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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Staying at in laws-AIBU?

280 replies

Snowflakes1122 · 17/04/2017 09:33

We are currently staying at in laws. Every morning without fail DH, FIL and the kids all get breakfast. DH and FIL get full on eggs, bacon the works etc and the kids whatever they want.
It's like I'm bloody invisible! I've been helping myself to some old cornflakes but they are all gone now. I don't even like them!

So this morning I've been sat watching everyone else eat lovely food and have coffees brought starving and 31 weeks pregnant. I wanted to cry!

I can't go into their kitchen and start making something as that offends MIL

AIBU to be pissed off, hormonal and upset? Why does she leave me out? Confused

OP posts:
Nannyplumupthebum · 18/04/2017 18:48

She's a heavily pregnant woman out of her comfort zone in a house where she isn't allowed to use the kitchen & ignored by her MIL who is offering everyone else food.

You're all heart on MN today. Doesn't anyone else remember feeling exhausted at 31 weeks?

wizzywig · 18/04/2017 18:50

Be careful op. You may also be the only person who hears the baby cry or can smell a pooey nappy.

Karenthetoadwhisperer · 18/04/2017 18:52

I get it. I don't like asking for things and I always got left out at the in laws (but so did our DCs). We even had to sit in a different room to the rest of the family. When we tried to join in, we got told to go back into the other room. As a consequence, we simply stopped visiting them and exH had to go on his own. Have not seen them in maybe ten years now and they only live an hour's drive away.

ArriettyClock1 · 18/04/2017 19:16

This scenario is so ludicrous, I can only assume the OP is in fact, invisible. Or her husband's imaginary wife.

Winemamma · 18/04/2017 19:18

Wow I am shocked that anyone would just starve and not say anything!! I would be so hangry, pregnant or not. Also would be v annoyed with DH for being so ignorant. However it is up to you op to speak up. You don't need to be confrontational, just ask for some proper food for goodness sake!

NotOneThingButAnother · 18/04/2017 19:22

10 pages and no explanation of the DH's attitude? Is he a complete arsehole, or does he just not like his wife very much?

2017SoFarSoGood · 18/04/2017 19:48

We were invited to a holiday dinner with IL's and FIL carefully put us - me, DH and DC - at a small table apart from everyone else, and proceeded to address every single person at the grown up table for several minutes, ignoring us completely. This carried on for the entire evening.

I did not actually carry out the imagined stabbing with the very handy sharp knife. We also did not return for 7 years.

KatherinaMinola · 18/04/2017 19:55

I can believe this, unfortunately. On Easter Day MIL made individual puddings - in individual little ramekins - for everyone except... me. I've also been in 2017SoFar's situation with PIL.

Unfortunately it isn't easy to go NC with in-laws, because you do generally need the consent of your DP.

2rebecca · 18/04/2017 20:01

I can't imagine my husband having a cooked breakfast whilst I ate nothing, or checking what I was eating. It seems bizarre behaviour from everyone.
I probably would have loudly piped up "where is my breakfast please?" and make it clear that cooking for only some of your guests is strange.

2rebecca · 18/04/2017 20:04

Agree that if the OP didn't appear until after breakfast had been served that might explain it. If you're staying with people and want breakfast you have to get up at their breakfast time or fend for yourself. Cold congealed cooked breakfast is worse than no cooked breakfast and it isn't a hotel.
She did say she watched everyone else eat food so it sounds as though this wasn't the case though

MissBeehiving · 18/04/2017 20:21

I'm still trying to get past the DH packs"Beanz friendly snacks". Dear Lord - how do people get through life.

Lovelymess · 18/04/2017 20:37

Sit down at the table and say "mmm yummy I'm starving" how weird of them. I would have thought carrying their grandchild would have made them want to fill you up even more!?

ChaiTeaTaiChi · 18/04/2017 20:39

You're all heart on MN today. Doesn't anyone else remember feeling exhausted at 31 weeks?

I don't remember losing my ability to speak, or needing to be fed like a pet?

LagunaBubbles · 18/04/2017 20:43

So you couldn't even say a jokey "where's mine then?" That's normal. Saying nothing, not so much. Hmm

LagunaBubbles · 18/04/2017 20:45

I remember how exhausted I was when I was pregnant well.....funnily enough though I could still speak!

Strygil · 18/04/2017 21:30

This reply has been deleted

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PandasRock · 18/04/2017 21:54

I can believe it.

I've had some weird treatment from various inlaws over food.

My SIL once hosted H and me for dinner, not long after we'd started seeing each other. I'd met SIL a couple of times before, all seemed fine.

At dinner, (me, H, SIL and BIL only, so not a huge deal), I got served half the meal - SIL hadn't cooked enough rice, so my portion was non existent, rather than everyone having a bit less, and I got given the smallest meat portion, as 'I know you're not keen on meat, Pandas' - no idea where she got that idea.

Then pudding. SIL announces that she went to the shops specially to get a particular pudding as it is so good. Only the shop only had 3 (individual tartlets). Again, instead of dividing them up in normal sane manner, SIL dishes out to her, BIL and H, with a chirpy 'you won't want one, Pandas, as you never eat much'. Again, no idea where she got that one from, as I'm not a delicate eater!

Utterly bizarre behaviour, but dealt out with such confidence that I found myself being polite and going along with it. I even apologised when she found me snaffling some toast later on (I was starving) and mumbled something about 'erm, well, I was hungrier than I realised' (wtf? Not as though I even had a chance to eat food earlier!)

Karenthetoadwhisperer · 18/04/2017 22:24

Why would anyone need the consent of their partner to go n/c with the in laws? Confused

ChaiTeaTaiChi · 18/04/2017 22:31

Why would anyone need the consent of their partner to go n/c with the in laws?

Why would anyone sane "go NC" with their inlaws a) without a very serious discussion with their partner and some agreement on how to do so or b) over fucking breakfast?
Hmm

ChaiTeaTaiChi · 18/04/2017 22:31

ps, "going no contact" is another overused wanky MN phrase that should be discouraged.

Rachel0Greep · 18/04/2017 22:51

I'm still trying to get past the DH packs"Beanz friendly snacks". Dear Lord - how do people get through life.

+1.

BertrandRussell · 18/04/2017 23:42

When I'm world dictator, using the term "going nc" will be a capital offence. Unless it is part of a proper, serious psychological history.
E

Isadorabubble · 18/04/2017 23:58

There must be a reason! If you haven't said anything maybe she assumes you don't want anything...
If they're 'lovely people' maybe it's a big misunderstanding.

Floggingmolly · 19/04/2017 00:03

Why would anyone suggest going nc with someone with whom the sole problem arose through not opening your fucking mouth in the first place??

BadLad · 19/04/2017 00:09

I scrolled down wondering if there was an explanation for why the husband hadn't said anything. It's beyond bizarre that he ate and didn't sort you out.

The only explanation I can think of is that the OP is actually dead, like Bruce Willis in The Sixth Sense.