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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nursery telling child to stop sucking thumb

114 replies

Myloto1981 · 17/04/2017 22:25

My dd has it been keen to go to nursery for a couple of weeks (before easter holidays) even though she loved it before. She told me and her dad a few times this week that the teachers have told her she mustn't suck her thumb and they tell her off for doing so.

Dd is only 3, she takes a lot of comfort from sucking her thumb and I think they should have discussed this with us if they had an issue with it.

Aibu to have a word with head tomorrow? I'm not happy at all.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 18/04/2017 14:36

They were wrong for telling her off in such a way

Bear in mind that there is only a 3 year old's version of events :)

yorkshapudding · 18/04/2017 14:57

Boys have been spitting at her and pushing her too but that seems to be aimed at girls generally

I'd be more concerned about this than the thumb-sucking issue to be honest. I would have thought that being pushed and spat at is far more likely to be making her nervous about going to Nursery than being asked not to suck her thumb.

insancerre · 18/04/2017 15:09

I am a nursery manager and it would never occur to me that I need to seek the permission of a parent before I asked a child to take their fingers out of their mouth
It is very unhygienic and makes it difficult to hear what children are saying

Crowdblundering · 18/04/2017 15:42

I am 42 and I still suck my thumb - wish I had been stopped I hate my teeth Blush

ppeatfruit · 18/04/2017 16:01

It IS EA and unnecessary to try to stop it, it is natural and comforting for some dcs. My eldest has dead straight teeth and sucked her thumb till she was 7. Middle dd sucked her 2 middle fingers till she was 3yrs. old She also has straight beautiful teeth.

Youngest ds did not suck ANYTHING and had to have orthodontic treatment at age 13 for sticky out front teeth. The dentist said It's genetic.

Oh and the germ argument is crazy, the world is MADE of bacteria, how come us humans have survived all the years before anti bac. treatments I wonder?

Puppymouse · 18/04/2017 16:04

DD is encouraged not to use her little comforter at nursery. I would expect them to do things like this to help her mature and develop other coping strategies as she faces starting school next year. Don't have a problem with it.

Gileswithachainsaw · 18/04/2017 16:07

EA dramatic much Hmm

You realise actual surgery has been required to correct the results right?

I'm sure my brother much preferred not being able to eat solid food long a shed load of weight and baby g his jaw wired shut... just so no one would upset him..

Boulshired · 18/04/2017 16:07

DD has an overbite and has to wear block braces (like wearing two gum shields). The first question was thumb sucking. According to him its the amount of pressure and why it varies the damage done. She only did it in her sleep so was very hard to tackle.

insancerre · 18/04/2017 16:10

ppeatfruit
It's not so much germs as threadworms I am trying to prevent

I don't think it's crazy to try and prevent children getting threadworms

ppeatfruit · 18/04/2017 16:21

How are you going to stop it at school then?

Theyre not nice but are almost normal for kids aren't they? They don't die from them! Mine diidn't get them, it wasn't down to cleanliness, i never thought about them. Our GD got them but she's fine. She didn't suck her thumb !

ppeatfruit · 18/04/2017 16:25

Giles As a pp said the jury is out on what causes the sticky out teeth, it's probably genetic, as I said, ds had those teeth and did NOT suck a damn thing.

Gileswithachainsaw · 18/04/2017 16:27

You can reduce the risks like tying hair back to help reduce the risk of nits.

When noro spreads the last thing you want or need is to increase chances of getting it.

We have to do plenty of things that upset children in the name of preventing things or encouraging development of things and for their general well being.

Gileswithachainsaw · 18/04/2017 16:28

Lots of things are genetic doesn't mean you can't make them a shit load worse by choosing to he precious over preventing as many future problems as you can..

ppeatfruit · 18/04/2017 16:33

The advertisers LOVE to scare people with their ads for anti bacterial stuff. But strangely the over insistence on cleanliness is making people ill, children NEED some dirt to get immunity to other diseases. We are animals.

Fragglez · 18/04/2017 16:34

I've had a thought reading all this.

My dd is 5m and sucks her thumb. Friend's dc is 7m and has a dummy.

My dd chooses when to suck. Doesn't always do it when upset or sleepy, but it's up to her.

Friend's dc has dummy put in mouth when unsettled and had it since long before being able to put it to mouth themselves.

So friend's dc spends lots longer 'sucking' than my dd. I wonder if a) that is common across the board and b) if it means dd teeth are less likely to be affected than friend's dc's?

Gileswithachainsaw · 18/04/2017 16:36

You may need dirt.

Not sure you need Increased chances of painful surgery and braces though.

Fuzzipeg · 18/04/2017 16:45

Whether it damages your teeth or not, that's not the issue. The issue is finger sucking as a form of comfort. Both my dcs thumb and finger sucked when tired, unwell or upset and survived! The nursery should not be telling your child to stop without speaking to you first.

MyschoolMyrules · 18/04/2017 16:50

OP you do strike me as someone who will only listen to people who agree with you. Why do you post and ask the question if you only with people who agree with you?

ppeatfruit · 18/04/2017 16:55

Agree Fuzzipeg

To say your dcs can't suck their thumbs because they MIGHT need orthodontics (which as I and others have pointed out is definitely not the case every time) Is like saying you can't have the odd glass of red wine because you MIGHT become an alcoholic.

ToughItOut · 18/04/2017 16:57

I'm with the nursery. They wouldn't let a child walk round with a dummy stuck in their face at that age so why is this any different? if it was my child I'd be pleased they were reminding them not to keep sticking fingers in their mouth and subsequently getting their spit on everything they touch.

hockityponktas · 18/04/2017 16:58

Sorry I'm with the nursery on this.
It's very unhygienic and it can hinder interactions with others, participating in activities and communication.
The question would be, if she's doing it enough for that to be the case (so why the nursery staff have started to ask her to stop) is she self soothing because she's not settled there?

fuzzyfozzy · 18/04/2017 17:01

I ask children to take fingers and thumbs out, as it's grim.
There are enough germs without adding to them.
I'd have no problem with her sucking her thumb to go to sleep

ppeatfruit · 18/04/2017 17:02

Oh fgs it's a 'nursery', it's for babies, and they can't suck their dummies or thumbs. Shock Why not make them wear suits and take briefcases 'you can't get them ready for work soon enough Grin '.

Gileswithachainsaw · 18/04/2017 17:07

The kid is three. Too old for dummies and thumb sucking where it can start to affect speech and jaw development and teeth etc and stopping it or taking them away is advised..

Lumpylumperson · 18/04/2017 17:13

I think YABU.

Not only will she be getting germs in her mouth, more than that, she'll have her thumb in her mouth then be touching toys other children will touch.

It really is unhygienic and unpleasant for the other people, not just unhygienic for her.

Also some people don't grow out of it. I went to secondary school with a thumb sucker. Poor kid was always getting Hmm faces made at her by her peers.

I think it's positive that she's encouraged to stop as young as possible. Not told off or in an unpleasant way but a "don't put your thumb/fingers in your mouth" is fine. If my DC were thumb suckers I'd be up for encouragement to get them to stop.