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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu - photos of children on kids on social media

295 replies

ThisAintALoveSong · 14/04/2017 23:02

Hope the title of the thread isn't too alarming, just not sure how to word it.

I'm guilty of posting pics of my young kids on social media, I can't think of a parent I know who doesn't. Does it ever occur to the parent that one day the kid will grow up, find the photos online of them with food all over their faces/mud in their hair/their first day at school or whatever it might be and be embarrassed? Or feel like their privacy was invaded in some way?

I post things like when my youngest was being weaned onto solids and had food all over his face - I found it amusing and cute and yet it was a big milestone in his life. Or when we've had day trips out or holidays, that sort of thing. Some people I know will post photos to show their kids are poorly etc. I don't tend to photograph kids when they are ill, it just wouldn't occur to me to do that.

Just wondered whether anyone has had a child grow up to say 'mum that pic of me you put up when I was 5 years old eating mud (or whatever) is really embarrassing' - social media has played a big part in people's lives in the last decade so it could have happened.

I'm not looking to judge anyone here or be judged. It's only just occurred to me how my kids might feel when they get older. (Also I was going through old Kodak photos of me and my family from the early 90s and I'd be pretty embarrassed at some of them if they were plastered online. I'd probably still find it highly amusing though)

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 15/04/2017 00:52

Oh come on sonya

If you want to show someone how your kid is getting on, a pic once every few months in a text is no hassle.

None of this sort of thing is done with the child in mind. It's all about making the parents feel good.

Which I don't think is fair at someone else's expense.

And anyway, who are we do decided what's 'not embarrassing' when it comes to photos of other people?

That's up to them to decide.

WorraLiberty · 15/04/2017 00:54

I'll judge anyone who needs to post a photo of someone else to boost their own self-esteem/ego.

The fact those people are their own children, just makes it worse imo Confused

sonyaya · 15/04/2017 00:56

I think worra we will just have to agree to disagree because while I totally get a parent shouldn't do anything at their child's 'expense', I am yet to have the harm which this might cause to said child explained. I see none.

I am honestly surprised anyone could see this as an issue that I wonder if we are talking at cross purposes. I am talking about nice photos of young children which parents share on social media.

I have no kids. I have no skin in this game and no actions of my own which I am seeking to justify.

WorraLiberty · 15/04/2017 01:00

I think we'll see one way or the other when today's kids become adults.

It'll be interesting to see whether they do the same to their kids, or whether they'll see it as a violation of privacy.

Of course it might work out 50/50, who knows?

sonyaya · 15/04/2017 01:03

Indeed, time will tell.

GreatFuckability · 15/04/2017 01:05

my children know i post their pictures on facebook, and share funny stories. they aren't bothered in the least bit. I don't really see why they would be. i've told them if they don't like it, i won't. but they are happy enough. I'm failing to see the harm tbh. people share funny stories among their friends and family don't they? I don't see this any differently.

Wiredforsound · 15/04/2017 01:22

I'm only friends with people I know in real life and I'm comfortable posting pics of sporting / dance activities which are in the public arena anyway, and for things like dress up day as school. Now they're a bit older (9 and 11) I ask permission before posting pics and would never post anything embarrassing or humiliating. I have high privacy settings, not huge numbers of friends, and the photos reflect them growing up. I also have a limit on how far back the posts can be viewed - a month - max.

BeIIatrixLeStrange · 15/04/2017 01:50

I know someone who has a picture of her five year old in a swim suit as a profile picture - public settings. Obviously nothing wrong with that in an innocent world, but it is NOT an innocent world, but I would never ever in a million years put a photo of my kid out there on the off chance a peado would see it

pushingthroughcracks · 15/04/2017 01:52

I visited a house yesterday in a work capacity where the hallway was adorned with photographs of now-adult children naked.

I did wonder whether they were happy about this!

DoorwayToNorway · 15/04/2017 02:53

My son is 14. I've had a FB account since 2007 or something like that. I post pictures for a few weeks, then I make them private. He quite likes looking back through old pictures, but he also likes the fact that none of the pictures are available to everyone on my FB. That's the best of both worlds.

DoveBlue · 15/04/2017 04:16

When I was pregnant myself and DH had a facebook purge so it was just people we actually know & like as friends. We have v.high security settings. I will post some things that include my kids but i am careful what it is. I have a secret group on fb with some family members where i do post loads of photos and happily overshare as those people want to see photos and stories. I assume most other people aren't that interested in mini Dove playing with jelly etc.

LouKout · 15/04/2017 04:20

Sutely the idea is that people have their actual friends as FB friends?

In which csse its just like showing your friends photos,in ye olden days

LouKout · 15/04/2017 04:22

Also..a "paedo' seeing a clothed photo isn't super harmful to a child.

summerfling · 15/04/2017 04:23

My child has not had his picture posted on social media.

I do not want him paraded online.

I also don't want pictures of him to fall into the wrong hands.

KayTee87 · 15/04/2017 04:41

I only post on a private group page with invited members and strictly no Bath / naked pictures.

TheSkyAtNight · 15/04/2017 05:03

I work with teenagers. They say their parents over share about them online & will not listen to how it makes them feel.

FB settings are not secure - people can see what their friends have liked/commented in, so the audience is wider than your friend list.

CEOP see many cases every year of FB used to select, identify & find child victims.

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/04/2017 05:06

I only have one picture of dd. It is with me and she's sitting with a coat on in a pram at 6 months old. I realised after that I didn't want her paraded online. But I don't really do Facebook. Dd used to ask me to put pictures of her when she was 6/7 as her friend does it. Maybe I will when she is older. But right now at 8 going on 9, I don't find it very appropriate.

Mislou · 15/04/2017 05:18

I live overseas so post pics of my DC so friends and family in the UK can see . (because I 'm so bad at keeping in touch because of the time difference. )

I assumed only my friends and family could see the photos because I always select friends only. Are people saying they go out into the public despite this ?

If so I guess there's the option of deleting a photo after a week? Would that work?

nooka · 15/04/2017 05:31

I haven't posted any pictures of my children for a long time because they are teenagers and can post their own pictures if they want to. I have posted nice photos of them in the past mainly for family members and a few friends. As my account is locked down I don't really see how anyone could easily get hold of the pictures, or really why they would want to. Neither show up on a google search so it would take some digging. Nor do I understand why posting some family pictures has anything to do with my ego. If I see a nice baby photo of one of my relatives I just think nice picture, x looks cute etc. It's not really a big deal is it? I can't think of any pictures I've seen that I thought might cause an issue.

Where I think it's right to be concerned is people who blog at length about their children, to the whole world and with no anonymization. That's sharing a whole bunch of private stuff, even worse when it's monetised so likely half the stories are exaggerated or invented in order to bring in the numbers/advertising revenue.

LouKout · 15/04/2017 05:52

FB settings are not secure - people can see what their friends have liked/commented in, so the audience is wider than your friend list.

You can adjust your settings. Noone except my friends see any of my posts, ever.

You only see what friends comment in if that post is public or friends of friends

LouKout · 15/04/2017 05:53

Mislou they don't go public

LouKout · 15/04/2017 05:56

You cant stop people seeing what you post om a public post but you can set your own posts to be friends only so noone sees them.

catx1606 · 15/04/2017 06:11

I did some facebook training a lttle while ago when I was running my own business and they wanted to show us the problems you can get with using social media. The rule was that if you wouldn't post a picture on the front of your house for all to see then you wouldn't want it posted on social media. I have a little boy and you won't find one photo of him on my Facebook page because that is a choice he should make as he gets older. People talk about their security settings being set to private etc but what happens if your account gets hacked? I was about one dad on line whose account was hacked and he lost access to more than 350 photos of his children that he had posted. Once his account was hacked, those photos fell into the wrong hands and there was nothing he could do about it. That to me is terrifying. If a family member wants to see a picture of my son, I send it by text or email.

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