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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu - photos of children on kids on social media

295 replies

ThisAintALoveSong · 14/04/2017 23:02

Hope the title of the thread isn't too alarming, just not sure how to word it.

I'm guilty of posting pics of my young kids on social media, I can't think of a parent I know who doesn't. Does it ever occur to the parent that one day the kid will grow up, find the photos online of them with food all over their faces/mud in their hair/their first day at school or whatever it might be and be embarrassed? Or feel like their privacy was invaded in some way?

I post things like when my youngest was being weaned onto solids and had food all over his face - I found it amusing and cute and yet it was a big milestone in his life. Or when we've had day trips out or holidays, that sort of thing. Some people I know will post photos to show their kids are poorly etc. I don't tend to photograph kids when they are ill, it just wouldn't occur to me to do that.

Just wondered whether anyone has had a child grow up to say 'mum that pic of me you put up when I was 5 years old eating mud (or whatever) is really embarrassing' - social media has played a big part in people's lives in the last decade so it could have happened.

I'm not looking to judge anyone here or be judged. It's only just occurred to me how my kids might feel when they get older. (Also I was going through old Kodak photos of me and my family from the early 90s and I'd be pretty embarrassed at some of them if they were plastered online. I'd probably still find it highly amusing though)

OP posts:

lljkk · 15/04/2017 19:39

My FB is maybe 50% pics of the kids. It's pictures of "we went here and did this today" I'm not sure how my ego is supposed to come into it... it's just sharing what's going on in our lives, with people who seem to be interested & share their own news in similar way. I do stop & think "could that be embarrassing when they're 30yo solicitor?" & choose the pictures appropriately.

Some pictures don't give my kids an online profile.
I find it weird when folk insist they have copyright over their image.

jennyfromtheblock1975 · 15/04/2017 19:45

Batgirl did you read the article? Maybe there is a backstory but the quotes say it all really:

"“They knew no shame and no limits,” she told Austria’s Heute newspaper. “They didn't care if I was sitting on the toilet or lying naked in the cot, every moment was photographed and made public.”

The woman said she had repeatedly asked her parents to remove more than 500 pictures of her from Facebook, but they had refused.

So she decided to take legal action as soon as she turned 18.

“I’m tired of not being taken seriously by my parents,” she said.

Her father told her that as he had taken the photographs, he had the right to do with them as he pleased.

Sounds like some of the posters on here. No doubt if anyone had challenged him about it a few years ago he'd have insisted she didn't mind at all.

vavapis32 · 15/04/2017 20:47

"are you really really thinking your face book friends are plotting to kid nap your children?"
Not sure which poster was worried about this but remember that as soon as one of your FB friends 'likes' a picture you post this picture is published on the timeline of all their FB contacts. It's not just your friends viewing the pictures of your family but FB friends of your friends and so on. No matter how strictly you control your settings you do not know who will view your posts and pictures.

Tallulahoola · 15/04/2017 20:51

Kids born in this decade will grow up to live their whole lives through social media. Just look at all the YouTubers who broadcast the most mundane stuff imaginable and get millions of followers. Sadly the days when teens only shared their private thoughts in a diary are long gone. So I think seeing their baby pictures on Facebook will strike them as totally and utterly normal.

Vatessamia · 15/04/2017 21:00

I don't mind sharing with friends but will think very carefully before I share private pictures on FB because friends of friends can see what I post. Friends of friends meaning hundreds of people my FB friends are friends with and they don't actually know in RL or much at all. This feature has killed FB for me btw.

Natsku · 15/04/2017 21:25

but remember that as soon as one of your FB friends 'likes' a picture you post this picture is published on the timeline of all their FB contacts. It's not just your friends viewing the pictures of your family but FB friends of your friends and so on

Yeah that's not true, unless you're dumb enough to still have your privacy settings on friends and friends of friends. If your settings are friends only then it doesn't matter if your friends like or comment on your picture, their friends still can't see it.

NabobsFromNobHill · 15/04/2017 21:28

Does it ever occur to the parent that one day the kid will grow up, find the photos online of them with food all over their faces/mud in their hair/their first day at school or whatever it might be and be embarrassed?

How will they find the photos online on my locked, private social media account?
And considering that they are growing up thinking this is entirely normal and doing it themselves as soon as they are old enough, why should they care?

NabobsFromNobHill · 15/04/2017 21:29

I don't mind sharing with friends but will think very carefully before I share private pictures on FB because friends of friends can see what I post.

Why not just find out how FB works and set it so friends of friends can;t see your photos? Not that hard, is it?

RicottaPancakes · 15/04/2017 21:47

Your FB settings might be secure now, but they can change their privacy policy. And just be because children who grow up now will "get used to" photos of them being online doesn't make it right,/good and what choice do they have anyway? You can email photos as well if you want to show friends and family what your chidren are up to ;)

user1487854472 · 15/04/2017 21:48

I used to post photos of my daughter on Facebook. She started nursery a few weeks back and I recognised the child of someone who I went to school with, who I'm not even friends with on Facebook!! That freaked me out, as it just shows that other people could recognise my daughter. I certainly won't post anymore photos, there's no need.

deadringer · 15/04/2017 22:01

I have no photos of my kids on fb, i am not afraid of weirdos seeing the pics or anything, i just feel its an invasion of their privacy.

DappledThings · 15/04/2017 22:54

I have a friend who posts photos of her year old daughter on Instagram regularly (around once a fortnight). These are all hash tagged with whatever random shite is on her mind but also the child's full name - first, middle and surname.

coconuttella · 15/04/2017 23:02

Fairybella

Perhaps we should never take our children out without covering their faces... you never know, a wierdo might be lurking and secretly taking photos not them, and then sharing them with is sicko friends to feed their sick fantasies... You can't be too careful these days!....
Or perhaps we get a grip of our paranoia....

Original poster

ThisAintALoveSong · 15/04/2017 23:02

Jeez I was tired when I typed the title of the thread last night but couldn't sleep 🙈 Apologies for the random heading.

I'm not really sure what my point was with this post, I think I was just trying to gauge where other MN users drew a line regarding posting pictures of children.

I've never posted nudes/toilet training pics of my youngsters as I don't think I would appreciate that had I/my parents grown up with social media technology. I don't like posting pictures of ill kids, I think that is when they feel most vulnerable especially if they look wiped out and pale. I wouldn't want somebody shoving a camera in my face when I feel like I'm at deaths door.

It is worrying though about whose hands the pictures could end up in though, I agree. I tend to post less pictures now of my kids, probably cos I've got 2 now and I've already bored my friends to death with my first born 😏 But they do get posted when we've had day trips and holidays etc

OP posts:

NabobsFromNobHill · 15/04/2017 23:04

Your FB settings might be secure now, but they can change their privacy policy

Then you can remove your account and photos if you don't like their new policies.

People are too quick to blame the tech when really they don't know how to use it properly.

coconuttella · 15/04/2017 23:16

Your FB settings might be secure now, but they can change their privacy policy

Why would FB have a policy to turn people's private settings public.... it would be suicidal from a business perspective. It's a bit like saying 'I won't put my money in a bank in case the bank decide everyone can withdraw my money'.... a lot of excessive paranoia on this subject.

Teabagtits · 15/04/2017 23:20

I refuse to post pics or even use my dd's name on social media. It's not my place to do so. I'm sure when she's old enough to decide for herself she can plaster her own accounts with as many pics of herself as she wants but I've already been teaching her about the need for privacy on the net. I've also asked with very limited success that my family don't post her photos either but they don't listen. I have a very valid reason for not posting photos (there are none of me online that I'm aware of either) after getting a persistent and creepy stalker from a photo of a tattoo who "found" me in real life. In reality we have no idea who is accessing the stuff we post and should always bear this in mind.

WyfOfBathe · 15/04/2017 23:22

I post occasional pics of the DC on Facebook. I think I last posted a picture in the Feb half term when we went on a day trip.

I would never post a photo of DC not fully dressed or ill, and I wouldn't say anything bad about them (a relative has posted several times about her son being a "little shit", which I think is awful!)

We didn't have social media when I was growing up but on my last "round number" birthday my DMum posted several photos of me as a small child and I thought it was lovely!

coconuttella · 15/04/2017 23:31

I don't get why people are afraid that putting their kids photos on FB and sharing with friends puts them at risk of kidnap....
Ok, I get that there's a theoretical risk, but as far as I'm aware, there's never been a kidnap resulting from a parent sharing a photo of their children on FB. It's a bit like never going to Brighton in case a tsunami hit... possible i suppose, but vanishingly unlikely.

JacquesHammer · 15/04/2017 23:32

Not sure which poster was worried about this but remember that as soon as one of your FB friends 'likes' a picture you post this picture is published on the timeline of all their FB contacts. It's not just your friends viewing the pictures of your family but FB friends of your friends and so on. No matter how strictly you control your settings you do not know who will view your posts and pictures

That's not true at all.

I have maximum privacy settings on FB. If you're not my friend you cannot see any pics of mine bar my profile pic. You can't see any info about me. You can't see my friends list.

Friends of friends cannot see my pics/posts when their friends have commented/liked.

It takes 5 mins to secure your account.

NabobsFromNobHill · 15/04/2017 23:33

Not possible though, think about it, what would photos on FB have to do with anything? Someone explain that actual scenario.

Astro55 · 15/04/2017 23:46

They showed you how easy it is - due to location services - to pin point where photos have been taken - thus makes children easy to trace.

Astro55 · 15/04/2017 23:48

That's the schools point about not sharing pics of other kids - some maybe fostered or adopted or victims of violence -

Graceflorrick · 15/04/2017 23:51

My DM died a few years ago, there's so much I wish I had asked her about me as a small child, places we've been, how old I am in particular pictures, what my personality was like at certain ages! I can't as she's gone and there's no documented history that I can refer to other than photos of places/ people I can't remember.

I'm using Facebook to document the growth and development of my DC, along with my thoughts about how completely amazing and funny I think she is. I'm not ashamed of that, I love looking over the records I've made.

Each to their own I say!

Astro55 · 15/04/2017 23:52

That's lovely - but why not s scrap book?

What if they are shared with 'school friends'

It's only a screen shot!

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