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AIBU?

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Original poster

To kick dh out

193 replies

Mrsdropdeadfred · 18/04/2017 10:39

Ok so dh went out last night at 11.30, said he was only going for a few pints and would be back soon so he could still help out with the kids in the morning (36 weeks pregnant and struggling to shift my fat arse at the moment)
To cut a long story short he's still not home. He was out two nights last week so it's not like he's desperate for freedom, he knows this sort of behaviour is a issue for me and it's something we've been arguing about recently. Apparently just because I'm pregnant, tired and insecure he should still be able to do what he wants (his words).
I also found out after some detective work on Facebook that the girl he added a few weeks ago who was 'just someone from work' turns out to be a girl he met at a nightclub.
Right now my head is up my arse, I'm sick of him promising he will change and everytime he goes out it turns into a massive bender. Right now I just want to start packing his shit up for when he eventually crawls back. He can never just have a few pints at the pub and I think what's worse is the lying about him not going out late and now who random girls are Hmm and I've just realised while typing this he's took my card and keys! So that's me and the kids stuck in the house Angry
Sorry for the rambling I'm far too embarrassed to talk to anyone irl about this

OP posts:
rainbowstardrops · 18/04/2017 14:37

Jeez, what a nasty fucker!
Who the hell goes out at 11.30pm for a couple of drinks I'm old
I'm glad you've kicked the waste of space out

anotherpoisonprince · 18/04/2017 14:43
Flowers
DavetheCat2001 · 18/04/2017 14:47

Bravo OP.

Keep strong x

cocobatter · 18/04/2017 14:48

de-lurking to congratulate you OP x

Topseyt · 18/04/2017 14:54

Stop paying for his phone right away if you can. Either cancel the direct debit or get the provider to cancel the SIM. Whichever is the best option.

Perhaps text him a short warning that you will be doing that so that he sets up and takes on his own phone contract if he wants to keep service going. You can usually have a cap put on to stop him going much over his allowance to keep some control while you wait for things to become effective.

I wouldn't continue to pay his bills for a minute longer than necessary.

Chloe84 · 18/04/2017 14:58

Might try get the phone back that I'm paying for from my account but thats a fight for another day

Well done, OP. If he won't return the phone, be sure to cancel the contract. Or report it lost/stolen.

EweAreHere · 18/04/2017 15:04

Might try get the phone back that I'm paying for from my account but thats a fight for another day

Make that day tomorrow.

And I would still request a new card; he might have the details he needs to order online, etc.

I hope you have someone you can call for help which you will need when you do have the baby.

tabbymog · 18/04/2017 15:19

Well done, OP, the first step is the hardest.

I second the advice to cancel the card, they're very easy to scan, handheld scanners look like mobile phones. I had a demo by a security officer from my bank when mine was scanned back in January.

Take care of yourself and warmest wishes. I made it through a nasty protracted breakup, a long time ago now, and am a happy, cranky, independent old bat, 70 in 11 days time. Grin

Kevinbaconsrealwife · 18/04/2017 15:30

Another mahoosive " well done" from me....you've been dignified,,strong and amazing in the face of a total lying deceitful spiteful wanker....wishing you and your children happiness away from this loser.....and thinking of the baby you so tragically lost last year bless you....xx

MrsChopper · 18/04/2017 15:37

Well done, lass! Wine

Boooooom · 18/04/2017 15:37

Well done OP!

Willow2017 · 18/04/2017 15:49

Well done. You are well rid of that man child. He doesn't realise what he has thrown away I hope she is worth it.
You will be fine, you and kids come first over some tosser.
Good luck.

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 18/04/2017 16:14

As PP have said, cancel the card unless you've transferred everything to another account.

Please try to get the locks changed - although you've got your keys back, presumably he still has one of his own. And even if he's returned that, he could have had another one cut.

And OP I don't want to force you, but you haven't answered the questions about whether you have real life support available to you. I for one would feel reassured to know you're not dealing with this completely alone.

DartmoorDoughnut · 18/04/2017 16:25

Congrats OP!

ohfourfoxache · 18/04/2017 16:26

Well done Thanks

ineedwine99 · 18/04/2017 16:34

Stay strong OP Flowers

AnyFucker · 18/04/2017 16:42

Good for you

Now please stay strong when he comes crawling back. He won't give up his soft landing too easily.

Goingtobeawesome · 18/04/2017 16:50

He's got £20 as his leaving present now cancel his phone and that's yours.

Therealslimshady1 · 18/04/2017 16:56

What a total wanker

incogKNEEto · 18/04/2017 17:06

Well done. I agree with others, if you do decide to change the locks you can get new barrels quite easily and cheaply and YouTube shows you how.

HerBluebiro · 18/04/2017 17:20

Well done on your strength to do this. I'm so sorry that close to such a significant anniversary he is being such a bell end. You deserve better.

As others have said, but to add my voice to the chorus, you are not in the wrong here. Noone needs to go out at 11.30 at night (I'm so old. But that is not the time you nip out for a couple of points with your mates. The pubs are closing then. That's the time of night you go clubbing). Noone then falls off the planet being uncontactable until midday the next day. He has slept somewhere....and even were I inclined to be generous(I'm not) that somewhere (or more pertinently that someone) had their own phone he could have borrowed. Even a police cell does. And worst of all you are in late pregnancy and could legitimately labour at any time.

Even if you really did prevent him going out at all except work/fatherly duties, you would not be in the wrong! As it is he had been out last week as well.

Well done for acting with strength.

Original poster
Mrsdropdeadfred · 18/04/2017 17:22

He doesn't have any keys for this house so that's one thing at least. Cancelled my bank card and a new one is on its way. The contract is for a phone and a sim and is only £13pm I've got the sim in my phone he's got the phone.
I've told him if he really wants to keep the phone then I keep his computer.
I only wanted the phone back so he couldn't flog it for another cheap night out but I've settled myself with the thought that if he does that he then has no phone or computer so fuck him.
He was faffing about getting his clothes so I ended up chucking all of them in the garden and sending him a photo of it ( wish id thrown some dog shit in with it but I controlled myself) and he was round in ten minutes with 5 teenagers (ex is in his mid 30s btw) thinking he was some sort of hard man. I've now completely blocked him from everything until I'm ready to talk to him.
His sister is disgusted with him a sent me £20 to cover what he took off me to spend on the kids which she didn't have to do but was lovely
Now I've just got to get used to doing this alone again. I've got great support around me, I'm just embarrassed this has happened again.

OP posts:
cocobatter · 18/04/2017 17:26

Don't be embarrassed! It's not your fault he's a tosser!!

AnyFucker · 18/04/2017 17:28

Be embarrassed if you take him back after this latest display of twattery from him. That is all.

CakeUpWall · 18/04/2017 17:29

You have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about! He, on the other hand, should be hanging his head in shame. Well done for keeping strong. Flowers