Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To kick dh out

193 replies

Mrsdropdeadfred · 18/04/2017 10:39

Ok so dh went out last night at 11.30, said he was only going for a few pints and would be back soon so he could still help out with the kids in the morning (36 weeks pregnant and struggling to shift my fat arse at the moment)
To cut a long story short he's still not home. He was out two nights last week so it's not like he's desperate for freedom, he knows this sort of behaviour is a issue for me and it's something we've been arguing about recently. Apparently just because I'm pregnant, tired and insecure he should still be able to do what he wants (his words).
I also found out after some detective work on Facebook that the girl he added a few weeks ago who was 'just someone from work' turns out to be a girl he met at a nightclub.
Right now my head is up my arse, I'm sick of him promising he will change and everytime he goes out it turns into a massive bender. Right now I just want to start packing his shit up for when he eventually crawls back. He can never just have a few pints at the pub and I think what's worse is the lying about him not going out late and now who random girls are Hmm and I've just realised while typing this he's took my card and keys! So that's me and the kids stuck in the house Angry
Sorry for the rambling I'm far too embarrassed to talk to anyone irl about this

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 18/04/2017 13:48

He's a gaslighting, alcoholic, cheating, lying fuckmuppet. Cancel the card NOW. I'd go ahead and get the locks changed since it's your house. Kick him to the curb. His story about where he was is bullshit, too, you know. You don't need this cockwomble in your life.

confusedat23 · 18/04/2017 13:50

Well done OP

Do you have someone who could come over and sit with you, your parents or siblings or anything?

Just some support for you for when he does come back as he will act like a grade A Dickhead and currently you have no way of stopping him coming into the house.

ScrambledSmegs · 18/04/2017 13:50

I have to agree with other posters, it does look suspiciously like he's spent the night with another woman. Even if not, the way he's treated you is dreadful.

I'm really sorry OP, you deserve much better than this waste of space.

debbs77 · 18/04/2017 13:50

What a awful situation! He has shown you exactly who he is, well done for listening!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 18/04/2017 13:52

So sorry about your baby OP. You deserver so much better than this oaf of a bloke. You will be fine without him. Do you have anyone who can wait with you? And if he took your keys, does that mean he might have left his somewhere in the house? Let us know you are OK. Flowers

Bananamanfan · 18/04/2017 13:53

Sorry if i've missed this bit, but can you get out of the house, op?

Topseyt · 18/04/2017 13:57

The only explanation I can think of for him going out at 11.30 at night must be to cheat. Surely it would already be closing time at most pubs.

OP, I am very sorry for your recent loss, and that this twat must be making things a million times worse for you.

He is an arse. Keep strong now.

gamerchick · 18/04/2017 13:59

And watch out for him crying. They always do that

Yep, the big tears and snot that they don't even attempt to wipe away to it just streams and hangs from the face.

Good luck OP. One step at a time.

NervousNellie29 · 18/04/2017 13:59

I have to agree with @Topseyt because it would also then make sense that he had somewhere to stay since he "fell asleep"

What an absolute dickhead. I'm so sorry OP, about everything you've had to go through. Flowers

Inertia · 18/04/2017 14:07

I'm so sorry for everything you've been through.

This excuse for a man really doesn't deserve you- you're doing the right thing.

Have you actually reported the card stolen, so he can't use it?

If you can use the back door,can you bolt the front door until you can get a locksmith? After all, your keys have been stolen so you need to keep your family safe. Keep the back door keys somewhere very safe.

And if he becomes aggressive, you need to ring the police immediately.

Justanothernameonthepage · 18/04/2017 14:12

This is probably the point to put a callout on fb asking if anyone can recommend a locksmith and or pick you up and install a chain (block him from seeing your status). For now, put any key in the lock on the inside (if you have a barrel that goes all the way through) so he can't unlock it and force himself in. If you can, use a credit card to pay for a locksmith or ask for a loan from someone - it's really important that you make sure you can get in/out and secure the house.

Justanothernameonthepage · 18/04/2017 14:13

Oh and really do report the card. It has been stolen if he took it without permission.

Justanothernameonthepage · 18/04/2017 14:15

But if you really can't afford a locksmith, then as suggested upthread, call 101. And tell them that you're stuck in the house with children.

Original poster
Mrsdropdeadfred · 18/04/2017 14:16

Keys and card have been posted through the letter box Smile he's taken £20 but fuck it that can be his leaving present.
Might try get the phone back that I'm paying for from my account but thats a fight for another day.
His numbers getting blocked but I'll have to sort out contact with the kids at some point, but he can wait. He wasn't arsed when he was fucking everything up and he didn't even ask about them when he rang so theyre obviously not a priority to him

OP posts:
Reow · 18/04/2017 14:18

Well done OP. You're amazing.

NameChanger1878 · 18/04/2017 14:22

Well done OP Flowers StY strong x

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 18/04/2017 14:23

Well done OP, lock the selfish fucker out permanently. And make plans for rest of your life (and welcoming new baby). Hope all goes well. X

Justanothernameonthepage · 18/04/2017 14:24

Well done :)

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 18/04/2017 14:25

Good.

IwillrunIwillfly · 18/04/2017 14:27

Well done op! Would it be worth getting a new card anyway incase he took a note of the details to use online? Hope this is a start of better times for you.

hellsbellsmelons · 18/04/2017 14:28

Well done!
It's just the first hurdle though.
But give yourself some time and space.
Do you have a friend who can come round later for a natter and a rant?

SnicketyLemon · 18/04/2017 14:29

At least the dcs are young enough that they probably won't remember his vile behaviour.
You should be able to call your phone provider and have his sim blocked if it's on your account. He'd still have the handset but wouldn't be able to run up a bill.

SnicketyLemon · 18/04/2017 14:31

And well done for binning the twunt

User998877 · 18/04/2017 14:32

Amazing what we can do when we reach tipping point isn't it OP. Well done, quite an achievement in your situation.

Now remember how he's making you feel even when you calm down and he's trying to wheedle his way back in your good books. He's a twat and will always be. I know you'll have a lot on your plate but it will be so much easier without him to worry about or look after.

MrsPringles · 18/04/2017 14:34

Op - you're so brave, well done! Flowers