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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is this woman in my car!

532 replies

NameSame · 15/04/2017 19:51

Hello everyone.
Just curious as to wether I'm a hormonal grumpy little shit or if this cowbag is BU?
I pick OH up from work daily. (Not too far, would take about thirty to forty mins to walk, but unsociable hours, and grotty weather up north plus me liking to make sure he's home earlier rather than later so he doesn't wake us all up, I mean that it seems the easiest option!) anyway, he has a colleague who lives about half way home, but requires us to drive just shy of a mile round the back of our village iyswm. She has asked DP for lifts home a number of times, to which he replies "I've got to ask DP as I don't have a car at the moment and she's picking me up!" He then pootles out and asks if it is o.k to which I always reply yes as we are going almost past. (2-3 minute detour) absolutely fine.
But her attitude legitimately stinks this is where I think she's being U:

I have to park about five minutes away and I then walk up to dps work, where I wait. We then all walk down to the car. where this woman just barges past me doesn't say hello or even acknowledge me. Sits in the front seat of my car, (DP always drives as he actually enjoys it, and I do it out of necessity) leaving me in the 3rd row (VW transporter with car seats for DNs and goddaughter in middle!) AND DOESN'T SAY THANKS WHEN SHE LEAVES
She blatantly ignores me when I say Hi/bye personX, spends the whole time nattering to dp, who regularly tries to include me but he can barely get a word in tbh. And she knows it's my car, and my petrol etc.*

So I guess my AIBUs are:
Am I BU to feel grumpy?
Is she BU to ignore me?
Would I be U to give her one more chance and then tell DP to tell her to walk?

Cheers

OP posts:
CauliflowerSqueeze · 15/04/2017 20:04

Do not take that heifer in your car ever again.

badabing36 · 15/04/2017 20:05

yaDnbu

I like helpimitchy's suggestion. In reality I'd probably just tut resentfully though.

ijustwannadance · 15/04/2017 20:07

The problem is you didn't nip it in the bud the first time it happened. Does she fancy your DP as she so desperately needs to sit by him/only talk to him? Confused

IhatchedaSnorlax · 15/04/2017 20:08

YABU to give her another chance - tell her absolutely no way to another lift & the reason why. She's a cheeky mare!

badabing36 · 15/04/2017 20:08

Also I agree with pps saying thank you an insane amount of times and offering petrol money is the only way to get a lift properly.

Is she from another culture that does social niceties differently?

Or is she just a cow?

badabing36 · 15/04/2017 20:09

Hmmm... thought that too ijustwannadance

IloveBanff · 15/04/2017 20:10

Unbelievably and unacceptably rude. Surely even people who have chauffeurs - who they pay well - aren't that sodding rude! It's disgraceful behaviour which she should be pulled up on.

SquinkiesRule · 15/04/2017 20:12

Is Dh at work this evening?
I'm waiting to see what she has to say for herself

HumphreyCobblers · 15/04/2017 20:13

I would make sure that I drove.

Misstic · 15/04/2017 20:14

Might there be more to her relationship with your DP. Her behaviour smacks of a sense of entitlement. Something does not sit quite right with her behaviour. She feels able and justified in behaving that way towards you and taking your position in the front seat.

Seeingadistance · 15/04/2017 20:14

How rude!

MoveOnTheCards · 15/04/2017 20:14

How bloody rude! Next time just say no.

Although it would be interesting to see how she reacts if you're already waiting in the passenger seat when she's expecting to park her miserable arse there.

Original poster
NameSame · 15/04/2017 20:15

i think you might be right about her fancying DPBlush, however I am not particularly worried about anything in that respect. He's pretty devoted.
DP and I are both 3rd generation (at least) British but come from European catholic families and I think that's a lot of the guest is always right etc. Be the host, be kind whatever etc etc.
She's not from any abscure culture, she lives next door to the house she was born in!

OP posts:
Fuxfurforall · 15/04/2017 20:16

Let her walk

honeyroar · 15/04/2017 20:16

Wouldn't it be good if you had the confidence to let her come one more time, let her barge past you without a hello, and when you got to the car and she tried to get in the front say "right, I'm sick of this. You don't say hello, you barge me out of my seat without a word, and you don't say thank you. So I think you should walk. Today and every other day. Bye bye." Then shut the door and stare ahead!

Mildred007 · 15/04/2017 20:17

YANBU. She is. Rude and ungrateful.
Let her walk from now on. I particularly hate the fact that you end up sitting in the back of your own car!

I like your idea of meeting them in the car next time - make sure you're sat in the front already or you drive. If she doesn't say thank you then loudly say "You're welcome" when she gets out of the car and tell OH that you won't be giving her lifts anymore.

MoveOnTheCards · 15/04/2017 20:18

Oh honeyroar has a great approach!

Mildred007 · 15/04/2017 20:19

I also like what honeyroar said, however I would never have the guts to do this myself.

Serialweightwatcher · 15/04/2017 20:19

I wouldn't give her a lift ever again - wouldn't after first time to be honest ... bloody rude cow. As for sitting in the front seat, I'd have asked her to go in the back ... don't be too nice a person when someone doesn't deserve it - act like she does and tell her to make other arrangements. If you feel uncomfortable, for the next couple of times say you're not going straight home/it's not convenient and you'll let her know when it is again never Flowers

Chippednailvarnishing · 15/04/2017 20:20

Sit in the driver's seat, when she gets near start cleaning your windscreen and accidently soak her.
She won't ask again.

Evil laugh

expatinscotland · 15/04/2017 20:20

Why the fuck are you letting her in the car again at all? You're both wet girl's blouses. First time she did it should have been the last. Really don't get why your partner cannot tell her NO.

ImNegan · 15/04/2017 20:21

Pick your dh up, wait for her to come down for her lift, then drive off, at speed, whilst laughing maniacally at her whilst giving her the finger. Head off into the distance and leave her

This - one billion times. I love this.

YANBU

SomethingBorrowed · 15/04/2017 20:22

YANBU, and good plan.
If for some reason she finds her way to the front seat, just ask her "I will sit there, sorry" and wait for her to move. If she doesn't acknowledge you or finds an excuse not to move, just say "well as it is my car I get to choose my seat" (optional laugh to make it less uncomfortable), don't physically move, ie stand there waiting for her to move.

honeylulu · 15/04/2017 20:23

Good God. Leave the rude cunt to walk!

Nocabbageinmyeye · 15/04/2017 20:23

She is very rude. I am a bit shocked though that your dp didn't say something the first time she sat in the front seat, even lightheartedly "Given its her car we're getting a lift in I think you should swop seats and get in the back", he is allowing her to be rude to you, I mean I know your an adult and can stand up for yourself but in this situation I would have expected my dp to call her out on her behaviour as it happened

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