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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is this woman in my car!

532 replies

NameSame · 15/04/2017 19:51

Hello everyone.
Just curious as to wether I'm a hormonal grumpy little shit or if this cowbag is BU?
I pick OH up from work daily. (Not too far, would take about thirty to forty mins to walk, but unsociable hours, and grotty weather up north plus me liking to make sure he's home earlier rather than later so he doesn't wake us all up, I mean that it seems the easiest option!) anyway, he has a colleague who lives about half way home, but requires us to drive just shy of a mile round the back of our village iyswm. She has asked DP for lifts home a number of times, to which he replies "I've got to ask DP as I don't have a car at the moment and she's picking me up!" He then pootles out and asks if it is o.k to which I always reply yes as we are going almost past. (2-3 minute detour) absolutely fine.
But her attitude legitimately stinks this is where I think she's being U:

I have to park about five minutes away and I then walk up to dps work, where I wait. We then all walk down to the car. where this woman just barges past me doesn't say hello or even acknowledge me. Sits in the front seat of my car, (DP always drives as he actually enjoys it, and I do it out of necessity) leaving me in the 3rd row (VW transporter with car seats for DNs and goddaughter in middle!) AND DOESN'T SAY THANKS WHEN SHE LEAVES
She blatantly ignores me when I say Hi/bye personX, spends the whole time nattering to dp, who regularly tries to include me but he can barely get a word in tbh. And she knows it's my car, and my petrol etc.*

So I guess my AIBUs are:
Am I BU to feel grumpy?
Is she BU to ignore me?
Would I be U to give her one more chance and then tell DP to tell her to walk?

Cheers

OP posts:
CouldntMakeThisShitUp · 18/04/2017 01:28

Though next time - don't slow down when you see her. keep on driving.

However, watch out for her stalking your dh's movements now that she knows he took a different route to avoid her.
If she does, soon as she starts tagging along just tell her straight 'FUCK OFF!'

Adarajames · 18/04/2017 01:29

Thank heavens for you finding some gumption op, can never fathom why the hell people put up with being treated so badly! About time you put your foot down (even if it is number of rides -1 later than you should've done it!)

2017SoFarSoGood · 18/04/2017 01:41

Congratulations you, backbone, dry blouse and all. Really good job. Star

She is a one - more front than the riviera methinks.

Stick to your guns and enjoy your time together without hitchhiker/interloper Grin

Insomnibrat · 18/04/2017 01:49

Its clear this woman is a knob of the highest order, but are you on a UK timezone?

Something just doesn't feel quite right about driving past her alone at midnight and her potentially having to walk 40 mins home alone at that time, in the dark*

*still not defending her behaviour.

emmyrose2000 · 18/04/2017 02:00

OP, do you know how this woman gets to and from work when you aren't chauffeuring her?

EvilDoctorBallerinaDuck · 18/04/2017 03:10

Well done! Star

HappenedForAReisling · 18/04/2017 05:27

I agree with monty

If she's persistent, you're going to run out of excuses pretty soon. You need to have your "once and for all" answer ready in your head.

Keep practicing it in the mirror until it becomes natural to say . Or "fuck off" might do.

LindyHemming · 18/04/2017 06:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

piefacedClique · 18/04/2017 06:49

🙌🏻👏🏻

MontyPythonsFlyingFuck · 18/04/2017 06:52

Looking at the OP, insomnibrat (or insomnia rat, as my autocorrect wants it to be), Ms Rude lives a 15-20min walk from work. Not that I'm obsessed or anything...

Original poster
NameSame · 18/04/2017 07:11

insomnibrat
I totally get you, that was one of my reasons for driving her, because obviously I don't worry about the second coming of the yorkshire ripper even though I'm a rational late twenty something woman but she's only about a fifteen minute walk anyway, they have access to a taxi phone at work where the company they're working for gets concessionary rates, it's about 3 minutes to a bus stop (last bus at 01:30 first at 4:30). And tonight I got DP at 1015.

The three things I keep telling myself:

I don't have an assumed responsibility over some random DP works with, let alone someone who disrespects me.

She is actually a big girl. She's in her thirties, she lives child free with her DP, and her parents. All of whom drive.

Tonight DP and I were going to get food anyway, and our village is totallly shut by 8 so the only place we could get food is 8 or so miles the other way. Monday is his early night, as you've seen he's on unsocial hours, and we don't actually see that much of eachother.
I am within my rights to get supper with DP so we can chat and catch up about our days.

i will admit however, I'll find it hard to say no when she's walking home very late, the weather is awful, or if she's looking tired or she gets a cold
But. If she bucks up her ideas and gets back in her box I might take her ocassionally
And if I believed she was in danger, I'd not leave her. catholic guilt would riddle me

But maybe I do need to speak to her, saying we don't tolerate disrespect and that I won't be ignored in my own car.

OP posts:
Payitforward55 · 18/04/2017 07:41

Very well done Name! I really do not think you should occasionally give her a lift. She needs to arrange her own transport to and from work. Strange that not one other person from work agreed to drive her home either.
You have done your bit and were taken advantage of.
If she says anything to DH he should nicely tell her she should make permanent arrangements and not depend on you guys.

Jaynebxl · 18/04/2017 07:45

Well done OP. She clearly has lots of safe options for getting home and has no need to rely on you.

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 18/04/2017 07:52

Love last night's update!

Did she at any point even say please?

genna1310 · 18/04/2017 08:04

Sorry but no more lifts for her! Have bit of manners! B walk now!

StiickEmUp · 18/04/2017 08:48

Wondering how is went x

StiickEmUp · 18/04/2017 08:51

Oops cross post! Well done OP 👍🏼

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 18/04/2017 08:55

If I were reliant on a lift from someone, I'd be so polite they would have no reason not to take me!

YouTheCat · 18/04/2017 09:08

So her walk home is 15 minutes and there are people who live with her who drive and there's a bus service?

She has some cheek!

I have a colleague who sometimes gives me a lift in the morning as she drives the same way as I walk but it is totally a 'only if you're passing and can stop' kind of arrangement. Plus I am grateful and I buy her the occasional bottle of wine as a thanks.

metalmum15 · 18/04/2017 09:16

Sounds like she has umpteen ways of getting home and still prefers to put you out. Possibly her parents and dp have already refused to pick her up at such late hours.

Maybe next time you speak to her suggest she gets some driving lessons?

metalmum15 · 18/04/2017 09:16

Sounds like she has umpteen ways of getting home and still prefers to put you out. Possibly her parents and dp have already refused to pick her up at such late hours.

Maybe next time you speak to her suggest she gets some driving lessons?

ohfourfoxache · 18/04/2017 09:16

Absolutely brilliant, well done!

Inertia · 18/04/2017 09:25

So she has 3 other lift options as well as potentially lifts from other colleagues, plus public transport options, plus concessionary taxi rates, yet she still wants to banish you to the back of your own car for an extended chat with your husband?

He needs to be the one to say to her that it won't be possible to give her lifts anymore , so she needs to make other arrangements from now on. And no, you shouldn't feel guilty.

theymademejoin · 18/04/2017 09:34

Well done. Very well handled - polite but firm.

AddictedtoSnickers · 18/04/2017 10:26

So if none of her own family are bothered about her walking home alone after work, then I don't see how it's your problem OP. You were kind to offer the lifts but she didn't return the kindness with sufficient gratitude or politeness so that's that. End of. Flatten the back row of seats as a visual statement to her.