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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friend is a tight arse???

575 replies

FataliePorkman · 15/04/2017 18:20

Just been out for lunch with three friends and our DCs- the children all had the same (lunchboxes with a carton drink and then a small crispy cake) but us adults ate/drank varying amounts. Two of the friends are a couple and the other is single like me. Let's call her Joan.

3/4 of us shared a bottle and extra glass of wine and 2 soft drinks. Joan didn't drink as she lives further away from the pub than us so was driving.
We all had a starter and a main course and then we got a chessboard to share between us- but only me and the couple had some. Joan had 3 DC with her, I have 3 DC and the couple have 1 DC.

Anyway the bill came and friend from the couple suggested we split the bill 3 ways equally. I was fine with this, as were the couple. Joan refused and said she would only pay for what her and her DC had.

Awkward tension followed- Joan paid for her meal and her DC while me and my other two friends split the bill.

AIBU to think she is a bit tight??

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
RufusTheRenegadeReindeer · 17/04/2017 10:51

Agree with dust

Team sharon all the way

Grin

Jesuis sharon (if i had the balls)

CheddarIsNotTheOnlyCheese · 17/04/2017 11:03

Sharon you are my hero. Can I ask? Since your foot putting down episode does your cousin still organise these events and just not invite you or have they ground to a halt?

BadLad · 17/04/2017 11:11

Not saying that is why badlad has an issue with it but i have seen the above responses in friends

It's the opposite with me. I feel that if you go to a restaurant (not a snack bar or pub) then there's an expectation that you're going to order a certain amount, and it's a bit rude not to. The one time I was eating out with someone who just ordered a plate of plain rice (a side) and tap water, I actually ordered more, to make up.

SailAwayWithMeHoney · 17/04/2017 11:16

Why is it up to you how much people eat while they're out with you Confused

I'm one of those people that might not eat much, I'm vegetarian and not everywhere caters to what I can actually eat, I don't like rice so usually I'm ordered a side portion of chips (chips are always a safe bet! Everywhere sells chips) so it strikes me as really weird that someone would order more food to make up for the fact that I might not order much.

Tinkerbec · 17/04/2017 11:16

"Err, that's for the waitress"

That is shocking. So many self absorbed. Unaware of others people.

I would hate to think that any people I go out for dinner with would have subsidised me.

RufusTheRenegadeReindeer · 17/04/2017 11:17

Oh yes i see what you mean badlad

The restaurant has the expectation of the customer buying a decent amount

No i agree with you there i think

CheddarIsNotTheOnlyCheese · 17/04/2017 11:17

The one time I was eating out with someone who just ordered a plate of plain rice (a side) and tap water, I actually ordered more, to make up.
I can tell you as a waitress no one cares. Honestly. Just order what you want.

JigglyTuff · 17/04/2017 11:19

"Without more details, it's impossible to make a judgment. Did Joan have nothing to drink? Was the cheeseboard a one person portion shared between three? How much would Joan have paid in a three way split v paying for herself and her children?"

This is what you said fascicle. The OP said Joan paid for what she and her children consumed. Whether the cheeseboard served 1 or 4 is irrelevant because Joan didn't have any.

allthingslipsticks · 17/04/2017 11:19

If one guest didn't drink alcohol (which does add a significant cost to the bill - let's be honest) and didn't eat anything on the cheeseboard, then she shouldn't have had to pay for that and subsidise the rest of you. It would be more than justified if she had just paid for what she hand her DC consumed.

To be honest, that should have been suggested by the rest of you in the first place. Good on her for speaking up and standing her ground.

BadLad · 17/04/2017 11:19

If there's nothing on the menu you can eat, then that's not quite the same thing. In that case it is a poor choice of restaurant.

Edballsisoneniftydancer · 17/04/2017 11:22

I'm #TeamSharon# now,Joan has lost the crown

Can't they duumvirate? Grin

FireCrotch · 17/04/2017 11:23

I can tell you as a waitress no one cares. Honestly. Just order what you want.

Yep. Me too. Couldn't give a shiny shite what anyone orders (I've seen it all in the 20 odd years of working in every kind of place to serve food).

FireCrotch · 17/04/2017 11:30

Sorry posted too soon. So yeah. Order what you want. Don't act like a tit. We had a table of couples in recently. 8 people in all. One bloke started showing off. Said he knew the chef. Refused to order from the menu or specials. Even tried to cancel his wife's order of a well done steak by saying she was embarrassing herself. Hmm One of the lady's had a salad and lemon water. I've only just remembered her. :o

fascicle · 17/04/2017 12:15

JigglyTuff
You asked: Fascicle - how is paying for what you consumed being a tight arse? Having requoted my short post in its entirety, you will notice the absence of any tight arse refence. I was after more details to make sense of the story before making any assessment.

Another relevant piece of information is whether this group of people have eaten out together before and whether there is a precedent for splitting the bill equally. If it turned out that Joan had previously requested a three way split that could make a difference to the interpretation of the situation.

Chloe84 · 17/04/2017 12:30

A few years ago, I was invited to a colleague's birthday meal. When the bill arrived and everyone handed over their cash, we realised that the couple who had left earlier had neglected to leave money for their share of the bill. If it was my birthday, I would have paid the shortfall and asked the couple for the money, but my colleague just kept asking what to do, until we all just chipped in an extra £10 to cover the cost. Which he accepted. Never again.

lottieandmia · 17/04/2017 12:47

I can't believe people who bugger off without paying - I'll bet it's not an accident!

TheReefer · 17/04/2017 12:49

Joan is in the right, OP I don't know why you had to make her feel awkward about this situation by not wanting to, in effect, subsidise your piss up

TheReefer · 17/04/2017 12:52

SharonBottsPoundOfGrapes - I hear you there, I hve been in Joans shoes too.

It is like Poor shaming. its a socially acceptable way of poor shaming someone in front of their friends and family.

Unless everyone has the same, why would it ever be fair to split the bill equally?

Meeep · 17/04/2017 13:15

Joan is quite a nice name isn't it? Joanie.

JigglyTuff · 17/04/2017 13:20

I know you didn't say she was a tight arse. You said you were unable to conclude she wasn't.

WitchQueenofNewOrleans · 17/04/2017 14:02

One of my colleagues invited me to a birthday meal - it was mainly his friends and not work colleagues iyswim.

Before we all ordered, he asked me if I would help him sort out the bill at the end as one couple had form for leaving meals without paying their share, and would I keep an eye out. I made a mental note of what they ordered and sure enough, they tried to slink away before the bill arrived. I had to cut them off at the door and asked them to pay up.

I heard later they bad-mouthed me to everyone ( but why invite them in the first place?).

I think paying separate bills is the way to go.

fascicle · 17/04/2017 14:13

JigglyTuff
You said you were unable to conclude she wasn't.

I said nothing remotely similar to this. What I did say was: Without more details, it's impossible to make a judgment (that is, a judgment about the situation and whether it was reasonable - the tight arse expression/line of thinking is the OP's, not mine). The questions listed were examples of information that might be useful.

Chloe84 · 17/04/2017 15:10

I heard later they bad-mouthed me to everyone ( but why invite them in the first place?).

What did they say, Witch?

GabsAlot · 17/04/2017 15:16

chloe i wouldn t necessarily agree with that why should one person an the birthday person aswell cover two peoples meals alone?

Chloe84 · 17/04/2017 15:38

GabsALot i think because my colleague organised his own birthday meal and the invites. The couple were his friends (not our colleagues), so I feel it was his responsibility to sort the shortfall.

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