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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friend is a tight arse???

575 replies

FataliePorkman · 15/04/2017 18:20

Just been out for lunch with three friends and our DCs- the children all had the same (lunchboxes with a carton drink and then a small crispy cake) but us adults ate/drank varying amounts. Two of the friends are a couple and the other is single like me. Let's call her Joan.

3/4 of us shared a bottle and extra glass of wine and 2 soft drinks. Joan didn't drink as she lives further away from the pub than us so was driving.
We all had a starter and a main course and then we got a chessboard to share between us- but only me and the couple had some. Joan had 3 DC with her, I have 3 DC and the couple have 1 DC.

Anyway the bill came and friend from the couple suggested we split the bill 3 ways equally. I was fine with this, as were the couple. Joan refused and said she would only pay for what her and her DC had.

Awkward tension followed- Joan paid for her meal and her DC while me and my other two friends split the bill.

AIBU to think she is a bit tight??

OP posts:
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5
ophiotaurus · 17/04/2017 09:06

I hate it when people do this. Unless everyone is having the same/similar then the bill should not be split.

ophiotaurus · 17/04/2017 09:06

I mean that it should only be split equally if everyone has the same.

SharonBottsPoundOfGrapes · 17/04/2017 09:08

I was Joan last August. A few of us went for a meal before going to the theatre. I wasn't drinking so had a Coke. I then ordered lasagne and a side of fries. So all in all £12 worth of food and drink (never said it was a fancy meal did I?) My fellow diners ordered 2 bottles of wine, lager, steaks, the special which was a black pudding with scallops. So definitely not cheap stuff. I'd already decided I'd put £20 in to cover service charges/Tips etc. More than fair imo. My cousin laughed and said "You'll be putting more than that down!" Apparently I still owed £15! I saw red. I'd been stung in the past by some of the same people but at that time I had a job, my own money and hadn't had to scrape enough together to finance a night out after a year of ill health and having to rely on dh for everything. I grabbed a menu. Pointed out my meal and drink. The cost. The £20 I'd put down for £12 worth of food and drink. I said it's going to be a cold day in hell before I put down more money ( for what I could've had double the amount or actually ordered what I wanted but chose cheaper because I was so skint). I was actually really upset as they knew how I was struggling and the amount of pain I was in. It also made me look like a fucking cheap skate. My mum was there and could see me getting upset. She offered to put more in for me. I almost screeched at her she didn't need to and that she would be subsidising them then. I've not seen my cousin since.

Tweetypie85 · 17/04/2017 09:12

If you all had exactly the same stuff then split it but don't expect her to pay for stuff she didn't have!!

SummerKelly · 17/04/2017 09:15

I was at a work do some years ago, I was the lowest paid person in the office and I was going onto somewhere else afterwards so didn't stay long. I had £10 worth of food and drink (no alcohol) and left £15. They all stayed on. When I got back into the office the week after I was told it was £50 per person and I still owed £35! I didn't feel in a position to challenge. It was a long time ago but I still feel contemptuous of all those people.

bonbonours · 17/04/2017 09:19

I would definitely not be paying for other people's food and booze. I have a group of friends who tend to throw money around a lot more than i can afford to.do. Luckily they know this so we always pay for our own and our kids' stuff. Rude to assume everyone has the same funds as yourself.

Edballsisoneniftydancer · 17/04/2017 09:21

Sharon you are my new hero. Good for you. Hope you are feeling well.

Edballsisoneniftydancer · 17/04/2017 09:25

Summerkelly That is monstrous. I would say look and learn from Sharon but when it's a work do it's not so easy. (Not that it can have been easy for Sharon )You can take your contempt to the grave and I for one would not think ill of you for it.

SideOrderofSprouts · 17/04/2017 09:26

#teamjoan

fascicle · 17/04/2017 09:26

JigglyTuff
Fascicle - how is paying for what you consumed being a tight arse?

Nowhere have I said that.

myusernamewastaken · 17/04/2017 09:34

Ive been stung with bill splitting in the past too....I am now a lone parent and have to be careful so if meeting friends for lunch we tend to go to places where we can order and pay upfront individually....thus no awkward scene when the bill arrives at the end.

Shockers · 17/04/2017 09:36

I once didn't speak up for myself when I was quite young and out with two married women from work. I ended up walking four miles home because I couldn't afford the taxi I'd budgeted for (I didn't have a car at the time).

I had a starter of a filled pancake, and a glass of water, the other two had lobster pasta and wine. They went onto a nightclub.

BarbaraofSeville · 17/04/2017 10:15

That's when it is especially galling Sharon. You've deliberately limited what you had to what you can afford while the others have eaten and drunk everything in sight and then they expect you to pay for their gluttony. No decent person does that.

But in reality it doesn't matter who can afford what or whether separate bills are agreed in advance. You don't expect others to subsidise your meal or accuse them of being tight when they very reasonably object.

BadLad · 17/04/2017 10:27

I think there's nothing wrong with just wanting to pay for yourself. I'm happy to speak up for non-drinkers and people who had cheaper meals if I spot an injustice, and will support them if they pipe up first.

That said, I do hate it when people come out to eat and order little more than fuck all, like a starter and tap water.

Shockers · 17/04/2017 10:30

Perhaps, BadLad, it's all they can afford and they are more interested in the company. As long as they appear happy and aren't going on about being skint, what's the problem?

witsender · 17/04/2017 10:37

Why does that bother you BadLad?

BarbaraofSeville · 17/04/2017 10:39

I wouldn't usually go as far as a starter and a tap water but I don't see anything wrong with tap water and a main.

Drinks in restaurants are extortionate and I don't like pop so wouldn't want anything except tap water if I'm not having alcohol for whatever reason.

Portion sizes are often massive too, so a main is usually more than enough food. Even some starters can be big. On holiday last year DP and I ordered just a starter and a main between us after a couple of days because, even though DP is a big eater and it was an activity holiday so we were more hungry than normal, the portions were so big that we simply couldnt eat any more and we didn't have any way of storing and reheating food later as we were in a hotel.

It seems like more people need the confidence to only order and spend what they want to and there needs to be a change in the culture of wastefully ordering more than people are actually wanting to eat.

user1489179512 · 17/04/2017 10:40

Well done, Sharon. It about the principle and the absolute nerve of people like that.

user1489179512 · 17/04/2017 10:42

People are free to order what they like - even if it is a tiny amount of something.

RufusTheRenegadeReindeer · 17/04/2017 10:44

I have some friends who feel that they cant have a cake if i am not eating a cake

Or cant have a starter or dessert if i am not eating a starter or dessert

Or cant have a glass of wine if im not having one

Or in one case cant eat meat

They get a bit 'tense' about it, as if its my fault

I eat what i want when i want, i dont base my decisions around someone else

Not saying that is why badlad has an issue with it but i have seen the above responses in friends

SharonBottsPoundOfGrapes · 17/04/2017 10:44

Thanks all. This was because of a build up of years of piss taking. I'd let my resentments fester and the explosion was epic. I'm a very easy going person. Always willing to do what others want. Always surprised if anyone wants to do anything I suggest etc. We had one meal out where yet again I paid over the odds by putting a £20 in for £11 worth of food. I went to take a £5 note back (while leaving £4) and was told "Err, that's for the waitress!" I said "Have you left a £9 tip then?! Y'know nearly double of what you've consumed? No. Didn't think so." It's the painkillers. They make me feisty. And grumpy. I was way more generous when I was bevvied up and quiet. :o

RufusTheRenegadeReindeer · 17/04/2017 10:45

I think you did the right thing sharon

Wine
Aeroflotgirl · 17/04/2017 10:45

Good on you Sharon, well done for putting your foot down to those idiots! Let them learn a lesson. I wod not go out with them again!

Aeroflotgirl · 17/04/2017 10:46

Expecting you to sub their lavish meal, they are no friends.

dustarr73 · 17/04/2017 10:47

I'm #TeamSharon# now,Joan has lost the crown

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