Aibu - photos of children on kids on social media

[ThisAintALoveSong]

Hope the title of the thread isn't too alarming, just not sure how to word it.

I'm guilty of posting pics of my young kids on social media, I can't think of a parent I know who doesn't. Does it ever occur to the parent that one day the kid will grow up, find the photos online of them with food all over their faces/mud in their hair/their first day at school or whatever it might be and be embarrassed? Or feel like their privacy was invaded in some way?

I post things like when my youngest was being weaned onto solids and had food all over his face - I found it amusing and cute and yet it was a big milestone in his life. Or when we've had day trips out or holidays, that sort of thing. Some people I know will post photos to show their kids are poorly etc. I don't tend to photograph kids when they are ill, it just wouldn't occur to me to do that.

Just wondered whether anyone has had a child grow up to say 'mum that pic of me you put up when I was 5 years old eating mud (or whatever) is really embarrassing' - social media has played a big part in people's lives in the last decade so it could have happened.

I'm not looking to judge anyone here or be judged. It's only just occurred to me how my kids might feel when they get older. (Also I was going through old Kodak photos of me and my family from the early 90s and I'd be pretty embarrassed at some of them if they were plastered online. I'd probably still find it highly amusing though)

"Again this is so easy to avoid if you use the privacy settings properly. "

So many people don't and technology as eel as T&Cs are constantly evolving often without users of online service being aware at all. As with all things moderation is the key. People parent the way they feel comfortable and that extends into the digital sphere.

I'd be curious to know if people who don't post pictures of their dc online for a variety of reasons give their dc freedoms in other areas and vv. I am pretty conservative wrt family images on SM but I let dc 8yrs go to the shops by herself (shows about 3 minutes away no street to cross) every so often and they are self reliant in a variety of settings.

*So many people don't know the ins and outs of SM and other online functionality and technology as well as T&Cs

It is a difficult topic, because social media has become the way we share news with family and friends, it's when it becomes over sharing that it becomes an issue, or where the parent is desperate for likes or to show themselves in the best light.

I don't have Facebook but all my family even my grannies have Instagram and my account is private so only those I chose can see them, and I would never post anything embarrassing, just things like a group shot of 4 generations on Mother's Day or dd in an outfit bought by an aunt on a nice day out, first picture of her standing up holding the sofa etc. My mum posts throwback pictures of my brother and I and I don't have an issue with it, she wouldn't post bath pictures or an embarrassing home video of me explaining long shore drift and cliff erosion aged 8 which would embarrass me. I don't think babies can look stupid or embarrassing to be honest anyway.

While I was pregnant DP and I thought that we wouldn't want to post pictures of dd on social media, but we realised that by taking photos on our phones the photos are just as compromised as photos on social media because they upload to the cloud immediately and we know from friends who work in programming and tech that it is really easy to hack.

I still have photos printed and put them into big leather bound albums like my parents had of us, this is where the funny or embarrassing photos can be displayed for future hilarity. This way it can be fully policed as to who sees them, if dd ever objected I wouldn't share a picture of her but I don't think she will object to her family and our friends who all adore her seeing some pictures of her from time to time.

So many people don't know the ins and outs of SM and other online functionality and technology as well as T&Cs

But don't you think the onus is on the users to check the T&C and keep them self appraised of their own settings?

I don't post anything on social media of kids.

As a side note, we have instances of kids taking old photos of other kids on social media and re-posting them offensively (re- captioning, taking the micky etc.). Wrong, cruel and not the victims fault at all. However none of them had posted the original pictures themselves. What seems cute and funny when they are little, isn't how they see it later.

If my younger kids grow up to be deeply affected because I have photos of them on FB I would tell them to get over it as well. As long as they aren't naked photos I expect they can handle it.

Two out of three of mine who are old enough for FB post pictures of themselves anyway, so I hardly think they will care. The one who doesn't post pictures on FB doesn't care if I do and at nearly 18 years old he has not been harmed by it.

I do ask the teens if they are happy with certain photos going up now but I don't the younger ones. I don't post anything that is embarrassing and as they will no doubt grow up posting pictures of themselves anyway I don't see the issue.

Totally agree re pragmatism.
I don't post inappropriate photos of my DCs, just general holiday/birthday/Xmas ones. They are set to friends only, and after a short while I set them to 'just me'.
I get a lot of pleasure from 'time hop', being reminded of pics from years ago when DCs were tiny. I dont post much of DD (10) now , other than non-descript group family shots, as she's getting to the age where she wants her own choice 're online presence.

But it is naive to think you can have no online presence. My DCs photos are shared on private FB groups for cubs, guides, football, PTA etc etc. DD uses whatsapp, and is desperate for instagram! And lets not even start on online gaming (pressure currently for that in our house! ).

If i insisted on no online presence for myself in my work capacity, it would be a nightmare. LinkedIn is key. My photo is on our company website. I've been tagged in news/event reports. Twitter.....

Reminds me of my Aunty saying she didn't do online banking because she didnt want her bank info to be digital. Well it already is!

"But don't you think the onus is on the users to check the T&C and keep them self appraised of their own settings?"

In theory yes yet the way most online services and apps work the T&C box is swiftly ticked, I doubt most people actually read several pages of small print before using what we see as free & fun digital services. Most digital providers change their T&Cs continually without making consumers aware at all (there were some issues a while back with Google and FB). People engage with stuff online the way it's presented. Maybe they should be enticed to read T&Cs and companies forced or at least encouraged to provide them in a digestible format and possibly ask questions which users have to answer before being abel to use the service.

A thing to bear (bare? which?) in mind is that nothing is for free. Even if we don't pay for MN or FB or any of the 'free' mobile apps we give away data about ourselves that is invaluable for companies and their profits.

In theory yes yet the way most online services and apps work the T&C box is swiftly ticked, I doubt most people actually read several pages of small print before using what we see as free & fun digital services

With the best will in the world, that's a bit reckless though isn't it?

I would never tick a box to say I agree to T&C if I haven't read them - how do you know what they are?!

"With the best will in the world, that's a bit reckless though isn't it?" It's not reckless it's ordinary human behaviour. I wonder how many people on this thread actually read the T&Cs for free online stuff or when online shopping? Most of us just click through the obvious options to complete a transaction but don't read in details obscure pages long PDFs which state the T&C. Why don't companies make it easier for their users to be fully informed about the T&Cs?

Just to highlight that we are often made to believe that Google, FB, Twitter et all are free. They don't charge us money true but they get data from us, which is used to sell to third parties and to tailor advertising.

It's not naivety. If you're sensible and exercise some caution and moderation social media is safe to use and social media has many huge positives about it. I've done several online safety courses and teach online security. I understand about terms and conditions and how long the images remain in the systems. And I teach Dd the same. The internet and social media doesn't need to be some big scary place.

I have started to delete my old pictures on FB when they pop up as memories. I figure they are no longer relevant to our lives now. I do still post the odd pic of my kids and I do share amusing anecdotes, becuase my children are funny and what they say tends to cheer people up. I will continue to delete old photos from FB (and they do delete) so am not leaving a digital foot print of them for the future. I am tight with my privacy settings and when they are older I will probably cut down / ask first as they will become more self concious. I never post naked pics or pics of them ill or anything like that.

Fucks sake who are all these traumatised teens anyway. Mine wouldn't care a fuck and neither would future mates.

I suggest some need to teach their kids resilience and proportion. It's a hard life else.

BatGirl I completely agree!

There are clearly 2 camps

People who see kids as their property

And people who respect them as individual people

You have no idea what and with whom these pics are being shared -

Would you post them all over the neighbouthood? No!

Just to highlight that we are often made to believe that Google, FB, Twitter et all are free. They don't charge us money true but they get data from us, which is used to sell to third parties and to tailor advertising

You aren't made to believe anything. Anyone who believes its all free to them and no-one is making any money from it are idiots.

There are clearly 2 camps People who see kids as their property And people who respect them as individual people

Don't be a dick, you know this to be utter nonsense. Don't attack others to shore up your own blatant insecurities.

"Anyone who believes its all free to them and no-one is making any money from it are idiots." okeee then

Astro - thats just a ridiculous statement, as I am very sure you know. It's designed to stir and be inflammatory nothing more.

*There are clearly 2 camps

People who see kids as their property

And people who respect them as individual people

You have no idea what and with whom these pics are being shared -

Would you post them all over the neighbouthood? No*

Or the third camp - people who are so insecure in their own choices they post goady statements about others.

Who cares what others do?! So what's right for you. But don't think your standards are the only right that all others should aspire to. That's just arrogance

Does it ever occur to the parent that one day the kid will grow up, find the photos online of them with food all over their faces/mud in their hair/their first day at school or whatever it might be and be embarrassed?

I don't think you should be worried about this. TBH I really think by the time our small kids grow up this will be normal to them. By that I mean we already live in a world where everything now must be posted , shared and videod. I hardly know of anyone who doesn't post pics of their kids anyway. What you think might be embarrassing to them is probably not going to phase them by then.

never mind - there will come a point where they get their own back and there will be many pictures of posters in old age homes with soup dribbling down their bristled chins and their wrinkled support stockings with captions like "just visiting grandma"

Beyond

Jokes aside, dbil is sharing pictures on FB of dmil in her dementia care home. This is a woman who once was very glamorous and wouldn't leave the house unless perfectly groomed. She obviously has no say any longer in how the rest of the world views her, now that she is ill.

Does it ever occur to the parent that one day the kid will grow up, find the photos online of them with food all over their faces/mud in their hair/their first day at school or whatever it might be and be embarrassed?

Well, my sons aren't embarrassed by their selfies with frowns, or SC filters or silly poses. I can't imagine they will be any more embarrassed of a picture of them with a face full of yoghurt or a picture of them on the fun fair as a child.

I don't think they are precious enough to be all butt hurt and offended by normal childhood photos shared on my FB with friends and family. If they are I would wonder how I managed to raise children who would turn such a thing into a big problem.

My 15 year old asked me to post baby photos so he could tag his girlfriend in them. They don't take themselves that seriously thank god.