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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friend is a tight arse???

575 replies

FataliePorkman · 15/04/2017 18:20

Just been out for lunch with three friends and our DCs- the children all had the same (lunchboxes with a carton drink and then a small crispy cake) but us adults ate/drank varying amounts. Two of the friends are a couple and the other is single like me. Let's call her Joan.

3/4 of us shared a bottle and extra glass of wine and 2 soft drinks. Joan didn't drink as she lives further away from the pub than us so was driving.
We all had a starter and a main course and then we got a chessboard to share between us- but only me and the couple had some. Joan had 3 DC with her, I have 3 DC and the couple have 1 DC.

Anyway the bill came and friend from the couple suggested we split the bill 3 ways equally. I was fine with this, as were the couple. Joan refused and said she would only pay for what her and her DC had.

Awkward tension followed- Joan paid for her meal and her DC while me and my other two friends split the bill.

AIBU to think she is a bit tight??

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Fleurchamp · 15/04/2017 19:06

Generally when I go out with friends (there are 5/6 of us) we get the bill, pass it around and everyone chips in what they think they owe - someone will always be driving, another friend barely eats etc etc most of the time it ends up that there is more in the pot than needed.

I am with Joan btw. I am pregnant and the last meal I went on with colleagues I ended up paying for about £30 worth of booze.

QODRestYeMerryGentlemen · 15/04/2017 19:06

Op. I think you should cancel the cheque for sure
And yeah Team Joan

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 15/04/2017 19:09

I have seen several threads on here where someone doesn't eat as much as the rest in the party, and doesn't drink any alcohol when the rest do, and gets stung when the bill is split equally between everyone there - it is nice to see one where the person stands up for themselves and doesn't end up subsidising the more expensive tastes of the rest of the party!

It is a real shame that some people would make her feel bad for doing so.

Go Team Joan.

MsGameandWatch · 15/04/2017 19:09

I would be Joan. I am a single parent of two who doesn't drink. But I have never been in that situation, never had to quibble as all my friends get there first in making sure I don't have to sub them. I've never had to utter the words "but I didn't drink alcohol" because they've always said it for me. I realise now that I am lucky in my friends.

SorryForCallingYourMumACunt · 15/04/2017 19:10

I'm Team Joan!

When I'm out and watching the pennies, I literally add it all up in my head.

Fuck paying for wine and a cheese board that I didn't have!!!

dailystuck71 · 15/04/2017 19:10

OP has legged it. I'm team Joan.

BlueSkyBurningBright · 15/04/2017 19:11

UABU

TheFormidableMrsC
Good for you for standing up for yourself. I had a similar meal, years ago. I was not feeling well and went out for dinner with DH and a few of his mates who I knew well. They were visiting from another town, which is why I went. I had a soup and tap water. They all had a three course meal, wine and brandy. When the bill came I was told that my share was 50. I objected, my Dh at the time, told me not a make a fuss and pay, knowing him for both of us.

GreyVelvet · 15/04/2017 19:11

Are you Joan? Because if not YABU. As others have said, why should she pay for the wine and cheese she didn't eat or drink?

Jeaniusly · 15/04/2017 19:12

Still wondering how much Joan saved here.

It's not like a works do where it can happen as another poster said, that mugs end up paying for copious amounts of alcohol for everyone else.

These are friends.

At the end of the day, if you don't bring an extra few quid with you with friends, do not go. It happens, and could be your turn next time.

YouTheCat · 15/04/2017 19:12

Definitely with team Joan on this, even if it had been split 4 ways.

Spankypitta · 15/04/2017 19:12

I'm team OP.
There were three families, so I'd have split it three ways whether I was the Joan or the cheesy drinkers that day. Sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down in these situations, but just split it. It's hideously vulgar to start dissecting a bill at the table.
Unless Joan had made clear at the beginning of the meal that she was on a budget / a bit skint that day of course, in which case everyone else shouldn't have put her in that position in the first place.

Youdontwanttodothat · 15/04/2017 19:13

Why does Joan pay for your wine.

tinglyfing · 15/04/2017 19:15

Why did anyone have to make it awkward for her??!!
Just agree to let the woman pay for what she ate next time. I wouldn't want to subsidise your cheese and wine either!!
I hope no one made her feel mean!!

honeyroar · 15/04/2017 19:15

If I was out with a group of friends and we'd all had similar things, I'd gladly split the bill and give or take a pound or two. However when there are different numbers of kids meals and extra courses involved of course it makes more sense to just pay for your own. Anyone who creates a fuss when they've had more food and drink is selfish. Anyone who writes a thread about it calling their friend is even worse!

I'm cabin crew, this happens a lot a work. I avoid big group meals nowadays. Too many instances of (usually those on biggest salaries) people ordering lobster, steak and endless drinks expecting someone who had a pasta and a Diet Coke to share their bill and having tantrums when they don't!

JustCallMeKate · 15/04/2017 19:15

It's hideously vulgar to start dissecting a bill at the table.

Why? The woman was perhaps on a budget. FFS

Gallavich · 15/04/2017 19:15

How the fuck is it tight to pay for what she and her kids ate but not to pay towards what you all ate? Why should she? Talk about rude and entitled.

PurpleDaisies · 15/04/2017 19:15

Sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down in these situations, but just split it.

If you don't drink you'll almost always be down.

Proper friends understand this.

Gallavich · 15/04/2017 19:16

It's 'hideously vulgar' to embarrass your less well off friends at the end of a meal by expecting them to pay towards your meal and drinks.

Bobbins43 · 15/04/2017 19:17

She might not have been able to afford to pay extra for wine and cheese?

dowhatnow · 15/04/2017 19:17

The couple only had 1 child though so depends on how much the children meal was.

How much would 1/3 of the bill come to op and how much did she end up paying just for her stuff? Are we talking £5 or £25 difference?

anxious2017 · 15/04/2017 19:18

I don't drink and I'm damned if I'll pay for anyone else's. YABU.

dailystuck71 · 15/04/2017 19:19

I would never, ever expect friends, colleagues or anyone to pay for everyone else having multiple courses and drinks at lunch or dinner.

Riderontheswarm · 15/04/2017 19:19

Do you mean she was tight because she wouldn't pay for any of your meal or any of the couple's meals?

She paid for everything she had. What do you mean when you say she was tight?

MooCahnt · 15/04/2017 19:19

I'm all about each pays for their own unless it's family. I'm from Yorkshire. Want cheese and booze pay for it yer sein.

JustSpeakSense · 15/04/2017 19:20

It's hideously vulgar to start dissecting a bill at the table.

It is hideously vulgar to expect someone less well off than you to fund your cheese board & wine.

Real friends wouldn't do this.