To be annoyed at the childish way DH speaks about sex/sexual acts

[Pinkandwhite]

I really dislike the way my DH talks about sex. He'll say things like 'any chance of a handie/blowie?' And 'I want to give you a rodgering'. He thinks it's amusing/totally reasonable but I find it immature and a turn off. AIBU?

or "Would you like to take a ride with me in my brand new SHAG-SHAG-SHAGUUUAAAR."

Him: "Cummy cummy nice?"

^^ that's awful!

My ex used to ask if I was in the moody for some 'rumpety pumpety' [boak]

Piglet, I'm disappointed. Surely you have some saucy plumbing terms you could use.

Plunge the clunge wins the thread

I'm so glad that me and DP don't 'ask' for sex. We have a system which has never really been talked about but totally understood from day 1. If i go to bed naked, he knows it's on. If I'm wearing my Pjs, he won't even try. He's up for it most of the time but on the rare occasion he will wear his boxers to bed, then I get the hint. Sex is fantastic and neither of us get let down by getting rejected after 'asking'.

However, I have heard some pretty gross things up until this point......

How about a spit roast? One up the bum and one in the gums.

Bumping uglies really makes me cringe

Oh and an ex boyfriend once told me that he dumped his previous gf cause he said "it was like sticking my dick in a bucket of slugs" and "fucking her was like throwing a stick down the channel tunnel"
He did have a very small Willy though so he was possibly saying that cause she said some equally unpleasant things about him!

I've never been with anyone who has asked, it's also been sort of obvious if it's going to happen or not.

I consider myself fortunate considering how very many fucking weird blokes are clearly out there!

It really depends what of mood we are in after 40 years together, it could be 'fancy a shag/quickie' yes we also 'make love' which is long slow and languorous, candles, aromatherapy oil, 'shag' rugs and cushion on the floor in front of the fire - mainly in the winter. An outdoor shower is always one that is one that provokes are you up for 'outdoor games'!

I really don't care what it's called, we can laugh at whatever the other decides to say, it just great that we have a healthy sex life in our 60's and I get really turned on still and DH never fails to make me come, so I'm happy and have a smile on my face.

I will definitely be using "plunge the clunge", that's amazing lol
Naked dancing and "hey! You wanna plunge me clunge?"

Crying ! Love this post! 'Mary' & 'Captain Winky" nearly finished me off! DH will sometimes refer to 'A good seeing to' but he does it tongue in cheek.

'Make love' is a total turn off

We tend to go a bit more tongue in cheek sometimes "fancy a jump" (think that started after watching Rita, Sue and Bob too), or the rather more sophisticated "wanna fool around" after most Americans on the telly in the 70's

I'm very direct. Will you fuck me later, please? Though we don't tend to ask with words.

After the event, though... My bf refers to is as 'plonking'. Did you enjoy your plonking last night? I gave you a good plonking.

No. No, you really didn't. You fucked me beautifully. I pull him up on it every time. He does it more, to wind me up.

Plonking though... Jesus.

I'm amazed at the amount of people who can speak afterwards...

Worra Cummy Cummy Nice??????????!

Some of these made me cringe but Im a bit uncouth about it myself. Let's bang I will sometimes say, let's be naked, naked cuddle, fuck me now, put your dick in me (that's probably the one that makes us laugh) etc. I try to say them in an alluring way. He doesn't tend to refer to anything except fucking or being naked. I hate hate 'cock and pussy' so much I cannot use them I don't know why

Do you like to flick your prawn? A lovely question I have actually been asked IRL.

We shag, fuck, or have sex.

DH was much more politer when we first got together. I got him out of that.

Nothing quite like a MN thread to remind me how sheltered my life has been! DH used to be a "make love" feathery-stroker type. I've mostly trained it out of him now. It's just a good thing I'm already pregnant with DC3 & probably won't want any more - after reading this it's going to be years before I stop cringing enough to let anyone touch me!

Felt I had to share this for cringe . I was telling a friend about this thread and she told me an ex of hers used to sing the song from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang as 'titty titty bang bang, titty titty bang bang I'd love to'

At least you don't get told to 'act like a slut' in the middle of having sex.

Oh god I sometimes ask my dh if he wants to shnoogle which could mean sex or just a nice kiss and cuddle. Half the stuff we say to each other in private would make me cringe if anyone else heard it.

Right, next time he says anything else like that, grab a handy balloon you prepared earlier and pop it. Extra points if you write his choice of words on it first. Look him in the eye and raise your brows. Unless you're into balloon popping then, erm...I have nothing else to offer.

Oh God. I have been referred to as a 'sexy beast' before which I really hate. I am really not very rampant not with my back.
Back to your issue;
No that is unacceptable and very childish.
Most men know nothing about sex and if they do, they are mad or bad.
In my experience that is.

'any chance of a handie/blowie?'

Maybe you should ask him to say 'any chance you could masturbate me/fellate me'.

Gah, those words just give me the creeps typing them!

@ToEarlyForDecorations

You really need to end the peadofear before it takes over you life.

OP - rogering, handie and blowie are all big turns off for me but so is make love. Yesterday, I said to DH, something along the lines of "quickie before DC2 gets back from the shops?". Sex doesn't have to be all romantic and amazing. Sometimes a bit of dirty talk works. Sometimes it is a quickie before lunch and very lacking in foreplay. Unless you actually tell him what phrases and words you like or dislike, you're unreasonable to complain about him here.

KookieDoll: it's all humour and virility, makes me think of Captain Flasheart

My earlier allusion was to Harry Flashman, who "rogered" his way across several continents. Interestingly enough, on the sadly missed IMDb boards, when discussing who would make a good Flashie (not Malcolm McDowell), the also sadly missed Rick Mayall as Lord Flasheart was frequently mentioned. So was Dominic West who recently turned up as Flashman at an auction of George McDonald Fraser's papers.

I know this has got nothing to do with the OP's post, but a friend and myself have spent hours thinking of ideal casts for our favourite books - yes, I know we should get a life. However, Harry Flashman is very hard to think of just the right actor, but he's such a wonderful character in well written books.