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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friend is a tight arse???

575 replies

FataliePorkman · 15/04/2017 18:20

Just been out for lunch with three friends and our DCs- the children all had the same (lunchboxes with a carton drink and then a small crispy cake) but us adults ate/drank varying amounts. Two of the friends are a couple and the other is single like me. Let's call her Joan.

3/4 of us shared a bottle and extra glass of wine and 2 soft drinks. Joan didn't drink as she lives further away from the pub than us so was driving.
We all had a starter and a main course and then we got a chessboard to share between us- but only me and the couple had some. Joan had 3 DC with her, I have 3 DC and the couple have 1 DC.

Anyway the bill came and friend from the couple suggested we split the bill 3 ways equally. I was fine with this, as were the couple. Joan refused and said she would only pay for what her and her DC had.

Awkward tension followed- Joan paid for her meal and her DC while me and my other two friends split the bill.

AIBU to think she is a bit tight??

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
MrsMeeseeks · 15/04/2017 18:32

There were four adults eating, but the bill was split 3 ways?

#jesuisjoan

passingcloud · 15/04/2017 18:32

Understand the couple have fewer DC - but that's not going to make much of a dent on an adult three course meal with booze.

originalbiglymavis · 15/04/2017 18:32

As a veggie, I've spent years subsidising steak eaters with my bowl of pasta meal.

I've never been bothered enough to refuse my cut but been pissed off when one guy (he was very well off) and his bloody awful stuck up cowbag of a wife (even richer) would order the most expensive things on the menu (then bitch about it) and chuck back expensive cocktails like water. And insist in the dearest wine to show off (even though they had the palate of Homer Simpson).

mineallmine · 15/04/2017 18:32

Agree with pp. Why the hell should the bill be split 3 ways and not 4?? Drives me mad when couples do this.

No Joan is not a tight arse. She's also not a mug.

Therealslimshady1 · 15/04/2017 18:33

OP= Joan

DayGlo · 15/04/2017 18:33

I'm generally lets just split the bill equally' person, as hate gaffing about calculating and it feels petty. But in this case, I think Joan is right.

You drank a bottle and a half of wine and had a cheeseboard. I wouldn't have even suggested she contribute towards that - cheeky!

I have dinner fairly regularly with a group of friends, roughly half of whom don't drink alcohol. The other half of the group love a few bevvies. We always split the food bill equally, but keep a separate drinks bill for the boozers. Its a pisstake to expect non-drinkers to contribute.

reallybadidea · 15/04/2017 18:33

Why on earth would you split it three ways when there were 4 adults?!

It was awkward because the other three of you allowed it to be so. The polite thing to do would have been to graciously divide the bill into what you had all eaten rather than make a point of splitting the remaining bill to make Joan look bad.

Winifredgoose · 15/04/2017 18:33

I think it was rude of couple to suggest splitting the bill, when one adult wasn't drinking and didn't have dessert. Poor Joan. She may have budgeted for the meal, and chosen her food accordingly.

buttfacedmiscreant · 15/04/2017 18:34

IME
2 starters + 2 main courses +2/3 bottle of wine + 2/3 cheeseboard (what the couple had)

does not equal

1 starter + 1 main + 3 child meals

and certainly doesn't equal

1 starter + 1 main + 1/3 bottle of wine + 1/3 cheeseboard + 3 child meals.

(and this doesn't include the extra soft drinks and glass of wine that I didn't include which makes it further imbalanced)

Think Joan is sensible.

JennyWoodentop · 15/04/2017 18:34

Countless threads on here about the person who just has the main course and no alcohol subsidizing everyone else's starters, desserts, steak, lobster and alcohol. I'm with Joan on this.

I'm almost always driving when I go out for group meals, so don't drink. I usually agree to split the bill if it doesn't make much difference but most times people agree on separate bills if there's a big discrepancy. Agreeing how to pay before the meal avoids arguments and resentment.

JigglyTuff · 15/04/2017 18:34

Why would you split the bill three ways?

Shakirasma · 15/04/2017 18:34

YABU, and having previously been the mug in this situation but without the confidence to object, well done to Joan for refusing to split 3ways.

MakeItRain · 15/04/2017 18:35

I'm with Joan too! Why should the couple count as 1 adult? The kids' meals were probably the cheapest things on the menu. She was being asked to subsidise the couple's meals, and pay a third of the wine and cheese which she never had. That was maybe a tenner extra. Some people just don't have an extra tenner to chuck into the pot towards other people's food.

RuggerHug · 15/04/2017 18:35

Reverse I cry, and TEAM JOAN! Even when bills are being split evenly between groups with my mates drink is ALWAYS only between drinkers and counted separately.

badhotfanny · 15/04/2017 18:35

Team Joan here too.

buttfacedmiscreant · 15/04/2017 18:36

there never should have been an awkward silence, there should have been a "sure, ok, let's pay for our own", preferably the couple or the other single should have said "let's pay for our own as Joan didn't have the cheese or wine" right up front.

NapQueen · 15/04/2017 18:36

#TeamJoan

booellesmum · 15/04/2017 18:36

This is one of the reasons I no longer go out for meals with a certain group of friends.
I would have 2 courses and a coke.
They would have 3 courses and loads of alcohol and then want to split the bill.
I couldn't afford to do that so no longer go.

passingcloud · 15/04/2017 18:36

I think being a good friend means noticing when one of your mates has had substantially less / hasn't had the wine and when the bill arrives, immediately saying "oh you should pay less as you weren't drinking" etc

Bantanddec · 15/04/2017 18:37

OP has disappeared Hmm probably gone to scounge free food and drinks from her mates!

passingcloud · 15/04/2017 18:37

Pre-empt any awkwardness for them

ImNegan · 15/04/2017 18:39

She was neither unreasonable nor a tight arse. I don't see why she should have to pay for what she didn't eat especially as the alcohol and cheese board were probably the most costly items in the overall total.

Grilledaubergines · 15/04/2017 18:39

You got the most from it OP. So you're probably not in a position to make calls be being tight.

Bill splitting is the ruination of a good meal though.

haveacupoftea · 15/04/2017 18:39

So OP are you going to come back and admit to being a) greedy and thoughtless or b) Joan

ZilphasHatpin · 15/04/2017 18:39

Joan paid for her meal and her DC

She paid for everything her and her DC consumed. That is not tight. You expecting her to cover some of your food/drink is tight.

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