those sound unlikely. If you are the primary career you need to do what is in your best interest and your child's. If you put yourself in a very stressful situation (not being able to afford to live on your own and losing your family support) it is going to affect the overall happiness and well being of your child.
There will ALWAYS be irrational people who are going to disapprove of your choices, even when they are the most sensible ones you can be making. The people on here talking trash are probably someone's crazy ex mother in law venting their own bitterness at life. Screw them.