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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think my friend is a tight arse???

575 replies

FataliePorkman · 15/04/2017 18:20

Just been out for lunch with three friends and our DCs- the children all had the same (lunchboxes with a carton drink and then a small crispy cake) but us adults ate/drank varying amounts. Two of the friends are a couple and the other is single like me. Let's call her Joan.

3/4 of us shared a bottle and extra glass of wine and 2 soft drinks. Joan didn't drink as she lives further away from the pub than us so was driving.
We all had a starter and a main course and then we got a chessboard to share between us- but only me and the couple had some. Joan had 3 DC with her, I have 3 DC and the couple have 1 DC.

Anyway the bill came and friend from the couple suggested we split the bill 3 ways equally. I was fine with this, as were the couple. Joan refused and said she would only pay for what her and her DC had.

Awkward tension followed- Joan paid for her meal and her DC while me and my other two friends split the bill.

AIBU to think she is a bit tight??

OP posts:
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lottieandmia · 16/04/2017 10:49

Can anyone shed any light on why it's considered bad manners to only want to pay for what you've had by some?

I can't think of any other situation in life where people are expected to split the total. I split the bill with my friends but usually in a 1:1 situation. We usually have almost exactly the same. If I'd had loads more no way would I expect my friend to pay.

When there are 18 people it's no wonder some of them are going to get screwed over.

Peanutbuttercheese · 16/04/2017 10:52

I frequently foot the bill for lunch or dinner for friends and relatives that I love so I wouldn't call myself tight. But I hate nothing more than dinner gatherings of people I certainly don't love for example colleagues or those sort of dinners where friends of friends come along. On those occasions I do love the bill split in to what everyone has had.

lottieandmia · 16/04/2017 10:55

That's true Peanut - I only ever dine out with people I love - close friends And usually a 1:1 situation so I wouldn't mind paying a bit extra.

As I said there have been MN threads about this topic that went the other way with people saying it's rude to say you don't want to split the bill and that if you can't afford it you shouldn't go out!

DorkMaiden · 16/04/2017 10:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LagunaBubbles · 16/04/2017 10:59

I suspect the posters that are saying it's bad manners to only pay for what you have are the same cheeky ones that have more than everyone else and expect others to pay for them eh.

notadutchie · 16/04/2017 12:55

Definitely Joan.

However, next time when putting the orders in, Joan might want to add to the waiter that she wants a separate bill. It can seem a bit awkward but it's WAY better than stressing through the meal and then the godawful discussion about the split afterwards. For me any discussion about the bill is akin to drinking lemon juice after a good meal. I'd have paid the extra if I was Joan but not have gone out with those "friends" again or made sure to tell the waiter at the beginning (with no discussion about it with the group beforehand).

Butterymuffin · 16/04/2017 13:03

Oh yeah, it's always the folk who have eaten and guzzled loads who are keen to split the bill. I wonder why?Hmm

DAMNgina · 16/04/2017 13:29

notadutchie This is EXACTLY what I did with a repeat offender 'friend' who seemed to thinkI would be delighted to pay for her and her four children's meals (age range 3-18)

They always ordered the most expensive items on the menu, I don't even think they wanted that food, just the most expensive items.

FWIW She "came from money" and has never worked.

I don't and have always had a job since my two paper-rounds as a tween ( I have given these up now though.

The look on her face was priceless.

As was the subsequent drama about a 'lost purse' which was mysteriously found after she realised I was deadly serious about not paying.

Them she sent me a choice email about how I had upset her children.

Don't miss her.

#wearealljoan

Foslady · 16/04/2017 13:31

Hope to God this meal wasn't under the pretext of 'Poor Joan, her and the kids on her own over the Easter holidays, let's invite them out for a meal' - that'd be a great way to find out who your friends are are group of people who think you're tight because you won't sub their food and drink!!!

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 16/04/2017 13:33

No, she didn't drink and she didn't have the cheeseboard! She's perfectly reasonable. I hope she picked up on your judginess and goes for lunch with someone more thoughtful else next time!

DAMNgina · 16/04/2017 14:13

I also wonder how many times this has happened to Joan and if this was the first time she set down some completely reasonable boundaries to her so-called-friends.

WankingMonkey · 16/04/2017 14:19

The couple are absolute arses in this. of course it was them who tried to split 3 ways. Cheeky cunts

I posted in the other thread about this but my friend group have had issues with buying rounds when a couple are out. The copuple expect to only buy one lot of drinks between them per round. Meaning they drink for half the price and others in the group sunsidize. No wonder they want to drink rounds...

It got caught onto immediately though and the couple then tried to accuse the rest of the group of being nasty and greedy!

So glad I don't drin k rounds and could pretty much stay out of that argument and just watch the fireworks.

Why do so many couples decide that when it comes to paying for stuff the two of them class as one. If they shared one drink, shared one meal etc then fair enough. otherwise..fuck off.

MsGameandWatch · 16/04/2017 15:45

The couple only paying for one round thing has happened to me more than once actually - am a single parent. How do people think this is ok?

notadutchie · 16/04/2017 15:58

DAMNgina WOW!!!! "Came from money" but obviously not a family with manners!

GabsAlot · 16/04/2017 16:10

joan here!

my highlight is getting my calc out and start working out how much everyone owes

the best one was when we we in a thai resturant they didnt speak good english an didnt get that we wanted to pay three different amounts

they literally didnt know what to do and had to gt the manager out to work it out!

if its only a couple of quid difference i dont mind splittin it but anything else pay for yourself

WankingMonkey · 16/04/2017 16:21

The couple only paying for one round thing has happened to me more than once actually - am a single parent. How do people think this is ok?

Seems to be pretty common. Have heard a few people moaning/arguing about it when out.

I hate rounds anyway. I like to drink at my own pace and also have noticed people getting cocktails and such when its other peoples turn to pay, then a coke on their turn. People take the piss.

DAMNgina · 16/04/2017 16:22

notadutchie Thing is she had an utterly charming persona and was quite funny, a good laugh etc.

At the time it was awful - excruciatingly embarrassing, stomach acid burning, ground-open and swallow me up type of thing.

I felt like shit, worse than shit, but I had already decided that that meal would be the decider though.

I am by nature quite generous and sucked it up the first few times but I'm a bit like Buckaroo - you can pile a lot of baggage on me and I seem to be bearing the load without any issue but then...

So to be fair, maybe she thought that I was completely ok with that so now I always 'stay on my own' but it is a lot easier with some people than others, which I feel is a rule-of-thumb indicator.

Nowt as queer as folk.

#justiceforjoan

ilovesooty · 16/04/2017 16:37

I'm still smarting from the carvery I went to with family where the bill was split so that couples paid the same as individuals (I was the only single diner) and people who got through a bottle of wine only paid the same as non drinkers (I was one of two people driving and I had one lime and soda). Since my sister calculated the bill and it was my mother's wake I couldn't really argue.
I don't think the OP is coming back.

DAMNgina · 16/04/2017 16:38

it was my mother's wake Flowers

notadutchie · 16/04/2017 17:24

ShockShockShock DAMNgina

ilovesooty · 16/04/2017 17:35

Thanks DAMNgina

Not the first time by any means I've been in that situation but the circumstances made it far too difficult to dispute the bill.

Gallavich · 16/04/2017 17:47

Adult meal - 12
Kids menu -7
Wine - 18
Cheeseboard - 15?

Joan's bill was 33
Friend's bill was 43
Couple's bill was 46

If split 3 ways Joan would have paid 41. A saving of £8 might feel trivial to some but to a struggling single mum it's not at all. I wouldn't be able to afford to sub my friends £8 for their cheese and wine.

BackforGood · 16/04/2017 18:10

Oh. Disappointing.
Just popped on to see if OP came back.

DAMNgina · 16/04/2017 19:01

ilovesooty Genuinely teared-up reading that.

The one time you should feel entitled to be looked -after...

If I had been in the pub and overheard that, I would have anonymously covered your bill.

It would have been the very least you deserved and the very least I could have done... as a complete stranger.

fascicle · 16/04/2017 19:17

Without more details, it's impossible to make a judgment. Did Joan have nothing to drink? Was the cheeseboard a one person portion shared between three? How much would Joan have paid in a three way split v paying for herself and her children?

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