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AIBU?

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Original poster

Nursery telling child to stop sucking thumb

114 replies

Myloto1981 · 17/04/2017 22:25

My dd has it been keen to go to nursery for a couple of weeks (before easter holidays) even though she loved it before. She told me and her dad a few times this week that the teachers have told her she mustn't suck her thumb and they tell her off for doing so.

Dd is only 3, she takes a lot of comfort from sucking her thumb and I think they should have discussed this with us if they had an issue with it.

Aibu to have a word with head tomorrow? I'm not happy at all.

OP posts:
Seeingadistance · 17/04/2017 22:50

I didn't respond to threats or bribery. I do think people stop in their own time. It just so happens that that can mean some stopping at 3 and some, although not so many, stopping at 23.

My mother used to paint bitter tasting stuff on my thumbs, and I used to tolerate the horrible taste, and suck it off as fast as I could. With hindsight, I don't know why I didn't just wash it off.

Summer23 · 17/04/2017 22:52

She's only 3, and she's learning (herself) not to do it all the time, only at night etc. It will only affect her teeth when her big teeth come in, so yes I would ask the nursery why they are telling her off. Might get a different story like they were trying to encourage her to join in with something else and she's taken it the wrong way. One of mine was a thumb sucker, the nursery never commented on it and I wouldn't expect them to have.

SlB09 · 17/04/2017 22:53

I'm not sure the,actual issue here is the thumb sucking part (although that seems to be a thread worthy subject) - I think its more the fact the nursery are modifying a behaviour - that isnt within general manners, good behaviour, life skills etc without discussion with the parents first.

Judgejudy1 · 17/04/2017 22:59

I'm actually with the nursery here - sorry OP, I do think your reaction is a little unreasonable.
Thumb sucking is a bad habit (bad for teeth, bad for hygiene, something to grow out of) and I think the nursery are only doing their job in trying to get your dd to stop. It's a shame that makes her not want to go to nursery, and obviously if they were shouting at her or telling her off about it I wouldn't support it. But it's not wrong to try and get a child to stop a bad habit.

Judgejudy1 · 17/04/2017 22:59

If your dd picked her nose a lot instead and the nursery had spoken to her about that, I presume you would support it? Personally I don't see the difference. Both bad habits that children need to learn at some point aren't really acceptable.

OffRoader · 17/04/2017 23:00

It depends when she's doing it. If she's meant to be singing/ speaking, then telling her to take her thumb out and join in isn't that unreasonable.

Sucking her thumb will have an impact on her interactions with other children, her ability to complete activities etc.

Cooking
Speaking and communication
Messy play
Cutting and sticking
Play dough etc, etc

All things that the adults are trying to engage the children in which are impossible to do with your thumb in your mouth.

Coughingchildren5 · 17/04/2017 23:00

It is really bad hygiene to put hands in mouths in a nursery environment. The staff will make a lot of effort to maintain good hygiene with hand washing, no nose picking, no touching shoes on the carpet, no hands in mouths etc. I don't think it has anything to do with the future shape of your little ones teeth, it's just a matter of germ control!

SoupDragon · 17/04/2017 23:00

I'm with the nursery.

I used to feel like you. The private orthodontic bills to correct thumbsucking damage have been horrendous.

thegreylady · 17/04/2017 23:01

My eight year old dgs is a thumb sucker. He was sucking his thumb in the 20 week scan! He has just, this holidays, become determined to stop. He has never been teased or punished for it and his teeth are fine. Your dd will give up in her own time and nursery are wrong.

SoupDragon · 17/04/2017 23:04

It's not just the teeth, it changes face shape and jaw lines. DSs orthodontist could tell I had been a thunbsucker just by looking at my face.

Of course, it's not just thumbsucking that causes the damage. Soft foods and not chewing properly, not swallowing properly, breathing through the mouth... there are lots of factors.

Foureyesarebetterthantwo · 17/04/2017 23:06

I sucked my thumb, needed a brace, so have both my children, both also need a brace though one is bad enough to warrant NHS treatment. If I knew what I know now, I would use a dummy and not even start down the thumb sucking route as it's proved very hard to break with both children and their teeth are very protruding as a result which doesn't make them very happy now.

Onecutefox · 17/04/2017 23:06

In my DS' class (y3) there is a boy who often scratches his bum hole (children see his hand goes inside his pants) and then he sucks on his thumb during the day. I wish the teachers would tell him off somehow if his parents can not do it. I have also seen children doing the scratching in the shops or parks and their parents don't even say a word.

bananafish · 17/04/2017 23:06

They definitely should discuss it with you, first. It would make me question their attitude. I would not be impressed.
Also, I sucked two of my fingers for many years (until I was in LV at least in secondary school) despite endless, distressing attempts to stop me.
I have excellent teeth (no braces needed) and none of my peers ever made me feel bad.
So don't listen to anyone who suggests that it is a given that she will end up friendless and with awful teeth if you don't immediately knock it on the head. She's 3 yrs old, fgs. I'm sure your instincts are sound.

StarUtopia · 17/04/2017 23:09

Hmm. As an ex thumb sucker myself (!) and the parent of a dummy sucking child..I would say this.

She doesn't need to suck her thumb at school. All children need to know what behaviour is needed in certain places.

My dummy sucking child manages fine without her dummy the entire time she is at preschool. Often runs for it as soon as she gets in though!

Nursery should be offering some other form of comfort however. So I would gently be asking how they are doing this. You need to support the nursery in her not doing it there (it really is pretty unhygienic) whilst ensuring the comforting of your child if/when she needs it.

Bleurghghghgh · 17/04/2017 23:09

Another one here to say my teeth are 'almost perfect' according to my dentist and I still sometimes suck my thumb for comfort.

One thing I would say if you do want her to stop is do it young, as my mum tried to stop me when I was 10+ which just made me resentful as by then I was only doing it at night so IMO none of her business any more.

Talk to nursery, find out why they're trying to stop her and decide whether you want to let her stop in her own time or nip it in the bus now, because as PP have said you need to all be on the same page

Original poster
Myloto1981 · 17/04/2017 23:09

Sorry for the update but it's actually finger sucking. So probably not as bad from an orthodontic point of view. I didn't want to say fingers to begin with as might be quite identifying especially as we were planking to speak to the nursery tomorrow. Sorry x

OP posts:
WorknameJimEllis · 17/04/2017 23:10

It's not just when the adult teeth come through though. The adult teeth follow the line of the baby teeth, if they are out of line then the adult teeth will be too. We have an ex thumb sucker, it really stalled her speech and we are waiting to see if her adult teeth are misaligned.

It might all be ok. But it might not.

GotToGetMyFingerOut · 17/04/2017 23:11

Soup dragon that only applies if the child is still sucking their thumb when the adult teeth come in. And it doesn't happen to everyone. It's a small minority. Spoke to dentist last week about it.

badhotfanny · 17/04/2017 23:12

I have a finger-sucker and a thumb-sucker. They aren't old enough to see long-term impact yet, but I feel as you do, OP.

Mostly because they tend to do it instinctively in bed, when asleep. If they jump in their sleep, fingers/thumb go in. I don't feel I want to force them to stop doing something that's so obviously comforting to each, and if they do it in their sleep, how can I stop that?

Our childminder told dd1 she'd have to stop sucking, when she was about 4. This really, really upset dd1 as she thought she had been really naughty Sad and I had to ask cm not to say that again.

lifesjoys · 17/04/2017 23:19

Maybe they should have discussed it with you first however, il be honest, thumb sucking is a bit Hmm

My month old currently likes to stick his thumb in his mouth & whilst it does look cute, I will not encourage or allow it.....I just swap it for a dummy! (Said dummy is used for when tired & is a temporary measure!).

Isadora2007 · 17/04/2017 23:20

I'm torn. I think it would have been nice for the staff to speak to you about the best way to try to deter the sucking. But I can't disagree with them wanting to encourage it to stop- it's not hygienic. In a nursery setting not only is she sucking the germs on her hands but also putting her saliva onto other objects in the room. It's a breeding ground for bugs as it is so I think all children should be being encouraged to not be sucking, licking, dribbling, scratching etc at that age.
She can work on another comforting activity that is more socially acceptable and clean...

Original poster
Myloto1981 · 17/04/2017 23:23

The nursery will hate my youngest then who attends the baby group Monday to Friday mornings. She dribbles like a tap and has done pretty much since birth. She's 18 months old and no signs of the dribble slowing down. Ah well.

OP posts:
TooFew · 17/04/2017 23:27

Not sure if these links will work or not but based on some of the incorrect information in these posts I thought is at least try.

From a dentist website - let's assume they're the processionals on this subject. They advise thumb sucking does not have an impact on teeth until aged 5.
www.123dentist.com/the-long-term-effects-of-thumb-sucking/

I tend to find this website has good guidance and it has some practical suggestions on discouraging thumb sucking when you're ready. www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/childrens-health/in-depth/thumb-sucking/art-20047038?pg=2

In my opinion yourself and your childs nursery should have a collaborative approach using the same techniques but prompted by you. However when you are ready to start discouraging thumb sucking it sounds like you have a nursery that will persistently support. Thats a good thing.

TooFew · 17/04/2017 23:30

To the points made about thumb sucking spreading more germs...unless your little toddlers have the ability to wipe their own noses, never sneeze, never lick anything ever, never dribble anywhere, and always cover their mouths when coughing then wash them afterwards..then I think stopping the odd thumb sucker isn't going to change the germ ridden world that is nursery!

Isadora2007 · 17/04/2017 23:41

Obviously an 18month old dribbling isn't akin to a 3 year old doing th same.
At 3 I would be expecting Children to be being taught about the importance of hygiene including covering for coughing or sneezing and washing hands after the loo. Not dribbling or spitting. Not fiddling down their pants. And not sucking their fingers nor picking noses etc.

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