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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu - photos of children on kids on social media

295 replies

ThisAintALoveSong · 14/04/2017 23:02

Hope the title of the thread isn't too alarming, just not sure how to word it.

I'm guilty of posting pics of my young kids on social media, I can't think of a parent I know who doesn't. Does it ever occur to the parent that one day the kid will grow up, find the photos online of them with food all over their faces/mud in their hair/their first day at school or whatever it might be and be embarrassed? Or feel like their privacy was invaded in some way?

I post things like when my youngest was being weaned onto solids and had food all over his face - I found it amusing and cute and yet it was a big milestone in his life. Or when we've had day trips out or holidays, that sort of thing. Some people I know will post photos to show their kids are poorly etc. I don't tend to photograph kids when they are ill, it just wouldn't occur to me to do that.

Just wondered whether anyone has had a child grow up to say 'mum that pic of me you put up when I was 5 years old eating mud (or whatever) is really embarrassing' - social media has played a big part in people's lives in the last decade so it could have happened.

I'm not looking to judge anyone here or be judged. It's only just occurred to me how my kids might feel when they get older. (Also I was going through old Kodak photos of me and my family from the early 90s and I'd be pretty embarrassed at some of them if they were plastered online. I'd probably still find it highly amusing though)

OP posts:
LouKout · 15/04/2017 07:30

Really not getting the difference between FB photos and the family photos of me as a child tbh. Noine cared about privacy then..my mum didnt hide them away

Ameliablue · 15/04/2017 07:32

My kids aren't bothered by photos of when they were young, but I do now check with them and they don't tend to allow me to take anything embarrassing in the first place.

KarlosKKrinkelbeim · 15/04/2017 07:32

if you can't see the difference between fb and family photos I guess expecting you to grasp the ethical issues relating to minors and privacy is probably unreasonable
Wilful blindness, I think it's called

coconuttella · 15/04/2017 07:34

I think people are being extremely precious about this and not posting ANY photos.. so what if a photo of your child is share with friends on Facebook if it wasn't embarrassing or humiliating? I really wouldn't care if a photo of me was posted (unless it was designed to embarrass or humiliate).

Are those in the public eye who take great care to protect the privacy of their children wrong for allowing the occasional family photo shoot to appear? Perhaps we shouldn't even know what Prince George looks like until he's 18!

coconuttella · 15/04/2017 07:35

... I meant 'by not posting photos' rather than 'and posting photos'

KarlosKKrinkelbeim · 15/04/2017 07:38

I couldn't give a shit what Prince George looks like at any age, tbh.
If privacy protection is "precious" away off and tell all the businesses spending millions to implement stringent new laws in this space, including laws relating to protection of minors. I'm sure they'll be pleased to hear they don't have to bother. But I don't see why you get to decide what should and shouldn't be acceptable to you children in terms of access to their data for years to come. Just plain unethical and wrong.

LouKout · 15/04/2017 07:39

Karlos i can grasp it but im talking about pictures set to friends only. Wilful worrying more like.

Spikeyball · 15/04/2017 07:40

Karlos I know my child will never care. it will always be my decision. You do know that with some children.

TheEagle · 15/04/2017 07:47

I just think it's foolish to believe that your photos could never potentially be shared with someone you don't want them shared with.

Anyone can screenshot a photo from FB and share that with anyone they like. I'm not trying to be hysterical about it, or cry paedophile, but just saying.

sticklebrix · 15/04/2017 07:47

We don't share anything but photos do pop up in club activities sometimes (which I don't like but accept bcs the photos aren't linked to us by name).

My older DC have said that they are very glad to have a clean digital footprint. Not posting photos ourselves made it easier for us to teach them not to post photos of other people without permission.

Booboo66 · 15/04/2017 07:48

theeagle yes that's correct, there is a setting on your account that allows friends of friends to see things, usually if someone connected is tagged.

I'd be amazed if any adult felt embarrassed or violated by a picture of them standing in front of a landmark or the likes aged 4

BeyondThePage · 15/04/2017 07:49

You cant stop people seeing what you post on a public post but you can set your own posts to be friends only so noone sees them

Unless THEY simply copy and paste and share with whomsoever they wish to. I have a mother like that! I no longer share anything on facebook.

Screwinthetuna · 15/04/2017 07:52

No, I don't understand how people are embarrassed about most childhood pictures. I'd be more embrassed about recent pictures if it wasn't a particularly flattering one! Most people were cute as babies/children...the only reason I can think of is if they had some kind of a deformity that was removed and haven't told people or something to that effect.

That being said, I don't post pictures of my child naked or near naked and neither do I post unflattering pictures or pictures of them crying/having a tantrum or covered in their own poo or something. I've seen parents post pics of their toddler after having a poo explosion etc and find that inappropriate. I also find the 'picture of doing first wee/poo on the toilet' inappropriate to share with people.

It's common sense, basically. Is it an invasion of my child's privacy and embarrassing to show them crying on the potty, yes, is it likewise to show them smiling on their first day of school, no.

I wish I had more pictures of myself as a child and cherish and share the very few I do have.

I think they're more likely to embarrassed as a grown adult when they look back at the pictures that they themselves have shared as teenagers, such as drunk on the toilet in a club/smoking a spliff/the 10000 'I fancy my own face' selfiesGin

Batgirlspants · 15/04/2017 07:52

Sorry op but you clearly don't have teens do you?

My dds spend half their lives posting photos of themselves and their friends on line.

I seriously dought any normal teenager would be traumatised by a picture of their 3 year old self eating a chocolate bar.

Anyone can take photos of your children in a public place. Anyone could share those photos noonr ever has total control over this and never will.

Batgirlspants · 15/04/2017 07:54

Agree though with screw posting poo explosions or any potty pics is hideous and the parents stupid.

n0ne · 15/04/2017 07:59

I live in a different country to most of my family and friends so I use social media to keep in touch with them. I post a pic of DD less than once a month and pics of myself even less. Nothing embarrassing - a birthday pic, Christmas, if we're on a particularly photogenic day out or holiday.
I don't think it's a violation of her privacy, there's nothing candid.

coconuttella · 15/04/2017 07:59

I'd be amazed if any adult felt embarrassed or violated by a picture of them standing in front of a landmark or the likes aged 4

Completely agree... I think anyone worried about something like this has a control issue. I understand the need for digital safety and privacy, but to be concerned that my parents' friends may have seen a photo of me (and even it was available to someone years later with the tenacity to search for it) when I was 5 outside a castle on a sunny day is ridiculous and bordering on paranoia.

I accept there are some people who overly intrusive or embarrassing photos, and that there is some over-sharing online, but to react to that by being a digital hermit is extreme.

ElspethFlashman · 15/04/2017 08:01

My BILs partner posts photos of her unwell child for sympathy.

The poor child is 3, he's pale as death with chickenpox all over him, he looks lethargic and miserable. And she's there snapping away.

Then there's always one in her Pieta pose, with very poorly child cuddled into her very sick. Her looking beatific. Likely snapped by her tween for her.

And we get about 6 pics like that every time he's sick or has D+V or a bad night.

Endless "Aw poor you Hun, look how he needs his Mama!" underneath.

Hmm
coconuttella · 15/04/2017 08:04

I couldn't give a shit what Prince George looks like at any age, tbh.

Neither do I, but you seem to be wilfully missing the point. By your logic, no photos of children should be online, at all, full stop, as they will be available potentially for ever, and the child will not have been able to give their permission for this.

mimiholls · 15/04/2017 08:05

I agree op, have never posted any pics of dc on social media. They can choose to do what they want when they are old enough.

zen1 · 15/04/2017 08:06

I have a teen (14) and a pre-teen and neither of them have ever been remotely interested in social media and don't have Facebook/insta/snapchat etc. They've just got zero interest (though do like their gadgets for games etc). Both of them hate having their photos taken and one came across a relative who had uploaded a video of YouTube where they were in the foreground and asked me to ask them to remove it (which they did).

Maybe they have been influenced by me though, as I'm not on any social networking sights (only a couple of forums) and hate the idea of there being a photographic record of my life for other people to see. I occasionally email photos to relatives but that's it.

coconuttella · 15/04/2017 08:07

Elspeth

I think your BIL's partner is over-sharing and being inappropriate, but that's far removed from the 'no photos of children ever' that some seem to be saying.

SailAwayWithMeHoney · 15/04/2017 08:10

Think it depends on who you have on your social media, who can see what you post etc and what you post.

I'm 25 and my mum still posts ridiculous embarassing photos of me with "ooh look how ugly you look in this one Honey" Hmm

Batgirlspants · 15/04/2017 08:10

Each to their own. Personally my dd was recently 18 and I
Posted a pic of her aged 4 looking cute. She thought it was funny.

Mind you I had to tell her to look on FB because no one under 30 seems to be on there now. It's just us oldies Grin

Banananana · 15/04/2017 08:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.