Staying at in laws-AIBU?

[Snowflakes1122]

We are currently staying at in laws. Every morning without fail DH, FIL and the kids all get breakfast. DH and FIL get full on eggs, bacon the works etc and the kids whatever they want.
It's like I'm bloody invisible! I've been helping myself to some old cornflakes but they are all gone now. I don't even like them!

So this morning I've been sat watching everyone else eat lovely food and have coffees brought starving and 31 weeks pregnant. I wanted to cry!

I can't go into their kitchen and start making something as that offends MIL

AIBU to be pissed off, hormonal and upset? Why does she leave me out?

[FinallyHere]

Glad you got some breakfast.

Have you worked out what happened? There could be lots of different explanations. The weight of years of the patriarchy, where women claim that they 'can only manage a small piece of toast' or it could just be a mistake. I agree with everyone who can't imagine your DH tucking into a plate of breakfast without even noticing that you have not been offered anything. If there was a 'queue', surely he would pass his plate over to you. Or has he reset to childhood patterns and temporarily forgotten about you, his pregnant wife.

Do please find a way to speak up for your own needs, before its too late. If you can manage this with a light touch, maybe by looking at your DH so he remembers you, you can gently teach your MIL a useful life lesson in treating girls and boys as equals

Speaking from my own experience, it is possible to leave someone out by accident. I regularly have 'everyone back to my place' events after a local activity. I love doing this, always say please help yourselves as i ferry cups and coffee etc from the kitchen to the place everyone gathers. I am very busy at first and by the time I join the circle, everyone is usually ready for a top up.

My reward is the buss of conversation which is going by the time I can join in.

Only once has anyone ever made me feel bad about the arrangements. In the early days I came in with a jug of coffee, offering fillups. One person spoke up to say that he hadn't had a first cup so wasn't really eligible for seconds. Maybe he thought it was funny, but I was really embarrassed. I get hot again just thinking about it. Ever since, I made sure cups and mugs were set out in advance. Lots of people would say 'is there any ... ' if i had forgotten something, to this day i have no idea why he ...

Please speak up for yourself, or get DH to do it. Who was cooking? What did they say when DH helped you get eggs?

[ineedaholidaynow]

Have you stayed with them before? Did you get breakfast then?

[ohfourfoxache]

How can he just sit there whilst you go hungry?

There is no way I'd visit again, can you imagine how hard it will be if you BF?

[airyfairymary]

Elbows OP has said she is not welcome in MILs kitchen, so could not prepare her own breakfast. But more importantly why should she need to? Is she not a guest at PILs ffs?

I for one do believe this post, having been in a similar situation in the past.

[ineedaholidaynow]

Have you stayed with them before? Did you get breakfast then?

[Snowflakes1122]

Nothing was said when DH asked where are the eggs as I wanted food other than to give the location.

I'm not the kind to turn down good and say don't go to any fuss to the poster who suggested I probably do this!

[Snowflakes1122]

MIL is lovely but definitely has form for pandering to DH and FIL. I assume this is part of the reason.

[CaptainBrickbeard]

I believe it and can imagine the situation. It is relevant to feminism though the OP getting her own breakfast wouldn't set any feminists 'frothing' as a pp bizarrely stated. But I have encountered women who have got into the habit of suppressing their own appetites and desires for so many years that they have forgotten they have any and sometimes they assume other women are the same. So it might really not occur to them to make something like a cooked breakfast for a woman, especially a mum whom they might assume will be so busy tending to everyone else that she won't want anything for herself.

[dustarr73]

So every morning, they have all sat down and eaten without you.How many mornings are we talking about.And did you not say it to your dh the first time it happened.

I think MNers live in a paraell universe,there's no way anybody is that wet.

[DaemonPantalaemon]

there's no way anybody is that wet

Quite. I have a hard time believing the story as presented by the OP. Not troll hunting but suspect she is the kind to make a big deal out of very little !! She sounds like a total drama queen :) :)

[Gallavich]

But how did your husband not notice in the first place?!

[witsender]

Does she cook for herself? Or is she just cooking for the men?

[SuperPug]

This is crazy. She may have a (skewed) reason behind this but I cannot believe how rude all of them are. I'd say something now, directly, to all of them.

[ohtheholidays]

Oh for fuck sake,stop starting on the OP,I don't know what's wrong with this place sometimes. It's like some people on here go "Oh I know there's a woman who's pregnant feeling ill and being treated like shit by her DH's family,let's kick her whilst she's down"!

OP your DH needs a good kick up the fucking arse as well as your inlaws!Please don't defend him,you are his wife and your carrying his child(that makes it so much worse)does he think all of a sudden when your pregnant and providing for another human being along side yourself that you no longer need food,does he FUCK!

I bet if you were staying at your parents that you'd never let your husband go without food and he wouldn't be carrying your child in his body at the time neither.

They've all acted like a bunch of arseholes,I hope this is the only shitty thing they've ever done and that they never act so shit ever again and I hope you start feeling better soon.

[MollyHuaCha]

This has happened to me before (not at MIL's home). I think some older people assume women don't eat cooked breakfast. At the time I was too shy to comment. But now the older and wiser me would say, 'Excuse me, is there any chance of you preparing an extra breakfast for me please. I'd be happy to help prepare it with you'.

[LolaTheDarkdestroyer]

This is funny, sorry but you've basically sat there sobbing in your cornflakes while everyone else eats like kings.. ffs you should have just said wtf where's mine? It's all a bit strange.

[HarrietSchulenberg]

Are you always this wet, OP? Stop making such a drama and just hold out your hand for your plateful like the rest of them.
FFS.

[BertrandRussell]

I'm still not understanding why the OP's husband didn't do anything about it.

[EweAreHere]

Really poor way to treat one's DIL and mother of your grandchildren.

Wow.

I can't believe you've just sat there until today and said nothing?! And how could your DH not notice that his pregnant wife, partner in life, mother of his children, wasn't being offered food morning after morning!

I don't think much of your MIL. There is not excuse.

[DangerousBeanz]

I can believe this. I'm a fussy eater, I admit it. The time we went up to stay with MIL was just after FIL had passed away, so the circumstances were more awkward, plates of sandwiches were provided and fruit cake. Everything was meat and buttered, they even buttered the blooming fruit cake. I loathe butter, it makes me sick. As a result I didn't eat a thing for the whole 4 day stay. I didn't want to make a fuss when everyone was upset. No one noticed. on the way home I had DH stop at the first burger joint we passed and I ate like a horse, at that point DH realised I'd not eaten and was mortified. He's never let it happen again, he packs bags of Beanz friendly snacks whenever we go anywhere and books a meal out everyday we stay away.

[OutToGetYou]

My ex's family were like this, it was like women weren't supposed to eat. He went out for breakfast once with his brothers in law and left me behind at his sister's house, where there was no food. I was furious but he couldn't see any issue. And of course none of them wanted any lunch either (still no food in the house for me to get anything) we only had the one car with us and he'd taken it and the house was very remote. The sister had gone off horse riding.
He's an ex. His family are all twats.