Aibu - photos of children on kids on social media

[ThisAintALoveSong]

Hope the title of the thread isn't too alarming, just not sure how to word it.

I'm guilty of posting pics of my young kids on social media, I can't think of a parent I know who doesn't. Does it ever occur to the parent that one day the kid will grow up, find the photos online of them with food all over their faces/mud in their hair/their first day at school or whatever it might be and be embarrassed? Or feel like their privacy was invaded in some way?

I post things like when my youngest was being weaned onto solids and had food all over his face - I found it amusing and cute and yet it was a big milestone in his life. Or when we've had day trips out or holidays, that sort of thing. Some people I know will post photos to show their kids are poorly etc. I don't tend to photograph kids when they are ill, it just wouldn't occur to me to do that.

Just wondered whether anyone has had a child grow up to say 'mum that pic of me you put up when I was 5 years old eating mud (or whatever) is really embarrassing' - social media has played a big part in people's lives in the last decade so it could have happened.

I'm not looking to judge anyone here or be judged. It's only just occurred to me how my kids might feel when they get older. (Also I was going through old Kodak photos of me and my family from the early 90s and I'd be pretty embarrassed at some of them if they were plastered online. I'd probably still find it highly amusing though)

I could scrap book, but I don't have lots of space to store years worth. I document lots.

I guess I'll need to have a conversation with her at some point and take it from there.

My settings are high so unless I was friends with her friends they wouldn't see it.

I understand people not wanting to and respect that.

Sonyaya Here are a few things worth considering:

Children have far more raised anxiety and self esteem issues. They can't switch off from social media it just continues. Their parents send them the message how important their "image/looks" are - as it is reaffirmed by the way their parents post all these pictures. Children in turn are becoming anxious over appearing to be pretty/perfect and this has effectively been taught to them by their own parents.

By the time a child is 5 it is estimated on average up to 1000 are posted online. You could argue parents are also putting pressure on children to get the "perfect" photo - always performing for parents.

Facebook is 14 years old - lots of teenagers are now saying they feel their parents overshared. Your goddaughter is a baby but she is a person and she too will have her own views.

I don't post my son, never have or will. It's his image, his choice. Once those images are posted you just don't own them. I feel it puts me in a stronger position when he becomes a teenager when negotiating social media as I won't have posted his image and he can't accuse me of being a hypocrite.

Most importantly , Thousands of these innocent images are being used by paedophiles as they are public property.

See this article to explain.
Quote the article " Images were often catalogued in 'themes' such as "kids at beach", "nice boys play in river" or "gymnasts", alongside comments that explicitly sexualised the material."
Very very unpleasant.
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/australasia/paedophile-websites-steal-half-their-photos-from-social-media-sites-like-facebook-a6673191.htmll_

Sonyaya no offence but the evidence is there. It's about digging a little deeper than just seeing it as "cute pics" - I would be annoyed if my parents had facebooked me. How can you be certain what your goddaughter feels? You just can't. There are bigger and more serious issues coming to light.

Look at previous generations - embarrassed when parent spill out the family albums!

These photos are your memories - they aren't the children's memories or anyone else's

They are days or moments you remember.

How would you fell if someone you loved bombarded the internet with your picture? What if it went viral?

What if it was awful or not the person you wanted to be portrayed as?

Popped back on for a pregsomnia browse... to save scrolling, we're currently thinking about this issue in preparation for our first child being born.

Leaning towards social media black-out at the moment.

YES it's a 'tad controlling'. YES there is no way of stopping it entirely, and it is 'how we live our lives now'

Other things we will eventually and inevitably fail to control:

What our child eats
The position in which our newborn sleeps
The language our child is exposed to
Who our child is exposed to in real life
What our child is exposed to in the media
Bedtimes
Behaviour
What my MIL wants to dress it in

Doesn't mean we aren't going to try.

mainlywingingit

No offence taken but I find it a bit ridiculous to say I don't know how an 18 month old feels. I doubt she feels anything about it. I hope she will grow up to be emotionally better adjusted than to think people seeing a photo of her as a baby online is worth getting upset about.

Thank you for taking the time to explain what you perceive the harm to be. I am unpersuaded and think the judgment of parents who make the choice to share is baffling. I really do. My FB friends (who aren't irresponsible idiots, they teach children, operate on people, present cases in court - even hear cases in court and pass sentence etc, and quite a few of them actually work in child protection, as indeed I used to albeit the legal side) all save 4 or 5 share pictures. I am honestly stunned at the responses on this thread.

Also although FB is 14 years old it did not really support photos straight away and was initially only open to specific Universities. It became available to Oxford in 2004 or 2005 and most other unis a bit later. I doubt your anecdotal 'evidence' about the teenagers already growing up to be embarrassed is worth much. The teenagers I know are very online savvy and think nothing of being on social media - if anything the problem is the reverse that they are too into being online.

If you would be annoyed your parents Facebooked you then I'm sorry you don't like the choices your parents made for you but there are plenty of parenting decisions parents make for their children, not all of which that future child will like.

I think if anyone has capacity to give a shit that people saw photos of them as a baby online which might still be there if someone wants to search back 10 years of Facebook posts for it then I'm pleased for that person they don't have any real problems in life.

The security issue is a better point than the invasion of privacy one but the article itself acknowledges that some parents don't lock their account and that is the problem. Lock your account and this won't happen.

In the unlikely event someone's account is hacked, well Tinybeans and other 'private' baby photo sites can be hacked, if someone has iCloud or another online back up that can be hacked. Phones with photos on can be stolen. Email can be hacked. Whatsapp could be hacked. If you restrict your privacy, FB is a pretty safe way to share photos.

We are living in a digital world and that is the world today's children are growing up in. I really believe people are making this into more than it is - you don't want to share pics that's fine. Your children your decision. Let other parents make their own decision.

For the PPs of the "meh, what's the big deal?" persuasion, you really ought to educate yourselves on the basics of ethics, the notion that each individual has a human right to full informed consent, and sorry but you don't get to choose or judge whether they find an image of themselves embarrassing or not.

You don't live in their skin and your threshold for shame/embarrassment/ feelings of exposure (or not) are very different to everyone else's, because we are all individuals, with our own sensitivities, insecurities and preferences.

The ignorance and arrogance of people who refuse to 'get it' is disturbing, That's why we're in this mess. It's a ticking time bomb for the future.

We are living in a digital world and that is the world today's children are growing up in

Its because we live in a digital world, that ethics should be even more important, so that people's individual rights for a private life are given priority.

Back in the day, photos of a baby sitting on the potty or running naked under the sprinkler in the garden were seen to be funny and cute. It was culturally acceptable. The différence now is how easy it is to share images compared to 1 photo in an album in someone's home Facebook isn't the only social media platform, there are loads of ways to share images.

Saying people born today are "used to it" is, in MN vernacular spectacularly missing the point

sonyaya

The teenagers I know are very online savvy and think nothing of being on social media

Confirmation bias at its best.

"I hope she will grow up to be emotionally better adjusted than to think people seeing a photo of her as a baby online is worth getting upset about." our dd will hopefully be very confident and well adjusted. However, how will she feel if a stalker or someone who has bad intentions against her (hopefully will never happen) gets hold of intimate and personal moments of her life growing up? Or a vindictive ex? It's your child's personhood but you are the one controlling its public image for all times to come (in terms of her childhood photos and anecdotes). I'd post but I wouldn't provide running commentary. I's interesting that FB is mostly used now by 35+ posting pictures of their dc.

"Saying people born today are "used to it" is, in MN vernacular spectacularly missing the point"
^Agreed.

• our 'your'

I totally get the non picture posting opinion though do post the odd nice pic myself. I joined fb very late for business reasons only. Wow its so easy to get sucked in even as a sceptical adult.

Read The Circle by Dave eggars. It takes Facebook to its logical conclusion- we all wear necklaces live streaming every interaction onto the Internet. Privacy is theft.

The teenagers I know are very online savvy and think nothing of being on social media

I can confirm that a variety of DD friends have posted very personal pictures of themselves - probably because their parents overshare and it's 'normal'

These photos spread like wildfire at school.

On photo I know of passed to the other side of the world! And a few countries in between!!

Probably reposted 100's of times

Some children had their phones taken by the police to trace the first exposure - once it's been shared a hundred times the police have very little they candi about it.

By all means have Holden confident to share - but if you share why can't they?

Dd is a teen so posts her own images. These days I do check with her if she's happy for me to post or share images and I have always checked since she was old enough to ask. But re younger photos - she loves to look back over her old baby and toddler photos and videos and has no embarrassment over why I may have shared or indeed any we have on photo books etc.

My kids are 21, 19, and 15 and they don't care at all. The only thing that bothers them is something that could be seen as brag, which they would object to strongly and think is annoying and tasteless. There are loads of silly pictures on line and my children think absolutely nothing of it.

The only thing that bothers them is something that could be seen as brag, which they would object to strongly and think is annoying and tasteless

Very wise teens! Many adults don't 'get' this!! Brilliant!

I've posted very few photos of my dc's over the years on fb purely for the reasons you are reflecting on OP. Just because they're little it doesn't give us the moral right as parents to splash their images everywhere. I don't like it if people post old school photos of me, so why would I have a different set of rules for my dcs?

I've shared even less as they've got older and if I do put something on, I ask them first (they're 9 and 10). I think we've lost our barometers for privacy and respect. It brings to mind parents who post pictures of their children in ambulances/hospital etc- ridiculous.

They showed you how easy it is - due to location services - to pin point where photos have been taken - thus makes children easy to trace

Again this is so easy to avoid if you use the privacy settings properly.

My DD is 10. I post a few pics of her online. Nothing embarrassing. I ask her whether she minds if I post them.

My dcs are 27/26/18/17 and couldn't give a toss about pictures we posted of them as little ones on FB. We didn't brag or post any embarrassing ones either.

I think some posts are bordering on hysterical actually.

ironically one of my teens friends did send a naked picture of herself to a boy which was shared. Her parents had been militant banning of family posting her photos from birth and really hadnt taught her internet safety and she was immature.

Banning things usually backfires with kids as thry get older educating them works better.

How is not doing something - banking that activity

We don't go skiing - but it isn't banned??

I post pics of my kids on Facebook. They don't appear to mind - I have in the past posted pics of all three of them together in the bath or my youngest after getting muddy in the garden. They are ordinary, childhood photos. It's ridiculous to think that they will come back to haunt them in a job interview 20 years in the future - especially as the children don't have their own accounts and are not tagged in the photos, any prospective employer would have to know they are my child to do the search.

It's far more damaging for the young person themselves to have a social media account without many privacy settnigs, and spend their time posting pouty selfies, or liking or retweeting things by Britain First, or posts about getting drunk/high, or just generally giving the impression that they are shallow, unreliable and a party animal.

A photo of a child enjoying a day out at hte park or eating their birthday cake isn't comparable AT ALL.

This

I don't post pics of my dc and never have.
I respect their privacy.
I feel sorry for dc whose lives have been made public without their consent or knowledge.

I am really surprised by the level of naivety shown on this thread.

The internet is forever - you cannot take back something once it is there and all security is fallible.

The act of putting something on facebook is the act of giving facebook ownership - so any photo you post is the property of Zuckerberg and he is extremely open about the fact that the site is designed to remove the concept of privacy in order to gather information to make money.

Facebook bought Whatsapp to profit from the trust built among users as a 'secure' platform. MySpace was bought by another company some time ago for the same reason - to mine data and sell it.

Amazon wants to see your passport or will lock your seller account. Facebook wants your driver's license, mobile number etc or will lock you out of your account under the guise of 'security'. People have been very quickly flattered and conditioned to treat information 'sharing' as a popularity contest for maximum profit and when they are dependent on an application like facebook as a tool for databasing their life and memories then they are all to easily held to ransom for further information.

If a stranger knocked at your door and asked for a copy of your passport would you give them it? How about some family photos just for safe keeping?

Targeted marketing is a growing industry but so is identity theft. If this all seems not especially relevant to you then consider how you would feel if your child's photo was on a bus stop advertising acne cream or worse without permission or payment? Security settings are a bluff to remove ownership rights. If you are not entirely impressed by famous people making their children into brands then don't post pictures of your own children online!

in a nutshell

fucksSake

Thanks for educating us all there. nope not naive just pragmatic and able to use technology as safely as humanly possible to enjoy using it and have taught my kids to do the same.

For the PPs of the "meh, what's the big deal?" persuasion, you really ought to educate yourselves on the basics of ethics, the notion that each individual has a human right to full informed consent, and sorry but you don't get to choose or judge whether they find an image of themselves embarrassing or not.

You sound hysterical frankly. And I suspect you're not a human rights lawyer from the sounds of it.

The main reason I use social media is to keep family and a few close friends up to date with how ds is growing and how I am. Because it's so much easier than remembering to send picture messages over whatsapp to 5 different people and then there are the relatives that don't have whatsapp so they miss out. It's much easier to just upload a picture where they can all see it.
My profile is very private so only friends can see, and I'm very careful what I post. Nothing that will identify where I live etc. But I have my own reasons for that.