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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu - photos of children on kids on social media

295 replies

ThisAintALoveSong · 14/04/2017 23:02

Hope the title of the thread isn't too alarming, just not sure how to word it.

I'm guilty of posting pics of my young kids on social media, I can't think of a parent I know who doesn't. Does it ever occur to the parent that one day the kid will grow up, find the photos online of them with food all over their faces/mud in their hair/their first day at school or whatever it might be and be embarrassed? Or feel like their privacy was invaded in some way?

I post things like when my youngest was being weaned onto solids and had food all over his face - I found it amusing and cute and yet it was a big milestone in his life. Or when we've had day trips out or holidays, that sort of thing. Some people I know will post photos to show their kids are poorly etc. I don't tend to photograph kids when they are ill, it just wouldn't occur to me to do that.

Just wondered whether anyone has had a child grow up to say 'mum that pic of me you put up when I was 5 years old eating mud (or whatever) is really embarrassing' - social media has played a big part in people's lives in the last decade so it could have happened.

I'm not looking to judge anyone here or be judged. It's only just occurred to me how my kids might feel when they get older. (Also I was going through old Kodak photos of me and my family from the early 90s and I'd be pretty embarrassed at some of them if they were plastered online. I'd probably still find it highly amusing though)

OP posts:
Carriecakes80 · 16/04/2017 18:12

I've been posting onli ne (with my settings set to friends only) since 2006, and my eldest is now almost 19, he's not bothered at all as long as I don't tag him in them!
lol I always give my kids the last say so if a picture is to go up, but I think its a sign of the times, this is how kids communicate, with pictures, and unless you're leaving your account to be viewed by all and you're constantly posting everything, I don't see it as a problem. Then again nothing personal goes up really, the odd Easter hunt, Christmas with the pressies...but I guess it'll be different for all. x

Daydream007 · 16/04/2017 18:23

I don't post any pictures of my children on social media. I respect their privacy.

Paddi · 16/04/2017 18:35

If I have a funny or sweet picture I check with my daughter if it's OK to share it - most of my friends on FB are people I know well or family. Generally she says no way unless she's happy with it. She's only 5 but I think it's fair she has control over her image. I've left it up to her for about 2 years now. Funny thing is I have a lot of people ask why I don't share much anymore. They look at me like I've grown a second head Confused

123yourusername · 16/04/2017 18:48

I do post some photos and don't see a problem. I do however cringe at the almost naked kids pictures staring to appear on social media this time of year, I find them inappropriate for social media, especially if not in a private album.

WyfOfBathe · 16/04/2017 19:33

each individual has a human right to full informed consent

That's not really true for children, is it? I don't ask my 3 month old whether she consents to being put in the pram, I don't ask my 5 year old if she consents to going to bed at bedtime.

Astro55 · 16/04/2017 20:15

I don't ask my 5 year old if she consents to going to bed at bedtime

Bet you know about it if she doesnt!!

bugattiveyron · 16/04/2017 21:04

I don't ask my 5 year old if she consents to going to bed at bedtime.

But that is for her well being whereas having pictures on social media doesn't have anything to do with her well being, it's all so parents can show off their children.

Strongmummy · 16/04/2017 21:06

I don't post photos of my son on social media. I honestly think it's odd to do it although I know I'm in the minority. My reluctance stems from the fact that my son is adopted and I am concerned about his birth family somehow seeing him, but regardless of that I truly believe it's an invasion of their privacy. I also hate the show "The Secret Life of x year olds" for the same reason

Tls106 · 16/04/2017 21:10

I don't do Facebook. I can hear you all gasp in horror. I know I am very much in the minority and often feel pressured to be on Facebook etc. But what I think people are just beginning to realise is how dodgy it is giving away so much information. Not to mention that once you post that photo it isn't yours anymore and anyone can take it and do what they want with it.

I respect my kids too much to not let them make their own decisions on what they share about their life once they are old enough to do so. So I haven't ever followed the sheep...

I get slightly (very Angry) pissed off when another parent sits there filming at a play place etc then posts it too. Get your own kid in shot not all of them. It's not that hard.

Hit a nerve? Yep!

FruitCider · 16/04/2017 21:12

My social media is extremely locked down, and anyone that isn't a very close friend is on a restricted profile, meaning they can barely see anything. If I don't trust them to look after my child, and see these moments for themselves, they don't see the photos!

FruitCider · 16/04/2017 21:15

I know someone who has a picture of her five year old in a swim suit as a profile picture - public settings. Obviously nothing wrong with that in an innocent world, but it is NOT an innocent world, but I would never ever in a million years put a photo of my kid out there on the off chance a peado would see

It's not an off chance. Paedophillia is much more rife than we think, with 5% of all children experiencing sexual abuse.

FruitCider · 16/04/2017 21:17

I only post on a private group page with invited members and strictly no Bath / naked pictures.

Oh god, please don't be that parent. No one appreciates the groups but never leave for fear of offending the parent. It's a bit precious...

oblada · 16/04/2017 21:38

I'm mostly on Facebook to keep in touch with friends and family abroad (and nowadays also for school/nursery and local events). I do post some pics of my children as again I'm trying to keep in touch with friends and family abroad and they like to see pictures of the kids etc. My 5yrs old is delighted whenever she sees a pic of her on my profile. I genuinely cannot imagine she would find it remotely embarrassing. I cannot imagine finding any of my old pic as a child embarrassing. Or indeed being that bothered by any pic of myself. I have seen some pretty shit pictures of me (not kiddie ones tho, much more recent sadly) put on fb by others and yes maybe part of me wishes I didn't look that crap on them but embarrassed? Not really. Why would I be embarrassed or ashamed? Everyone has to deal with crap pics of themselve it's just life, we need to rise above it surely...
I wouldn't put pics of my kids naked or semi-naked simply because it wouldn't be appropriate, not because I live in 'paedo-fear' (what a sad life that would be!! Yes there are some bad ppl out there and it's right to recognise that but no way would I change the way I act/dress/dress my kids etc just because of that! Most abuse are v close to home anyway).

Littleraincloud · 16/04/2017 21:47

Interesting that the people who don't share seem to be the ones who feel they have to explain themselves although it is actually the sharers who are actively doing something and making the choice to post pictures. I don't share photos of my children as I have never wanted to, it was not supposed to be an active choice until I was badgered into doing so by family who incidentally live locally as "everybody else is doing it"it just makes it easier for them to feel involved with zero effort. This irritated me and so I did make an active decision not to post!

Astro55 · 16/04/2017 22:10

it's all so parents can show off their children

I agree with this - son people think everyone is sooooo interested in their children and post every detail. It feels wrong in so many ways.

I know things about these children that I shouldn't know, my kids know things about others that they shouldn't know, and you can't take it back. You can't hide it.

These things will bite them on the bum eventually - but it won't be thenparwnts dealing with it - it will be the children

MooCahnt · 16/04/2017 22:28

Another one who never has and never will post pictures of my children. No-one else is allowed to either. Their right to privacy is very important to me, they can do what they like at an appropriate age. I think people are extremely naive and short sighted about sharing pictures. I find it astounding what people put out there. Privacy settings are absolutely laughable. I've been an IT professional for many years.

Garofbalaxy · 16/04/2017 22:30

But aren't we missing the point really? You are assuming that our children will be embarrassed in the same way we would be, however our children will not know a life without social media. Sharing everything online is the norm for them, from a very young age. My son's first picture to be published online was his birth photo on the local newspaper's website. An online presence is unavoidable in this day and age.

Reebs123 · 16/04/2017 23:09

I don't post my kids pics online as I've read an article that said paedophiles can steal the pics & share with other offenders. I was so pissed off when sum1 posted my newborns pic on FB within hours of her being born. She didn't even ask. I made her take it down.

Maggiemoomoo17 · 16/04/2017 23:36

I don't have an issue with posting pics of my children and keep them private as I wouldn't want strangers seeing them. Some people continuously share pictures of their children on competition posts on Facebook and so many people can see those.

NabobsFromNobHill · 16/04/2017 23:37

No-one else is allowed to either

You can't do anything about it. People can post whatever photos they want, nothing to do with you.

Astro55 · 16/04/2017 23:39

You are assuming that our children will be embarrassed in the same way we would be

You're assuming they won't be - why risk it?

sticklebrix · 17/04/2017 00:04

People just seem to see privacy differently. I suppose I see my DC's privacy as a bit like their health. I'm responsible for protecting it, but it's not mine to give away IYSWIM.

Our choices now might have repercussions for them in the future that we can't foresee at the moment. They might not want every employer, future inlaws, uni admissions officer etc. to see their childhood photos.

Other people see giving up their child's privacy as a necessary part of integrating the child into their social group. I disagree but it's none of my business!

Willyoujustbequiet · 17/04/2017 02:37

Meh I really don't see it as a big deal and think there is a bit of pearl clutching going on.

I post pics to fb. Nothing public but I accept that I can't stop others screen shots I only post nice pictures. Its a method of communicating with friends nothing more.

The school puts stuff online. As do clubs etc... with the best will in the world we can't stop it. My dc wont care when they are older.

Batghee · 17/04/2017 02:41

It will never be a big deal unless there is a major divide in values between you and your children.
In most cases the children will grow up with similar values so if you dont like fb photos and think they are intrusive then your children may feel that way too, but if you constantly post pics and see no probs with that then your children will probably grow up with that outlook.

IMO social media is just part of life now. Its only strange to our generation because its new. It wont be new to our children, they will be very very used to it.

frazzlebedazzle · 17/04/2017 06:33

I think the using it as as a way to 'integrate the child into your social group' and it making it easier for family/friends 'to feel involved with zero effort' are both interesting points.

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