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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu - photos of children on kids on social media

295 replies

ThisAintALoveSong · 14/04/2017 23:02

Hope the title of the thread isn't too alarming, just not sure how to word it.

I'm guilty of posting pics of my young kids on social media, I can't think of a parent I know who doesn't. Does it ever occur to the parent that one day the kid will grow up, find the photos online of them with food all over their faces/mud in their hair/their first day at school or whatever it might be and be embarrassed? Or feel like their privacy was invaded in some way?

I post things like when my youngest was being weaned onto solids and had food all over his face - I found it amusing and cute and yet it was a big milestone in his life. Or when we've had day trips out or holidays, that sort of thing. Some people I know will post photos to show their kids are poorly etc. I don't tend to photograph kids when they are ill, it just wouldn't occur to me to do that.

Just wondered whether anyone has had a child grow up to say 'mum that pic of me you put up when I was 5 years old eating mud (or whatever) is really embarrassing' - social media has played a big part in people's lives in the last decade so it could have happened.

I'm not looking to judge anyone here or be judged. It's only just occurred to me how my kids might feel when they get older. (Also I was going through old Kodak photos of me and my family from the early 90s and I'd be pretty embarrassed at some of them if they were plastered online. I'd probably still find it highly amusing though)

OP posts:

LouKout · 15/04/2017 06:26

No-one can harm your child with a clothed photo of them.

LouKout · 15/04/2017 06:26

Indeed I don't see the harm in a photo on house either.

Sylvannas · 15/04/2017 06:28

The terms and conditions in Facebook mean that (however you set your settings) any pictures you put on Facebook become the property of Facebook. Those statuses that people put up "I do not give Facebook rights over my content" are complete bollocks!
Putting pictures of my 6 month old DS on there doesn't sit well for me. For many reasons including some of the things other posters have said.
I share pictures all the time on our family what's app group. The people I want to share pics with, receive them. DS can create his own account when he's old enough.

LouKout · 15/04/2017 06:28

Can understand people's concerns about the children's wishes, but not paedophile hysteria

SkafaceClaw · 15/04/2017 06:37

We use Lifecake for our family and close friends. Fab app!

Find it really disturbing that people plaster their kids all over the internet. You never know where the picture could end up or how they may feel later down the line.

Why do their lives have to be played out on Facebook etc? My dc can put up image when they understand the magnitude of social media.

Bifflepants · 15/04/2017 06:43

My children were 10 and 6 when I joined fb, and I have posted pictures of them since then. They are now 20 and 16. I have always been careful with security settings and privacy settings. Since they hit teens, I have never posted a picture without their approval first. They both ask me not to tag them in pictures quite frequently, so it does not show on their walls. I never posted embarrassing pictures of them, and I did not post loads of pictures, as this would bore people, even friends. They are both happy with what I have posted on their behalf and continue to let me post about them. It has never been an issue.

honeycheeerios · 15/04/2017 06:44

If anyone wants to share photos of their children that's fine, it's a sign of the time they were born and grew up, social media. In turn, if parents don't want to share photos, that's fine too.

As long as the pictures are not in any way inappropriate for being online, I don't see the issue. Bath time/naked/on potty or toilet should not be shared for example.

I wouldn't give a stuff if I found out a picture of me at 2 years old with food on my face was out there.

It's a bit bloody dramatic feeling sorry for children or seeing it as an invasion of their privacy or humiliation.

Spikeyball · 15/04/2017 06:50

I share 'nice' photos of ds to friends only. His school put photos on that can be seen by anyone. I know my son will never care about photos of himself being on online so it is up to the adults who care for him to decide what is ok.

IkeaTatPrincess · 15/04/2017 06:56

Our first is due in a couple of months and we are currently grappling with this.

Our reasons for not wanting identifying pictures online have already been covered on this thread. More the choice thing than the 'falling into wrong hands' thing.

The only thing to add would be that if we share every iota of their lives from day 1, we would struggle to have the conversation with our child at whatever age they themselves start to use social media.

How do you talk to a child about online privacy and being careful to respect others' privacy if we haven't respected theirs?

Ultimately it's a very personal choice. I'm beginning to understand that parenting is the ultimate in self-expression and that's why it causes so much friction when people disagree with one another.

At the very least, I think children deserve for it to be thought about very carefully before parents decide what is the right level of sharing for their family.

TheEagle · 15/04/2017 06:59

I don't share photos of my children on social media.

Even if the setting is for friends only, if your friend comments on a photo then (I think, open to correction) that their friends can see the comment and see the photo.

People screenshot photos/threads on FB all the time. I was briefly part of a nasty group which just existed to b*tch about other groups. They shared all sorts of personal info from PMs, secret/closed groups etc.

I also admin a FB group and there are some fruitcakes out there in the ether of the Internet. I'd rather my smallies weren't exposed to that.

Glossolalia · 15/04/2017 07:03

DH and I agreed that we wouldn't post any photos of DD on FB. We asked friends and family to do the same. I don't want any photos of her online.

Thankfully most of my friends have respected this. She's 1 and only two photos have been posted (by friends). It annoying, but there's not much I can do about it.

I don't understand why anyone would post photos of their DC on FB. People always say "oh, I have family abroad who want to see photos of her" if that's the only reason, send them as a private message or set up a secret group as a PP has done. Sharing them for your friends and their friends to see is not for the benefit of Aunt Dory who's on holiday in Malaga for 10 nights

Angelicinnocent · 15/04/2017 07:04

I share some pictures of my children on fb but only things like family holidaysor parties. Nothing embarrassing and i never tag my children in them. If they are happy for their friends to see the pictures, they either tag themselves or share the picture

Booboo66 · 15/04/2017 07:07

Often when I take a picture my DD 7 asks to see it and then says 'can you put it on facebook' (DC have a lot of family abroad and it's the only way we communicate and picture share) my security settings are high and I have only friends and family on my account. If she ever requested not to do it I would of course respect that but I can't see that ever happening tbh. I think people often over think these things. As long as it's not naked photos shared online I don't see the problem.

Booboo66 · 15/04/2017 07:10

Add. Almost all my friends list also live a distance away or abroad and I only have people on there I would like to share with anyway.. Makes it easier to just post.

Booboo66 · 15/04/2017 07:12

theeagle you are incorrect. If you have your security settings set that way only mutual friends can see if you comment on a photo.

Fruitboxjury · 15/04/2017 07:13

I think fb and other sites should allow you to automatically delete anything more than a year old. If you have your photos stored elsewhere there's no need for anything older than a year to be saved online for the world to see when it's no longer relevant

KarlosKKrinkelbeim · 15/04/2017 07:16

Totally invasive. I don't understand these people who need to live their lives publicly. Not on Facebook or anything similar except LinkedIn for professional reasons.
Here's the thing; you're not famous, no one is really that interested.

lostatsea1 · 15/04/2017 07:17

I am concious of it and as they get older will be more selective and respect their privacy ....but I have to say if an adult is going to be really embarrassed by a childhood photo covered in food or in dodgy clothes then it's a sad state of affairs.

Get a grip

TheEagle · 15/04/2017 07:19

Thanks, booboo, I wasn't entirely sure. Sometimes I see photos from other people's pages because my friends have commented on them. Must be all to do with the individual's privacy settings.

exLtEveDallas · 15/04/2017 07:21

My FB is mostly photos of DD (and the mutt). Including one of her bare arse at 3 years old.

She's 12 now, knows all about them and doesn't care - in fact she often goes onto my FB to copy them so she can send to her mates.

Not all kids (or parents) will mind.

Spudlet · 15/04/2017 07:25

My personal rules are:
No location tagging
No embarrassing pics. No food on the face, bath time, potty pics, etc.
No captions with DSs name
Locked down privacy settings

I have friends and family spread all over the place, and those are my Facebook friends - it's a good tool for keeping in touch. With the following rules in place, I feel comfortable in sharing a few pics of DS.

Instagram is another matter altogether and my personal rules for posting pics are much more stringent - no pics showing his face in full, as well as all the other rules. I also have no personal information whatsoever on there. Most of my instagram pics are my dog, or the sky - not DS.

EveningShadows · 15/04/2017 07:27

I really don't understand the argument about parents posting photos as an ego boost . In what way does it boost my ego to share photos of my DC?

I do think there is a lot of hysteria about this issue but then we follow the line of a lot of posters on here, with not using a full name oh FB, having limited friends and tight privacy. No future employer of my DC could find the photos I've posted and I never post anything embarrassing anyway.

bugattiveyron · 15/04/2017 07:27

I don't post any pictures of my under 18s on Facebook as they have the right to make their own choice; my 13 year old doesn't have FB as he doesn't see the point so there have never been photos of him on it.
Some people post in the bath photos and so on

KarlosKKrinkelbeim · 15/04/2017 07:28

It is not about whether people are embarrassed in later life. You cannot possibly know whether they will be or not. We now have an entire body of law based on the premise that people have a right to control what happens to their personal information and who has access to it. That's there for good reason.

Justanothernameonthepage · 15/04/2017 07:30

I don't share pictures of DS on social media (save for a couple of carefully chosen ones). One as often the sites can change the agreement rules pretty easily and I don't like the idea of Facebook deciding to earn money by selling on images in 5 years time. Two, we have no idea of the impact it could have on kids. Three, I'd have hated it as a teenager. And Four, it is so hard to control once out there. Oh and five, if he ever did anything newsworthy, than the less embarrassing stuff out there, the better. But no problem with other people choosing to do it.

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