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AIBU?

Who is BU? Contact weekends and DCs

285 replies

GaelicSiog · 18/04/2017 21:20

This will be long, sorry. I don't want to drip feed.

Two families.

L is DM and R is DF to DD3
L and R split before DD was born, R remarried to F. F has DD1, DD2 and DS1 from a previous relationship, and F and R have DTS2 and DTS3 together.

DD3 lives with L, and has contact with R EOW. Other DCs live with F and R, with DD1, DD2 and DS1 having contact with their dad every month.

DD3 attends an activity on Saturday mornings. Activity takes up the whole morning. DD3 has been doing this activity since she was 3 and the hours it takes up have increased as she's gotten older. DD3 is now 7. L signed her up for this activity. DD3 attends this activity every Saturday morning whichever weekend it is and has done since R managed to get a contract agreement set up. On contact weekends R takes DD3 to activity and picks her up. F takes DD1 and DD2 to another activity.

DS1 has decided he would like to start an activity which also runs on a Saturday morning. Closest place to do this is a 45 minute drive away, which means R cannot drop off DD3 and take DS1. R suggests that DD3 no longer attends her activity on contact weekends and can choose instead if she would like to go with R or F. She will still get to attend on weekends with L.

DD3 is upset because coaches at her activity say she cannot do comps if she doesn't come every weekend. L suggests contact hours are changed, DD3 stays with her Saturday mornings and is dropped with R and F after this activity. R isn't happy with his contact being shortened, and suggests DD3 arrive on Friday afternoon as normal, L picks her up Saturday morning and takes her to activity and drops her back after. L says she is not a taxi service. Parent of friend of DD3 who also attends her activity lives near F and R and offers to help with lifts. R isn't comfortable with this.

L tells R DD3 has said she feels her dad is putting his stepson ahead of her. She says R and F's solution isn't fair because it favours the resident DC. R and F feel L is using this as another excuse to scale back contact. R does not want to spend the morning driving back and forth taking both DCs every other Saturday.

If you're still with me, who is being unreasonable in this situation? Sorry for the length.

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Lovewineandchocs · 05/05/2017 23:34

How's it going Gaelic-is your DD with you or her Dad tonight?

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GaelicSiog · 06/05/2017 19:01

She went this morning- DDs choice, she decided she didn't want them all to fight over it this morning she we called ex Thursday night and she told him she wanted to stay at mine until Saturday morning so she and DSS1 could both do their activities. No idea what will happen next contact weekend, but he accepted it this week. She's staying over there tonight only, she seems to think DSD2 will be nicer about sharing a room than DSD1. They are closer in age which probably helps. I'll report back tomorrow, but I'm hoping for no issues this weekend!

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AHobbyaweek · 07/05/2017 10:53

Hope everything was ok last night and DSD2 was more accommodating.

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walkinganhouraday · 07/05/2017 22:16

Just seen a mid sleeper bunk bed on sale on gumtree. 2 weeks old and selling because didn't check size before buying. I am intrigued.

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GaelicSiog · 07/05/2017 22:25

It was a high sleeper, walking, but you have to wonder the story being that one too Grin

It's been a relative success this weekend. Dad had no issues sharing with DSD2 and actually it sounds as though both girls enjoyed it, although I am wary that the novelty may wear off in a few weeks. They're setting up some storage for DSD2 on the landing, but they've told her she has to have a clear out of her stuff because it won't all fit. I can see that leading to resentment. Hopefully they'll do it this week and it will be over by next contact weekend. But so far their solution is working, although I'm still livid on the behalf of the other kids that DSD1 is being treated like a princess. But then again not my problem.

Thanks all for the support on this thread Flowers

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Lovewineandchocs · 07/05/2017 22:33

That's good Gaelic hope they continue to get on. If your DD keeps staying with you on the Friday nights before her activity then DSD2 will only have to share her room once a fortnight. And F and your ex can't really complain about the reduced contact as they turned down a perfectly good solution to the activity clash. Hope all goes smoothly again next contact weekend Smile

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mikeyssister · 12/05/2017 22:48

What's the plan this weekend Gaelic?

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GaelicSiog · 14/05/2017 19:02

This weekend is my weekend Mikey, so no issues thankfully. Next weekend they have a family party on their side, so I'm hoping that might mean they're all too tired to care who sleeps where on Saturday night. Not sure about when she'll go there though, I'm waiting for him to take the lead. If not I'll discuss with DD later this week. Hopedully they'll realise how well last weekend worked out, but I wouldn't put it past them not to.

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mikeyssister · 15/05/2017 11:19

Of course they won't remember, it doesn't suit their agenda Sad

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mikeyssister · 25/05/2017 22:20

What's the plan for the weekend @GaelicSiog

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