Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To cancel easter dinner for emotional DD? *senstive subject*

299 replies

WobbleEaster · 16/04/2017 10:32

We were supposed to be having a big easter roast with some friends today. House has been decorated,dinner is all ready for later but DD has had a break down.

Dd was abused by a family friend for a long time before we found out and since then she's been understandably,unstable. This morning she's been very confused,she wants this person to join us for dinner and at the same time she hates him.

Of course I told her that there is no way we will be having him over and that she is safe now and this caused her to kick off. She's cried,hurt herself,told me she hates him but at the same time misses him,there's so much on her mind but she won't talk to me about how she feels.

At the moment she's on a waiting list for counselling but during school holidays,when she has a lot more free time she completely breaks downSad.

Aibu to tell everyone we can't host dinner tonight because of this or is that too extreme?

OP posts:
Original poster
WobbleEaster · 17/04/2017 20:14

I'm staying over night with her,I need to go home and get a few things but I'll wait until she's fallen asleep before I go . Thank you so much xx

OP posts:
MamaHanji · 17/04/2017 20:33

If she's struggling with the urge to self harm, give her an elastic band to wear on her wrist and she can ping it to release some of the urge.

Self harm for me was a way of having control and also of releasing some of the awful feelings. I always felt worse after I did it, but the elastic band trick really helped me.

I'm so so sorry this is happening to you and especially your DD. I hope her CAMHS referral gets sorted as soon as possible.

Flowers
Original poster
WobbleEaster · 17/04/2017 20:35

Thank you x I'll ask for an elastic band as she's been sat here for agaves picking at her skin until it bleeds Sad

OP posts:
Catherinebee85 · 17/04/2017 20:47

[https://www.amazon.co.uk/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Suicidal-Adolescents/dp/1593853831]

I can't personally recommend this book but its as good as the ones for adults it might be worth a look.

[https://www.amazon.co.uk/d/Books/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/1572245131/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_img_2?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=112KET3FP0BFSH17ZTAF]

Again, I've used this book with adult patients but never adolescents as that's not my client group.

Maybe worth asking whoever comes to properly assess your DD

MamaHanji · 17/04/2017 20:51

It will hurt and she can end up with a welt on her wrist but it is virtually non harmful and is definitely the lesser of 2 evils x

joystir59 · 17/04/2017 20:51

You cannot have a family meal with this great big dreadful elephant in the room- tell all of the family what has happened. At the moment your DD is carrying the can for it because nobody knows- the family dynamic needs to change .

Original poster
WobbleEaster · 17/04/2017 20:53

Thank you ,I will ask tomorrow about books.

joystir we didn't end up having the meal ,it was with friends,not family which is why I haven't told them yet

OP posts:
Hercules12 · 17/04/2017 20:54

I hope you get some sleep tonight, op. Good luck for tomorrow.

WomblingThree · 17/04/2017 20:56

It's great that the ambulance got there so quickly and then you got straight in to see the psych. Hopefully your DD feels safer now.

Original poster
WobbleEaster · 17/04/2017 20:59

Thank you both.

She was in such a state earlier before I called the ambulance,we are so lucky to live less then 10mins away from the hospital and to be treated so well

OP posts:
havingabadhairday · 17/04/2017 21:09

I'll second the elastic band idea, it works.

A good online resource is pandys.org, it is US focussed but a lot of useful info there.

Another useful site is www.oneinfour.org.uk

And it may have been mentioned, but for support for you there is mosac.org.uk

Original poster
WobbleEaster · 17/04/2017 21:18

Thank you x

OP posts:
PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 17/04/2017 21:21

Sorry your DD is going through this? Any idea how long you'll be in hospital for? Hopefully you grabbed enough stuff for a few days stay?

Your DD has probably got worse over the last 2 months as she is finally physically free of the abuse so her mind is mentally trying to process it all.
How long had it been going on for? Why did it all come out? Obviously the longer it was going on for then the longer it'll take to heal mentally?
Did she come and tell you or was it caught by someone? As the healing process for each might be different (as in, if she told you about it then she had got to breaking point of it, if the abuse was discovered then she might not even yet be ready for the healing to begin)

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 17/04/2017 21:21

Not sure why there is a question mark after my first sentence. Sorry Flowers

CheerfulMuddler · 17/04/2017 21:31

No advice, just wanted to say that you sound brilliant, and I think your DD is lucky to have you as her mum. Flowers

KourtneyKardashian · 17/04/2017 21:40

You did the right thing getting an ambulance Wobble, don't doubt yourself. She may be annoyed at you but you definitely did the right thing, she's in the right place now. Stay strong.

wheresthel1ght · 17/04/2017 21:58

sending huge hugs Wobble and for your DD - hopefully things will progress faster with CAMHS now that she has been seen in hospital.

Stay strong!!

Original poster
WobbleEaster · 17/04/2017 22:06

Thank you all x I am truly touched by the kindness of strangers.

Dd let it all out to me after coming home from meeting her friends. They met up with a group of boys and she just didn't feel right,all her friends are boy obsessed and she felt so out of place that day,she came home and burst into tears. She said she can remember the first incident happening when she was 5,this person is someone who has been in our life a long time and has seen Dd grow up,just goes to show the people we think we can trust can turn out to be complete monsters

OP posts:
FairytalesAreBullshit · 17/04/2017 22:07

I've send the email, really hope it helps.

Original poster
WobbleEaster · 17/04/2017 22:09

I've pm'ed you and emailed back x I can't thank you enough

OP posts:
FairytalesAreBullshit · 17/04/2017 22:11

I know it's not ideal, but I fear she'll associate negative stuff with them and assume what they think. So having them avoid the house is probably best for now.

Poor girl and poor you, im so sorry. What a living nightmare. Sad

FlowersFlowersFlowers

FairytalesAreBullshit · 17/04/2017 22:12

Sorry use the app so not see it.

Darbs76 · 17/04/2017 22:28

No advice either but just wanted to say you've 100% done the right thing and it might not feel like it now but your Dd will thank you in the long run. It's so so hard someone you both trusted betraying her and you in such an awful way. He doesn't realise the distress he has caused. Hopefully one day via counselling she will feel stronger and be able to speak to the police again - there's no time limit on prosecuting him so no rush. Right not the main thing is getting your dd some treatment and you're in the right place for that x

DeadGood · 17/04/2017 22:31

Flowers OP, you sound amazing. You are both going through so much. I hope things start to improve now xx

Misty9 · 17/04/2017 23:07

Your poor dd op. I work in CAMHS and our protocol is to immediately prioritise anyone seen in hospital for suicidal ideation. I hope your CAMHS works the same way. We don't always have the staff capacity to see someone straight away sadly but they are supported by the crisis team in the meantime at least. Good luck, it'll be a long journey but your dd has you and that's priceless Flowers

Swipe left for the next trending thread