To cancel easter dinner for emotional DD? *senstive subject*

[WobbleEaster]

We were supposed to be having a big easter roast with some friends today. House has been decorated,dinner is all ready for later but DD has had a break down.

Dd was abused by a family friend for a long time before we found out and since then she's been understandably,unstable. This morning she's been very confused,she wants this person to join us for dinner and at the same time she hates him.

Of course I told her that there is no way we will be having him over and that she is safe now and this caused her to kick off. She's cried,hurt herself,told me she hates him but at the same time misses him,there's so much on her mind but she won't talk to me about how she feels.

At the moment she's on a waiting list for counselling but during school holidays,when she has a lot more free time she completely breaks down.

Aibu to tell everyone we can't host dinner tonight because of this or is that too extreme?

Thank you all. Hopefully today will go well with camhs. It's such a relief to be finally getting help for Dd

I hope today goes well Wobble, will be thinking of you x

Hi, folks

We do like to advise all our members to be aware that not everyone on t'internet is who they say they are, and that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

OP, we're sending strength and love your way.

Thank you and I 100% agree with the above post. Not too sure if I've put too much identifying information up

Hoping today is a better day for you.
My dd is under camhs having some intensive work, I will say they are difficult to get an initial appointment with (took 3 referrals here) but once she had met them and started her therapy they have been very on the ball and are very good.

Thank you , camhs saw her and after 15 minutes it's been decided that she would benefit most from the camhs ptsd treatment service at maudsley hospital. We've also now got a plan in place incase of another crisis. I am so relived Dd will be starting treatment,thank you all so much.

That's so great she has the referral now. I really really hope she gets the treatment she needs. Your poor daughter. Take care of yourself too OP. It must be heartbreaking to see your baby hurting. My situation was completely different. I had very bad depression and bipolar (chemical) through my teen years, and my mum looking after me and keeping me safe and missing work, it really took a lot out of her. Lean on anyone that you can trust and are close to.

Lots of flowers to you and your daughter

Good news about referral, well done.

Very pleased to hear about the referral. Please also take care of yourself in all this too.

Pleased she is getting help now.

house has been decorated - what - why - misses point -

So sorry you and your daughter are going through this.

With regards to her anger, instead of her taking it out on herself, I.e the self harming, how would she feel about one of those boxing bags and gloves to help release some anger? You could set it up in the garden for her to go and use whenever she feels and burst of anger.

Do you have any pets? Animals can be extremely comforting when you don't want to deal with people but need a friend that will listen and not talk back.

Really pleased to hear referral appointment went well. Please get support for yourself as well, as others have said. I work in this area and have been told by families over the years that while of course it isn't possible to forget what has happened they can put it in the past and move forward and have good lives. Kids can and do overcome this stuff with the right support from their families and others.

So glad that CAMHS have seen her, made the referral and she's going to have treatment. Really hope it helps her get through this.

If you can't for any reason have pets, then maybe getting your DD some "worry dolls" might help - I know technically they're for younger children, but the principle is still the same and it might help her to have them. blog.shamansmarket.com/the-legend-of-the-worry-dolls/

Thank you all. We're using an elastic band as a coping mechanism. someone also mentioned under 18s can get something called a rainbow journal free to help with self harm so I'll look into that.
We haven't got any pets (rented property) ,sometimes she used to help at the local equestrian centre for free rides but at the moment she just wants to stay at home.
Love the worry doll idea,we can even have a go at making them together.

Thank you all so much.

If anyone knows of any useful books and resources please let me know. I've got her a little fidget toy so far and will look into night lights as she's been struggling to sleep in the dark

As she's 15 she is presumably also under a lot of stress and pressure at school with GCSEs looming. Poor thing.

Hi OP I posted earlier under a different name (frequent namechanger!)

I'm not sure if anybody has said it to her, but it may be good to remind her.

She is feeling horrible, BUT that is entirely normal and she's normal. What was done to her wasn't ok and her feelings are a response to those things ONLY, not a reflection of anything being wrong with her. She's having normal reactions to something not normal. There is absolutely nothing wrong with her - it would be abnormal if she didn't feel awful about what he did. The badness is what he did to her, a child, the badness isn't her.

And there are people who will help with the bad feelings, because it's not ok she has to go through them too.

It may be impossible for her to believe any of that and that's ok, but not a bad idea to remind her sometimes.

And also that you're so proud of her for telling you, she's been so brave.

She can always take her gcse's a year later if she needs.

I'm always reminding her how brave she is x just need to remind her more that how she feels is normal.

She's in year 10 so won't be taking her actual gcse exams until next year

You can tell her that when my DD was attending CAMHS it seemed like we would "bump into" half the young people we knew in town. Going to CAMHS is pretty "normal", and no one will know "why" you are there - and there are lots and lots of reasons - and being there does make you appreciate how under pressure the services are (as it is hard to get seen).

Do contact the charities and get support for both yourself and your DD.
Oh and get the Samaritans phone number - that is another useful one to keep by the phone (or she can email them too).
Animals can help, as can exercise, healthy eating etc. And watching crap TV.

Wobble, I'm just dropping this in here for precautionary reasons - there is a show out at the moment called "13 Reasons Why": I hope your DD hasn't seen it and I hope she doesn't get to see it, although obviously it would be a bad idea to TELL her not to watch it (contrary teen stuff) - but just keep an eye out. It's not a good thing for her to see or know about at the moment.

Thank you mummytime that will really reassure her. I've made a list of numbers like the samaritans for her and called a few charities.

thumb she had some friends over last week and they were raving about that,they asked to use my Netflix account to watch a film in the living room . I've just googled it,I had no idea the series is about suicide .

She's halfway through the second episode,not sure how muh triggering things there are in the beginning but there's no way I'm letting her finish.