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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is this woman in my car!

532 replies

NameSame · 15/04/2017 19:51

Hello everyone.
Just curious as to wether I'm a hormonal grumpy little shit or if this cowbag is BU?
I pick OH up from work daily. (Not too far, would take about thirty to forty mins to walk, but unsociable hours, and grotty weather up north plus me liking to make sure he's home earlier rather than later so he doesn't wake us all up, I mean that it seems the easiest option!) anyway, he has a colleague who lives about half way home, but requires us to drive just shy of a mile round the back of our village iyswm. She has asked DP for lifts home a number of times, to which he replies "I've got to ask DP as I don't have a car at the moment and she's picking me up!" He then pootles out and asks if it is o.k to which I always reply yes as we are going almost past. (2-3 minute detour) absolutely fine.
But her attitude legitimately stinks this is where I think she's being U:

I have to park about five minutes away and I then walk up to dps work, where I wait. We then all walk down to the car. where this woman just barges past me doesn't say hello or even acknowledge me. Sits in the front seat of my car, (DP always drives as he actually enjoys it, and I do it out of necessity) leaving me in the 3rd row (VW transporter with car seats for DNs and goddaughter in middle!) AND DOESN'T SAY THANKS WHEN SHE LEAVES
She blatantly ignores me when I say Hi/bye personX, spends the whole time nattering to dp, who regularly tries to include me but he can barely get a word in tbh. And she knows it's my car, and my petrol etc.*

So I guess my AIBUs are:
Am I BU to feel grumpy?
Is she BU to ignore me?
Would I be U to give her one more chance and then tell DP to tell her to walk?

Cheers

OP posts:
Figglesticks · 18/04/2017 10:29

Good grief who asks for a lift rather than being offered and then carries on insisting/forcing yourself on someone several times after being told no!!! My reaction would have been telling you to enjoy your night and not to worry about me as there are buses!!

PigletJohn · 18/04/2017 10:41

It's possible she has previously alienated the other potential lift-givers.

Willow2017 · 18/04/2017 10:45

Well done Namesame, she tried and tried but she got the point in the end.

Do not feel guilty she is an adult she can get herself home, she has plenty options.

Do not offer her a lift again, she will not change her behaviour and you will be allowing her to treat you and dp like dirt. If your dp tells her you will not be giving her a lift again and she asks why then he has to tell her its because she is incredibly rude to you and he is not tolerating it any longer.

Whoknowswhocares · 18/04/2017 10:59

Eh? She would rather tag along on a 16 mile round trip with people who obviously aren't wanting her there, than take a 15 minute walk or call a cab/family member for a quick lift home if she was worried about walking?
Whatever her motive, given her choice of significant inconvenience and time wasted to herself, I find it hard to believe she simply wants a lift home. Last nights response gives more traction to the fancying OH motive to my mind.

HappyFlappy · 18/04/2017 12:16

Dahlia

Grin
HappyFlappy · 18/04/2017 12:20

Name

I love a happy ending!

redjoker · 18/04/2017 13:25

Wow day made reading this, 'You go girl!' (or something less cringeworthy)

Closedenv · 18/04/2017 14:26

Sounds like possibly every other option has been used up if she was practically begging even though you were going in opposite direction and stopping for food! She probably treats family and the taxi drivers that way too so all have refused to be treated like that anymore. Well Done OP!

Lochan · 18/04/2017 14:50

There's a thread about manners just now, this is a perfect example of why teaching your children nice manners is so important.

If this woman had politely climbed in the back, spoken nicely to Name and occasionally given her a box of chocolates or a bottle of wine she'd have been quite happy to continue giving her a lift.

happypoobum · 18/04/2017 16:33

Well done OP!

I can't believe she said she would "tag along" - I mean who does that? She basically invited herself out with you and DH so you had to tell her no.

She is very strange indeed.

Keep saying no!! And drive straight past her next time, she will never know if you saw her or not.

hollyisalovelyname · 18/04/2017 16:50

What a weird woman.
Does she actually work with your dp and if so, is she regarded as strange at work?
Why does your dp allow her to be so rude to you?

Cleanermaidcook · 18/04/2017 18:47

Yay, well done op i've been lurking here for days seeing what happened
if you give in and give her a lift when it's raining though she'll soon start taking advantage again, i'd leave her to it, she's a grown woman with plenty other transport options. x

Unhurried · 18/04/2017 19:00

I've waited all day to get the final instalment.
Well done lady for sticking to your decision.
Under no circumstances give this rude cow a lift at any future date.
I actually feel very proud of you my Catholic friend.

Hissy · 18/04/2017 19:20

The ONLY reason you should ever give her a lift is to entertain us here...

Which of course is plenty incentive, but grudgingly not necessarily in your best interests

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 18/04/2017 19:42

Hissy is quite right. And Mumsnetters are very polite.

Please, OP, will you come back and entertain us some more? Here's some Wine and Cake to say Thank You. Easter Grin

KittyKat73 · 18/04/2017 20:25

Ah brilliant! and you are exactly right you are not responsible for an adult woman who is more than capable of either walking, phoning a taxi, getting a bus or phoning her parents/ partner.

She needs to learn she is not dependent on you! i am mortified that she thought it was ok to invite herself so you guys could get some food! No shame

Fairysnuff321 · 18/04/2017 23:08

Go you namesame xxx

CouldntMakeThisShitUp · 18/04/2017 23:43

anything happen tonight?

TheTabardOfDoom · 19/04/2017 07:53

Hell I would love to work a fifteen minute walk away! I would be so fit!

JDEE72 · 19/04/2017 11:43

Nooo! It's not going past page 4! I need to know what happened!

JDEE72 · 19/04/2017 11:44

It's ok, adding a comment has made it work. Phew! Off to find out the latest. I hope you put her right, sounds like she's after your DP.

shabbyshibby · 20/04/2017 15:37

I was going to say that she sounds a bit lonely & desperate but you say she has a dp! Very strange behaviour on her part

brickinitIam · 20/04/2017 15:47

However, watch out for her stalking your dh's movements now that she knows he took a different route to avoid her.
If she does, soon as she starts tagging along just tell her straight 'FUCK OFF!

If she's like that out of work, what the hell is she like in work?
I bet she sits with him at breaktimes, lunchtimes and all that. She's the type that would. If there's a spare seat next to your OH, she will take it.'

This would bother me.
You might be able to keep tabs on things out of work, but what about all those hours you're not around to see what's happening with them? Hmm
The woman sounds obsessed with your DH.

I would be keeping a very close eye on this situation.
It's not what you see, it's what you don't see.

hollyisalovelyname · 21/04/2017 10:44

OP it's not normal behaviour.
Be wary- both you and your dp.

Realjournal123 · 22/04/2017 11:06

Think differently! Perhaps she may be autistic, which may be the reasons why she acts this way. I've been told that sufferers exhibit mad manners, no spacial awareness, can manage conversation with one person at a time and have no idea how to be socially aware.
Try talking to her and looking her straight into her eyes and if she doesn't meet your gaze then id be a bit more understanding with her. She may be undiagnosed.