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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about changing a nappy on a cafe table?

340 replies

Catsize · 18/04/2017 19:07

So, I usually grab something quick and cheap for lunch but decided to treat myself to a nice baked spud in an art gallery cafe.

Half way through said spud, and perusing MN, I looked up to see that the people on the table nearby were changing a baby's nappy on the table where they'd just eaten.

My face must have been a bit of a picture because one of the women looked at me as if to say 'what?'. Feeling I had to justify myself, I said 'it's just that it's a bit grim changing a baby's nappy on a cafe table'.

The woman doing the changing asked if I was a mum. Instead of saying 'what difference would that make?', I said I had two children. She said she didn't realise I was watching(?). I said it was more of a hygiene thing, but yes, it had put me off my lunch somewhat.

She replied that it was 'only a bit of wee'.

So, was I being unreasonable hygiene thing and it is 'only a bit of wee', or is this utterly grim?

For clarity, this was in an area out of sight of the staff and I was the only other customer in that area.

The loos were ten paces away, full changing facilities and pristine.

OP posts:
IckleWicklePumperNickle · 19/04/2017 20:01

Wow I have 2 DC and would also have looked agog.

That's disgusting!

Lifeonthefarm · 19/04/2017 20:27

What a skank. Gross.

Itsjustaphase2016 · 19/04/2017 20:35

Nah I don't mind! With 3 dcs under 4, eating always seems to involve some kind of wee or poo incident! And loads of mums I know do because they are out with other small children and don't want to leave them alone.

ThreeLeggedHaggis · 19/04/2017 20:43

MrsK did NOT change her baby's nappy on a dining table in front of all of us. She changed her baby on a spare and unused table in the corner of the room - the only available space she had, under the circumstances. As I said previously, she did it discreetly, quickly and cleaned up hygienically.

Oh come on, what nonsense. Changing a baby on a "spare and unused" table in an EATING ESTABLISHMENT is fucking rank, and of course there were other options.

It's disgusting.

Dizzy2009 · 19/04/2017 20:51

Okay, ThreeLeggedHaggis, let's have it, what would you have done?
The toilet cubicle was too small for her to change her baby's nappy in, and she could barely walk, she had been given a lift so she could get out for the first time.
It seems to me she did the best she could out of an awkward situation, cleaning behind herself.
How would you have changed the baby's nappy? Rather than insulting her, let's hear your solution.

Floggingmolly · 19/04/2017 20:51

It's like If a tree falls in a forest and nobody hears it...
When is a dining table not a dining table? I don't think a table not being dined off at that precise moment in a room full of dining tables is any less a dining table. But that's just me.

Bluebell28 · 19/04/2017 20:53

I feel sorry for any baby whose mother doesn't know what a table is used for..poor child of dirty mother

hazeyjane · 19/04/2017 20:54

See if you were me, MrsK, at 4'11", you could have just changed your dc under the table, then no-one would have even noticed. #blessingsofbeingshort

badabing36 · 19/04/2017 20:58

Yanbu.

I worked in a cafe and someone changed a nappy on the floor, which I thought was bad enough. I said 'we do have a changing table in the toilet', she replied cheerfully 'I know, we're fine here'.

WanderingTrolley1 · 19/04/2017 21:03

Yanbu.

Rude and entitled behaviour.

Okayestmum123 · 19/04/2017 21:12

Awful hope would have been horrendous to smell that during your lunch

scootinFun · 19/04/2017 21:28

I have never changed a nappy on a table, though I have had to surreptitiously whip on a new pair of pull ups on my tot (behind a tree and out of sight). I think public changing is unhygienic. Having said that - I'm not sure why Mrs Koala is getting such a lashing. She used a mat, checked with the group, was off in a corner, had medical issues and cleaned up after herself. People WHO WERE THERE have posted saying how discreet she was. And if she's anything like me that table would have been cleaner when she finished than when she started.
And for all the posters about to tell me how grim I am - I don't change nappies in public (bar that once and given the closest person on the beach was easily 600m away I doubt it counts), I do find it off-putting BUT in certain situations sometimes needs must.

Sparklyglitter · 19/04/2017 21:37

That is utterly disgusting! Shock

Blueskyonthehorizon · 19/04/2017 22:25

Oh FFS this thread is getting ridiculous. Get a grip you sanctimonious pearl clutchers!

I would not do what the cafe woman did, but really does it merit such a full on aghast? It's not particularly pleasant, but nobody died.

And I definitely would do what MrsK did, esp as I cannot kneel down so a table is just the right height.

I think there is a difference between a wee and poo nappy in terms of acceptableness. I have often done a quick lap nappy change in public, and now toddler is potty training there is no time or chance for coyness or decorum. People can just get over it or do one.

has nobody yet said 'think of the children'?

Glossolalia · 19/04/2017 22:43

This thread is so perfectly MN.

fizzywaterlove · 19/04/2017 22:47

I would never do this but I can totally get why she did it. Quite often I didn't think straight when DD was a few months old.

I'd do it at a picnic discreetly if I had to.

Once I was shopping in next and I saw a dad whip out a potty and let his DD do a wee in the middle of the shop. He apologised and said 'trying really hard with potty training' of course it didn't bother me.

TessTube · 19/04/2017 23:52

I'm confused why people are having a go at someone who changed a nappy at a private function where everyone was happy for her to do so and cleaned up afterwards.

It's so daft I can't take it seriously.

Totally different to a cafe table.

SuperFlyHigh · 20/04/2017 08:27

Dizzy I was being sarcastic in my original question to you. Apologies.

I still think this is horrible behaviour and with an able bodied mother and child there are usually suitable toilets within walking vicinity.

MiaowTheCat · 20/04/2017 08:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 20/04/2017 09:00

Does anyone else have an image of a ten foot Koala changing a nappy in their head? Confused

Dizzy2009 · 20/04/2017 09:34

I agree, TessTube, though I think MrsK could have predicted the response she would get on here when she joined in!
SuperFlyHigh, I think the point was that she wasn't able-bodied on that day, she says she could barely walk. I suspect that if I'd been in her position I wouldn't have gone to the event, once the babysitter let me down, knowing it wasn't child friendly. But once she was there, needs must.

MrsKoala · 20/04/2017 09:56

Dizzy - sorry, you've got my scenarios mixed up. The first when i had 3rd degree tear and ds1 was 2 weeks old i could barely walk. The second (5yrs later) when i brought my 5mo dd t mn meet up i was perfectly able to walk - i just find it painful to get on the floor in general due to my massive crappy old body!

My 5mo is portable and well behaved. I wouldn't have thought of not taking her somewhere or checking if there was a changing table in a pub. Probably because all the ones round here have them.

I honestly didn't predict the passion of the response (they always surprise me on MN) because it seemed like a reasonable thing. A few 'well i wouldn't' maybe. But even so, why would i not post? it wouldn't be a balanced discussion if all the people just joined the chorus of 'disgusting' . I think this thread has turned out quite interesting because people are thinking where their own line is. Either 'grim and gross in every circumstance' or 'well, in some situations i can see how it's okay ' etc. That seems a more thoughtful and reasoned conclusion than a group outrage wank which i think can put people off posting if they don't agree. So often threads can become echo chambers.

I was just trying to point out that occasionally in the moment you make a judgement based on what's available. That it isn't black and white 'Minger or Right'.

MrsKoala · 20/04/2017 09:59

Lois, this is me.

about changing a nappy on a cafe table?
GeneHuntsMistress · 20/04/2017 10:01

I've been in your situation twice before, the first time I changed DC on my lap in the toilet, the next time was much later on and although dc obviously larger, I actually found it easier to lay the muslin on the toilet seat and hold dc head up whilst changing one handed. After that I did it whenever there were no changing facilities in a toilet rather than using eh floor anyway.

ridingsixwhitehorses · 20/04/2017 10:09

Actually I do it - on my lap rather than a table - I have other kids and not always easy to get baby to loo and the other two kids and the buggy and bags if in a place where you think they might get nicked and where your food is on the table and might get cleared away if not there. Staff should wipe the table clean after each customer anyway.