Staying at in laws-AIBU?

[Snowflakes1122]

We are currently staying at in laws. Every morning without fail DH, FIL and the kids all get breakfast. DH and FIL get full on eggs, bacon the works etc and the kids whatever they want.
It's like I'm bloody invisible! I've been helping myself to some old cornflakes but they are all gone now. I don't even like them!

So this morning I've been sat watching everyone else eat lovely food and have coffees brought starving and 31 weeks pregnant. I wanted to cry!

I can't go into their kitchen and start making something as that offends MIL

AIBU to be pissed off, hormonal and upset? Why does she leave me out?

[OverthinkingSpartacus]

Ah, I realize I didn't express this clearly enough: I meant that if you want to go NC and you want the DC to be NC too then you need the consent of the other parent. Obviously if you are happy for DC to have contact with their GPs without you being present then you do not need to have this discussion. (I imagine it would make things awkward with the DC though - how would you explain?)

I see what you mean, I guess it would be hard to insist your children don't see a set of grandparent if one parent doesn't think their behaviour is as bad as it is.

It's really hard to explain the situation with my own father, Im still only realising how bad he was,nit sounds fucked up, but his death has made the scales fall from my eyes as he's not around to guilt me or tell me I remember things wrong if that makes sense? My own subconscious kept dd away from him, he would try to force kisses on her and manipulate and guilt her into kissing him and he didn't like it when I told him no, i so wish I was strong enough to challenge my Dad when he was alive but dh understood why I couldn't as it had been normalised for me, most contact was over phone so keeping dd away wasn't difficult, I'd say she was at a party or summat in the days I did visit or he came here, and that she was in bed when he called,.

It was never voiced between dh and I that I'd limit dds contact with my Dad, but I'd only phone when she was in bed, or plan trips when I knew dh was taking her somewhere, at the time, they'd email or write letters mostly, which I checked before giving dd. I didn't realise I was doing it, but honestly had dh didn't want dd visiting him because he didn't my dad doing same to her as he's done to me, I think I'd have agreed. Dads been dead five years now and I'm still having "how could a parent say/do a,b or c" when I remember something about childhood and dh looks horrified when I tell him what I've remembered.

With Dhs mam, there were times I didn't want dd around her as she'd be steaming pissed, so while dd wasn't ever actually made to go no contact with her Gran it was controlled when she did see her, and we both agreed mil would not ever be used for childcare under any circumstances, if I was a sober day and I was taking dd with me, I just told her daddy has work to do,, or daddy is going to do the shopping whike were out and will see his mum another time. It wasn't awkward and dd just accepted it really. She'd older and fully understand now.

dhs siblings leave their older DC with her most weekends and school holidays. It's more that worry about her and want to be there in case she hurts herself, rather than spend time with her, dd is 12 now and in theory would be fine with her, but I'm not putting her in a position where she has to be responsible for the wellbeing of an adult.

I do get why you feel you can't go NC and I apologise if I sounded like a cunt yesterday, I realised after posting I was telling you it's a simple as just not going, but then I realised I didn't do it with own father when I really really should have so I'm hardly one to talk.

[ChaiTeaTaiChi]

Obviously if you are happy for DC to have contact with their GPs without you being present then you do not need to have this discussion.

Of course you still need a discussion! Who would just "go NC" with their partners family without discussing it with their partner, and children? That would be crazy.

[GivenupontheGarden]

I'm not sure this is something to go NC over? Going NC is usually a very last resort to remove one self from a very awful long term situation.

OP has said her mil is 'lovely', in which case I think she just needs to be more assertive. If she's indeed lovely in all other areas except making OP breakfast why not just deal with that specific?

[KatherinaMinola]

Obviously if you are happy for DC to have contact with their GPs without you being present then you do not need to have this discussion.

"Of course you still need a discussion! Who would just "go NC" with their partners family without discussing it with their partner, and children? That would be crazy."

Chai, if you read my posts above you'll see that I'm talking specifically about why you might (or might not) need your DP's "consent" to go NC - and that's what the "discussion" refers to. Of course you will talk to your DP about it, but you won't need the "consent" discussion (which you would need if you are asking people other than yourself to go NC).

No worries, Overthinking - I only came on to this thread to explain from my experience how hard it is to deal with a toxic relative or in-law, because I thought people were being hard on the OP (who does seem to have disappeared... ).

[GaelicSiog]

My ex in laws used to do something similar. I got tiny, tiny portions like you would give to a toddler. Turned out ex MIL thought I needed to lose weight :( she's still a miserable cow.