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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu - photos of children on kids on social media

295 replies

ThisAintALoveSong · 14/04/2017 23:02

Hope the title of the thread isn't too alarming, just not sure how to word it.

I'm guilty of posting pics of my young kids on social media, I can't think of a parent I know who doesn't. Does it ever occur to the parent that one day the kid will grow up, find the photos online of them with food all over their faces/mud in their hair/their first day at school or whatever it might be and be embarrassed? Or feel like their privacy was invaded in some way?

I post things like when my youngest was being weaned onto solids and had food all over his face - I found it amusing and cute and yet it was a big milestone in his life. Or when we've had day trips out or holidays, that sort of thing. Some people I know will post photos to show their kids are poorly etc. I don't tend to photograph kids when they are ill, it just wouldn't occur to me to do that.

Just wondered whether anyone has had a child grow up to say 'mum that pic of me you put up when I was 5 years old eating mud (or whatever) is really embarrassing' - social media has played a big part in people's lives in the last decade so it could have happened.

I'm not looking to judge anyone here or be judged. It's only just occurred to me how my kids might feel when they get older. (Also I was going through old Kodak photos of me and my family from the early 90s and I'd be pretty embarrassed at some of them if they were plastered online. I'd probably still find it highly amusing though)

OP posts:
ElspethFlashman · 15/04/2017 08:13

But she wasn't always this bad. I think she's become desensitised as the last 3 years have passed. She was always prolific, but this year it's now sickness stuff and even videos of him now.

I suppose if she came on here right now, I'm trying to imagine what her reaction would be. And it'd be the same as the other people, just rolling eyes at how people are overreacting. How her tween puts up pics every day so what's the difference?

busbymyhouse · 15/04/2017 08:19

OP YANBU.

I started using FB much later than my peers as I thought I should try it so that I am not completely clueless when my dc use social media. I shared some pictures of DC but have deleted a few since and will not upload any more apart from the occasional family picture. I wouldn't like it at all if my childhood had been documented publicly.

My DS shared pictures of her baby being briefly quite ill on FB with her husband looking super tired and there were pictures of the poorly baby connected to all sorts of medical equipment. The posts contain details about his symptoms including that he was sick everywhere. I understand it is to get sympathy when going through a challenging experience but it's too much and over sharing imo.

The showing off of piles of food, gifts, new cars etc is just crass. Not for me.

paddypants13 · 15/04/2017 08:21

I do post pictures of the children but never when they are ill, naked or on the toilet (I have seen people post all of those things). I am careful with what I say about them as well, I don't post stuff about dd having a toilet accident for example.

busbymyhouse · 15/04/2017 08:23

x-pst with elspeth. Sharing endless pictures of sick children suffering from common childhood diseases is very common in my extended family and beyond. It's to get sympathy but it's so superficial.

robinia · 15/04/2017 08:26

I post occasionally. But I wouldn't describe them as public because my security settings are set. And I only have family and friends on there.
I don't allow people to tag me without my approval and I don't tag my children without getting their permission first.

Headofthehive55 · 15/04/2017 08:28

I post pics of my children. It's easier than email for me. We use a family group and privacy settings. I post rarely and nice days out type of photos. Anyone could have taken them and they are for family that don't see us often.
My DD posts stuff from uni so I can see her competing etc.

Batgirlspants · 15/04/2017 08:29

I think people who are militantly obsessed with no photos of their kids and those who overshare pictures of their child pooing or sick are usually the same types of parents.

Annoying.

DesignedForLife · 15/04/2017 08:33

I post occasional pictures, but always friends only, settings as tight as I can get them, and I periodically go back and delete or make pictures private. I never post undressed photos, toilet training, illness, sleeping kids (newborns yes), or embarrassing photos. Just general day out photos. I can't believe how many people post pictures of their kids on potties and ill. Makes me sad.

Glossolalia · 15/04/2017 08:34

I think people who are militantly obsessed with no photos of their kids

I'm genuinely curious about why you think the above is a problem? Not being hoary, I actually don't understand.

IWishIWasBufffy · 15/04/2017 08:34

I use Instagram and all my photos are anonymous; back of head (e.g. in the park), little hands, feet, outfits with head cropped out. That way I enjoy sharing my memories but feel DD is protected, both from current social media risks and in the future.

If she wants to post photos of herself as a child when she's (much!) older and has social media of her own, that's her choice, but for now I keep her completely anonymous online; if I want to share photos with loved ones I send them via WhatsApp or print them a copy.

I know I would be mortified if some of my childhood photos were lurking online!!

Rattysparklebum · 15/04/2017 08:38

I used to work in a role that brought me into contact with sex offenders with an interest in children, I live in a small town and hated taking my young children into town as I would inevitably see one of these clients and have to leave a shop quickly as the thought of them seeing my children and having thoughts about them made me feel disgusted. These people use images of children they like, if possible children in real life such as next door neighbours kids pics posted on FB and photoshop them onto images they already have of naked children's bodies to fulfill their fantasies. There is no way you will know if people have these fantasies, how often do we see in the news about a trusted teacher or doctor is found with child porn, these people are often parents or grandparents themselves, I choose not to post images on sm as I don't trust it can be entirely safe.

TheDowagerCuntess · 15/04/2017 08:43

I don't disagree with you OP although am not overly anal about it myself.

I do post the odd pic, but only occasionally, and on FB where it's just people I know.

What I find odder - and far more potentially humiliating in the future - are the dreadful mummy bloggers.

That poor offspring of Life As Our Little Family - what is life going to be like for him as a teenager.... 😔

Batgirlspants · 15/04/2017 08:46

gloss I don't have a problem each to their own but the militant 'no photos of my child on the internet ever' are generally hard work in other areas.
Wink

Batgirlspants · 15/04/2017 08:51

iWish but why on earth would you be mortified?

I totally get the embarrassing poo or ill photos that's just ridiculous parenting but photos of your kid on a day out? Why would you care so much unless of course there's a particular safe guarding issue.

Glossolalia · 15/04/2017 08:52

I'd like to think I'm pretty easy going - just hate the thought of DD having an online profile

thethoughtfox · 15/04/2017 08:55

There are stricter privacy laws in France and apparently they believe there will be lawsuits from children about this later in life. There was a segment on the news to some programme about this interviewing UK school children and all said they were uncomfortable and felt embarrassed by it.

thethoughtfox · 15/04/2017 08:55
  • on the news or some programme
Amockingjayhey · 15/04/2017 08:55

There is not a single picture of my DC anywhere online. Nor will there be until they put them there themselves.
We tell all friends and family no pictures that they take are to go online and people respect that.
No permissions are given to nursery or school to post pictures online .

coconuttella · 15/04/2017 08:56

"I think people who are militantly obsessed with no photos of their kids"...I'm genuinely curious about why you think the above is a problem? Not being hoary, I actually don't understand.

I'm guessing because being 'militantly obsessed with no kids in photos' is a sign of control freakery... and control freaks are annoying (amongst other things)

thethoughtfox · 15/04/2017 08:57

I know someone whose pics of their child were taken from FB and used by a stranger on a website. Not anything nefarious but it shows what can happen.

fairiedemon · 15/04/2017 08:57

We don't, and won't, post any pictures of DC publically or through any unencrypted electronic communication. I strongly believe in DCs right to privacy and once photos etc are uploaded into social media they become completely out of your control. I often get accused of all sorts of the foil hat variety but that's how I feel and I think better this way round then regret it later.

Batgirlspants · 15/04/2017 09:00

Exactly coconut

Amockingjayhey · 15/04/2017 09:01

I posted before I'd finished

We arent militant about it. We don't post them and we have made it clear they aren't to go online by others and people respect that. So we don't mention it anymore. And simply no permission slips are signed asking if pictures can be posted. Well they're signed with a no response.

What others do is their business. But personally we feel that an online profile should be created by the individual and we don't have the right to create one for her. I would not like there to be such photos of me online i am intensely private and so i would not like to make that choice for my children.

If they asked me however in future why there are no pictures and they wanted them of course i would let them post whatever they want on their Facebook or whatever the done thing is online. I'd provide the baby pics etc if they felt they were missing out . I'd ensure it was done safely but it would be done at an age where they can understand the risks and make the choice themselves

Fluffy24 · 15/04/2017 09:03

I post some pictures but the privacy settings mean that only friends see them and periodically i go back through them and change the settings for the individual photos to private so that they effectively disappear from FB though i know that they're still there.

As a child I remember the excitement of having your photograph published in the local paper and nobody ever asked permission (pics from a school sports day or a fete or something) and nobody bothered. I'm trying to see the pics that the play group post, which never identify individual children, in the same way!

BeyondThePage · 15/04/2017 09:05

my mum and MIL both take the most ugly pics and post them up - kids crying, eating, pics with their clothes all rucked up or when they are in their rooms with a load of mess around.

They do not think.

Just because you took a pic, it does not have to be shared. The nice pic of the dog - with the kids picking their nose or pulling their knickers straight in the background is NOT suitable for sharing with EVERYBODY on facebook.

That is why parents have rules, that is why I stopped my mum sharing ANY pictures of my kids on facebook. And I don't share any because
a. my kids are people too and deserve a bit of privacy,
b. my mum would use it as a comeback when I tell her not to post.

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