Or is this woman in my car!

[NameSame]

Hello everyone.
Just curious as to wether I'm a hormonal grumpy little shit or if this cowbag is BU?
I pick OH up from work daily. (Not too far, would take about thirty to forty mins to walk, but unsociable hours, and grotty weather up north plus me liking to make sure he's home earlier rather than later so he doesn't wake us all up, I mean that it seems the easiest option!) anyway, he has a colleague who lives about half way home, but requires us to drive just shy of a mile round the back of our village iyswm. She has asked DP for lifts home a number of times, to which he replies "I've got to ask DP as I don't have a car at the moment and she's picking me up!" He then pootles out and asks if it is o.k to which I always reply yes as we are going almost past. (2-3 minute detour) absolutely fine.
But her attitude legitimately stinks this is where I think she's being U:

I have to park about five minutes away and I then walk up to dps work, where I wait. We then all walk down to the car. where this woman just barges past me doesn't say hello or even acknowledge me. Sits in the front seat of my car, (DP always drives as he actually enjoys it, and I do it out of necessity) leaving me in the 3rd row (VW transporter with car seats for DNs and goddaughter in middle!) AND DOESN'T SAY THANKS WHEN SHE LEAVES
She blatantly ignores me when I say Hi/bye personX, spends the whole time nattering to dp, who regularly tries to include me but he can barely get a word in tbh. And she knows it's my car, and my petrol etc.*

So I guess my AIBUs are:
Am I BU to feel grumpy?
Is she BU to ignore me?
Would I be U to give her one more chance and then tell DP to tell her to walk?

Cheers

Coming in late here, but I am glad the OP has kind of sorted it.

DH - and I - have had (in the past,) a multitude of people taking the piss, expecting lifts, displaying an entitled-to attitude, never offering money, not being arsed to speak unless they wanted a lift. Put up with it for years. We stopped tolerating it about 15 years ago. No more. Never again.

I have also had women lording it over me, chatting to my husband (whilst ignoring me,) and it didn't help that he was chatty with them. He was friendly, but women would occasionally see it as him fancying them, and they would act all girlie and flirty around him, whilst throwing me filthy looks. If I got annoyed, DH would say 'I love it when you're jealous.' (He hasn't done it for years thankfully, but he did used to like the attention from the women.)

Very fucking annoying, and very upsetting. Oddly, he never liked it when men chatted to me.

You have every right to be angry and fucked off OP. And your husband is in the wrong for not telling this cunt of a woman to do one.

OwlOfBrown the Easter bunny wasn't up before the kids were here. 4.20am!!!!!!

NameSame if she is on here and recognizes it is indeed her terrible behavous that this thread refers to, she will obviously:

Call hello from 20 yards away - Helllloooooo NameSame
Thank you (in advance) profusely in many ways before getting into the rear seat You are so very sweet. So Kind. Such a lovely thing to do. How marvelous of you.
Say "You can drop me here thank you so much" before the turnoff taking you out of your way"
Profer large (magically produced from back) bunch of flowers, bottle of expensive wine and Hotel Chocolates.

I'd perhaps print this thread out and give it to her to read while she gets her last ride home tonight.

Thanks everyone! I'm starting to hope she will try again tonight! I mean I would definitely be within my rights to do all manner of the things PPs have suggested. Wouldn't I?

Name I would be worried about this for a few reasons. Mainly they are acting like a couple right in front of you.This is a red flag and what you have witnessed is only a small snapshot of their relationship. I would be very worried about how they are at work if they are acting like a couple in front of you.

She has, by her actions made it very clear she considers you a third wheel. And your husband has allowed it.It seems to me that if your husband really objected he could have several things like people have suggested, not going straight home, you driving instead, telling her to get in the back.

Most of us have had the experience of someone freezing out a third person, it's really not that hard to correct and it can be done subtly without any confrontation. I'm astounded he has let her treat you like this.

And we are definitely on the same team here

No you're not. Because he keeps enabling this woman and her horrible behaviour. You don't know this woman, you have no relationship with her whatsoever. You owe her nothing.He puts you in an uncomfortable situation by asking you to give her lifts when he knows you don't want to.

Why don't you just tell him that you're not giving her lifts anymore so he's not to ask you again. It's really that simple.How he deals with telling her theres no more lifts really isn't your problem. It's not your responsibility to deal with his unpleasant colleague or save him from an awkward conversation. He's had absolutely no consideration for your feelings here.

Ask him why he has prioritized her feelings over yours. Ask him why he keeps putting you in this unacceptable position.

Totally get the catholic thing, nothing like being brought up with a permanent sense of misplaced guilt to skew how you you appropriately deal with pisstakers!

That catholic guilts a bitch!

rogue we are on it. I'm the driver now, and DP did always try to talk to me and include me but we are victims of wet flannel syndrome!

time and Rufus really glad that you too are familiar with the Catholic guilt and that it's not something I totally fabricated 😂😂

Nope not made up

In my case i may mouth off or say what i think

But then i go home and agonise about it

Ooh another lift tonight...how exciting...shamelessly waiting

and and good luck OP and don't forget to update!!!

.

I don't understand you getting out of the car and walking up to them in the dark. I would have stayed in the car and got them to walk to me then see what would happen. Would your dp be put in the back row?

Good for you for standing up to her. Her behaviour was totally out of order. It would be rude of her to refuse to acknowledge a colleague's partner when spending time together even if you weren't doing her a favour. It's even worse when you were going out of your way for her every day. TBH your husband shouldn't have put up with this and should've put his foot down. I am not saying he has done anything wrong but I think she might be pushing the boundaries and trying to stake a claim on him and he is oblivious. Why else would she be so openly dismissive and disrespectful to his wife? We had a similar issue with a house guest who I felt was being overly familiar with my husband and passive aggressive to me, he couldn't see it at all because she didn't explicitly make a move but women can sometimes be more subtle about these things than men. Certainly don't feel bad about enforcing boundaries, YANBU!

ooh another lift tonight! let us know how you get on FX she at the very least says thank you!!

Is it rude to just log in and wait for an update?

Not at all Fairy

Pull up a chair. Popcorn?

Also shamelessly waiting for the next instalment. 🍷

Here you are Dahlia. Not sure if you prefer white or red, so have a bottle of each.

I was wondering if she could have a hearing problem but even that doesn't explain her rudeness - I think I agree with everyone else - she's rude & after your husband!

She has already had a second chance and more.

I am surprised you have put up with such rudeness for so long.

You have done enough.

Shamelessly placemarking.

Looking forward to tonight's update!

Arrives late but with popcorn for the whole of mn. Op once was enough you too kind, but well done for last night. Cant wait till tonight... 🚌