Aibu - photos of children on kids on social media

[ThisAintALoveSong]

Hope the title of the thread isn't too alarming, just not sure how to word it.

I'm guilty of posting pics of my young kids on social media, I can't think of a parent I know who doesn't. Does it ever occur to the parent that one day the kid will grow up, find the photos online of them with food all over their faces/mud in their hair/their first day at school or whatever it might be and be embarrassed? Or feel like their privacy was invaded in some way?

I post things like when my youngest was being weaned onto solids and had food all over his face - I found it amusing and cute and yet it was a big milestone in his life. Or when we've had day trips out or holidays, that sort of thing. Some people I know will post photos to show their kids are poorly etc. I don't tend to photograph kids when they are ill, it just wouldn't occur to me to do that.

Just wondered whether anyone has had a child grow up to say 'mum that pic of me you put up when I was 5 years old eating mud (or whatever) is really embarrassing' - social media has played a big part in people's lives in the last decade so it could have happened.

I'm not looking to judge anyone here or be judged. It's only just occurred to me how my kids might feel when they get older. (Also I was going through old Kodak photos of me and my family from the early 90s and I'd be pretty embarrassed at some of them if they were plastered online. I'd probably still find it highly amusing though)

Google my name and you'll know where I was and what I was doing, often with photos, on any given weekend. I dont like it but can't see a way to avoid it unless you don't ever participate in anything

Your privacy settings must be terrible.

I always ask my kids permission first and also set the pics to private a couple of weeks later. I also try to keep my friends list relatively select. It's tricky though. These will be the first kids growing up where every moment of their lives have been captured. I often wonder what effect this might have long term.

I post a small amount of photos to a limited audience of family and very close friends. I do not use my kids photos as header or profile pictures on social media. We also ask that photos at school etc are kept to internal use only.

It's a personal decision. The oldest is now early teens and makes her own choices. We choose not to put photos of our kids into the
Public domain when they are too young to consent.

Google my name and you'll know where I was and what I was doing, often with photos, on any given weekend. I dont like it but can't see a way to avoid it unless you don't ever participate in anything

Unless you are in Towie or some other z list sleb, you're full of it.

I've never posted photos of my DC, or me for that matter, online, and I'm not on Facebook, Instagram, etc. Apart from Granny and a few relatives, I can't imagine who'd be the least bit interested in photos of them. Now they're teenagers, they have the choice to post what they want.

Your FB settings might be secure now, but they can change their privacy policy

They can't suddenly revoke all your choices and make everything public. It would be business suicide and would open them up to all manner of lawsuits under privacy law.

Most people who moan about privacy settings don't use them properly. The biggest thing is tags. If you tag people it defaults to "display to anyone tagged and their friends" if you don't change this you make everything pretty much public.

It's not a 'select' bunch of people. I stopped after a picture of DD was shared by a friend on his completely public page. He uses his Facebook to network his business around the world. So I ended up seeing that complete ransoms in the US had commented on my DDs pic.

It is if your security settings are done properly. No one can "share" (Facebook term) my photos beyond the audience I choose for them.

As for saving a copy to put up on their own Facebook: I can't stop that but I don't have any friends who would do that with my photos, and if anyone did they'd be removed from my friend list.

When I google my name and city the only think linked to me o my name on my school's page - no image and unless you knew I worked there no one could ascertain it was me anyway.

I think people forget that using hashtags means their posts are not private anymore too.

I am constantly baffled as to why people post endless pictures of their children online, though I respect it is their choice it is clear to me that this is a very indulgent act on part of the parents.

We attended a Christmas concert for DD at her nursery (where we have signed a "no consent to photography" form) and were really disappointed to have the entire event ruined by virtually every parent standing up with their iPad/phones etc to film their child. This meant that nobody could actually enjoy the concert as nobody had a clear view of the stage. Within 20 minutes of the concert, our DD was featured in videos posted all over SM by other parents, yet nobody had asked our permission. For this reason alone DD will not be participating next year.

Within 20 minutes of the concert, our DD was featured in videos posted all over SM by other parents,

This I find very thoughtless. Many children need their privacy to be kept intact in order to remain safe.

I think it's hugely invasive. I only put the odd photo up occasionally, maybe 1 or 2 a year if that, its no one else's business and only your closest friends are interested really, instead I produce annual old fashioned photo albums of them for their own use. What they choose to do with that when they are old enough to be decision makers themselves is up to them.

I sometimes write amusing stuff my kids have said/done but I stopped putting pictures up years ago as I feel it's not right when they aren't aware or old enough to understand. I enjoy seeing my friends' pictures but not when it's every single day and they can't just enjoy it without adding it to Facebook. But the thing that really baffles me is how many personal details people are willing to share on social media - when the baby passports were being replaced at age 5 people were actually posting images of their kids' passport photo pages. I know they have privacy settings etc but seriously if someone wanted to kidnap their child they're giving them practically all they need to know where they can be found, what they look like, etc. Maybe an overreaction but for me I'm just not willing to put my kids out there like that.

Within 20 minutes of the concert, our DD was featured in videos posted all over SM by other parents, yet nobody had asked our permission. For this reason alone DD will not be participating next year

That's a different issue - and I agree it's massively inappropriate. My DD's school has a full ban on videoing/photographing concerts.

I never put a pic on FB of another child unless I have their express permission too.

I dont have social media (mumsnet is the only one, and I rarely post). I would never consider putting photos of a child on the internet - they will be there for forever, and lets not forget that Facebook own the rights to any photos you put on there and can use them any place they want without asking your permission first - same as Instagram and Twitter. There is also the very real threat from paedophiles scouring profiles looking for, and sharing, photos of kids. People believe that just because you have a password only your chosen contacts can see the profile this is not true - you dont even have to hack to find photos.
I always request that my friends not put photos of my DC on the internet, although I know one friend still does it so I had to ask her about 4 times - why cant people just respect my and my DH decision?!

Hello

Looks like you are having an interesting discussion about sharing photos of your children online.

I'm carrying out some research as part of my Psychology MSc about this topic in terms of how online photo sharing behaviour relates to personality.
I would appreciate it if you could complete it.

Here is the link

uelpsych.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_etH9qLPA1nYTXGl

Many thanks

Charlotte

coconut
Just saw your post... firstly don't be such a dick.
Secondly.... I will do anything to protect my children.... your naivety implies you have never been to any safe guarding courses... spoken with anyone from child protection or social services. I also hope it means you have never encountered a sexually abused child/ sexual abuser or a parent of either. Well I have and it's horrendous and life changing and simple things like social media are gold for these creeps. So if by being over cautious protects just one child then I'll be a bit happier. But I don't want some creep looking at my children... I don't want those beautiful faces saved for later on their computers. My children are not my property but it's my duty to do all can to keep them safe.
One more things not all your friends and family (who view your pictures) will be exactly who you believe they are... take it from someone who knows!!

I don't use social media (apart from mumsnet) but no, I wouldn't put pictures of my kids up if I did.

CHCowen your research sounds fascinating!

I don't post about my kids for all of the reasons above, but mainly I dont want them to become narcissistic fools. However! Sometimes I wonder if they'll be disappointed that I didn't "bother" when they're old enough to care?

I very rarely post pictures of my kids, maybe 5 over the past 10 years.

I'm involved in a hobby where it's quite common to post pictures online and some members get quite upset that others don't want their photos online.

I don't want my photos published and I would be a hypocrite if I did the same with my children before they are old enough to make the choice for themselves.

I'm trying to teach them about having respect for others and they should never post anything without permission.

I realise that I am quite old fashioned about privacy and it could be because I was stalked pre social media. I've also worked in the data industry so I'm perhaps a little more cautious than most.

I have a niece who grew up with mum putting photos online and now I see all her duck face (and her friends) photos and the pleas for likes. I don't really want my kids to grow up seeking validation like that.