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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nursery telling child to stop sucking thumb

114 replies

Myloto1981 · 17/04/2017 22:25

My dd has it been keen to go to nursery for a couple of weeks (before easter holidays) even though she loved it before. She told me and her dad a few times this week that the teachers have told her she mustn't suck her thumb and they tell her off for doing so.

Dd is only 3, she takes a lot of comfort from sucking her thumb and I think they should have discussed this with us if they had an issue with it.

Aibu to have a word with head tomorrow? I'm not happy at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Myloto1981 · 17/04/2017 22:26

Sorry that should read dd has not been keen.

OP posts:
bionicant · 17/04/2017 22:27

yes definitely have a word. I like to pick my fingers and have done for years would be pissed if someone asked me to stop!

Allthewaves · 17/04/2017 22:30

I was a thumb sucker - completely trashed my teeth ended up with fixed braces for years and was still sucking thumb when tired in my 20s so I think you should encourage her to stop now. Your going to have to do it at some point as you won't want her sucking thumb in reception

RedHelenB · 17/04/2017 22:32

They Wouldn't have kids sucking dummies at age 3 so I can see why they would try to discourage thumb sucking

Fragglez · 17/04/2017 22:32

It's not their choice to make. Definitely ask them what's going on.

ChasedByBees · 17/04/2017 22:32

As allthewaves says, it will damage her test so I think you should join hem to get her to stop.

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 17/04/2017 22:32

Don't you discourage it at home?

JoshLymanIsHotterThanSam · 17/04/2017 22:32

Nursery is a generally a grotty place not intentionally but because 3 year olds are generally grotbags..thumb sucking will encourage the likes of worms and stuff. Nursery staff are looking out for your child.

I am the parent of a thumb sucking child...I wished to god that it'd been discouraged a bit more back when he was 3, actually scrap that-I should have given him a bloody dummy. He's 7 and we are still trying to break the habit and he's got a terrible overbite. Again the nursery are looking out for your child. So imo YABU

ChasedByBees · 17/04/2017 22:32

For crying out loud autocorrect. It will damage her teeth. Join them.

hoopdeloop · 17/04/2017 22:34

If you are really unhappy, speak to the nursery staff first because they will be the ones seeing your DD all the time and can discuss it with you.
However I do think that she will eventually need to stop. Her peers will notice and some of them might not be nice about it, even at a young age

GotToGetMyFingerOut · 17/04/2017 22:36

They do the exact same to my son and it makes him really hate nursery. Sister in law who is a nursery teacher at another nursery said it's out of order and they'd never do it.

Spoke to his teacher to let her know he's getting pretty worried about coming to nursery because of it and she denied doing it and he said they haven't said it to him since.

As for the comments about ruining teeth. It's not an issue for me until he gets big teeth. And it's not a relatable to a dummy which a child would likely have in all the time even whilst speaking. Thumb suckers take their thumb out to talk and to do activities.

feathermucker · 17/04/2017 22:36

I think they should be discouraging it as it gets harder to break the habit the older a child gets. It can affect the shape of their teeth too.

Perhaps have a chat though and see what they say if you're unhappy.

Original poster
Myloto1981 · 17/04/2017 22:37

Good to hear your opinions. We don't discourage it at home as it is becoming less and less naturally. She will suck thumb at bed time or when she feels unsure about something. So I guess the times she was sucking her thumb at nursery she was just feeling in need of a bit of comfort. I just feel sad that she was told to stop by her teachers. Me or dp have never told her it's wrong. Our mistake perhaps.

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Gileswithachainsaw · 17/04/2017 22:37

I think they are doing you a favour tbh. Dd used to suck her thumb drive me crazy I'd have gone nits of pre school had let her do it. It damages their teeth and makes them difficult to understand and it's rude talking to people with your thumb in your mouth.

Threes old enough for the nail stuff. It's fab!!

Ameliablue · 17/04/2017 22:37

They should perhaps have spoken to you but it is probably standard practice to discourage it and really it should be discouraged.

Fragglez · 17/04/2017 22:38

Btw im 32, still suck my thumb when sleeping and my teeth are fine. Not saying i wish i didn't, but thumb sucking doesn't always lead to a 'smile like a basket of chips', as my granny would say.

I wouldn't go in all guns blazing, but i would want their explanation on why they feel it's appropriate for them to have made this decision without discussion.

SlB09 · 17/04/2017 22:39

They absolutely should be discussing this with you first, especially as it involves her comfort, behaviour and emotional wellbeing. Its your decision when you think its the right time to try and reduce it but they should work with you to discuss this. From a purely practical point of view if its not something thats being reinforced at home its not going to work, plus your poor girl will get so confused over right and wrong which could cause her worry. I know that sounds abit OTT, but your her parents, this should be your decision!

SlB09 · 17/04/2017 22:40

Oh and another thumb sucker here that has normal teeth!

Original poster
Myloto1981 · 17/04/2017 22:41

Thanks SIB09, you've hit the nail on the head re my concerns.

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Seeingadistance · 17/04/2017 22:41

I sucked my thumb till I was 10. I did have a brace on my teeth for a couple of months when I was in my early teens but that was not related to the thumb sucking.

I'd have a word with the nursery. It sounds as if your DD is weaning herself off the thumb anyway, and if the nursery want to assist with that then giving her distracting activities would be a better and kinder way.

LindyHemming · 17/04/2017 22:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Myloto1981 · 17/04/2017 22:43

We've never thought about getting her to stop. We feel she will stop in her own time. She will do everything in her own time. She never wanted a dummy, she sucked her thumb from a tiny age. It makes her feel comforted. Her teeth are perfect, her speech is actually great. However I see the point about her peers picking up on it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Myloto1981 · 17/04/2017 22:45

They should have discussed this with us though surely. This is a private nursery attached to a private school, they have seemed great until recently. Boys have been spitting at her and pushing her too but that seems to be aimed at girls generally.

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 17/04/2017 22:46

Thing is they don't always stop "on their own time"

My brother was still going with his sucking habits til his teens.

He ended up requiring surgery which involved his jaw being wired

Far easier when they are smaller and will listen to adults and respond to bribery eye

GotToGetMyFingerOut · 17/04/2017 22:49

Myloto my four year old is the same his speech has been the most advanced from an early age out of all three of my children. Other two had dummys. Was at dentist last week who said he has lovely teeth. Dd at 2 the dentist knew she sucked a dummy because of the way her bite was.

He takes his thumb out to speak to people. Only sucks his thumb when tired or anxious to comfort himself. My sister in law says it's not something they are advised to do, deter thumb sucking. Just bring it up.

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