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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu - photos of children on kids on social media

295 replies

ThisAintALoveSong · 14/04/2017 23:02

Hope the title of the thread isn't too alarming, just not sure how to word it.

I'm guilty of posting pics of my young kids on social media, I can't think of a parent I know who doesn't. Does it ever occur to the parent that one day the kid will grow up, find the photos online of them with food all over their faces/mud in their hair/their first day at school or whatever it might be and be embarrassed? Or feel like their privacy was invaded in some way?

I post things like when my youngest was being weaned onto solids and had food all over his face - I found it amusing and cute and yet it was a big milestone in his life. Or when we've had day trips out or holidays, that sort of thing. Some people I know will post photos to show their kids are poorly etc. I don't tend to photograph kids when they are ill, it just wouldn't occur to me to do that.

Just wondered whether anyone has had a child grow up to say 'mum that pic of me you put up when I was 5 years old eating mud (or whatever) is really embarrassing' - social media has played a big part in people's lives in the last decade so it could have happened.

I'm not looking to judge anyone here or be judged. It's only just occurred to me how my kids might feel when they get older. (Also I was going through old Kodak photos of me and my family from the early 90s and I'd be pretty embarrassed at some of them if they were plastered online. I'd probably still find it highly amusing though)

OP posts:
Amockingjayhey · 15/04/2017 09:06

Before anyone accuses me of being militant... If a picture of DC end up online at a party or some such I'm not going to cry myself to sleep over it. Or ban people taking party photos!

Natsku · 15/04/2017 09:19

I post pictures on Facebook because its the easiest platform to share pictures with my family and friends, most of which do live in a different country than me (I moved abroad). My privacy settings are set to friends only so no one else can see them unless a friend copies/pastes which to be honest I'm not sure why they would do.

I don't post anything embarrassing beyond the mild embarrassing photos like food on the face but that's unlikely to bother DD when she grows up. As she gets older (she's 6 now) I post less and less and she gets to say if she doesn't want something posted.

EwanWhosearmy · 15/04/2017 09:19

Every time I take a picture of my 10 yo she demands I put it on FB Grin

Then again they are general photos of a trip to the park etc. Nothing embarrassing and no nudes/underwear.

coconuttella · 15/04/2017 09:34

I think people who are militantly obsessed with no photos of their kids and those who overshare pictures of their child pooing or sick are usually the same types of parents.

I think it's down to self-absorption, and that's not an attractive characteristic.... to be either you need to be self-absorbed, albeit in very different ways.

Glossolalia · 15/04/2017 10:06

How would not posting photos of DC be self absorbed?

coconuttella · 15/04/2017 10:17

Because it's indicative of being so concerned about your 'public image' (even though it's not really public if restrictive settings are on FB) that you don't want anyone to see photos of you.

Glossolalia · 15/04/2017 10:21

There are lots of reasons that people restrict their SM presence. Not all of them are because people are self absorbed...

Applesandpears23 · 15/04/2017 10:25

We don't post pucs of our kids online ever. I am worried about their feelings when they are older and that knowing info about them increases the risk of kidnap. I know it is remote but I don't see any benefit to sharing on facebook. We use email or memory sticks to share photos with family and my friends either see them regularly or don't really care. I think it makes my facebook feed more interesting too and less upsetting for friends I know who are suffering from infertility etc.

PurpleMinionMummy · 15/04/2017 10:36

Fb can be hacked, so can emails. If you're that concerned you would never digitally share photos.

Pics can be screenshot, email ones can be too. Most kids are abused by someone they know anyway if this is peoples concern.

Lewwat · 15/04/2017 10:47

*I think people who are militantly obsessed with no photos of their kids and those who overshare pictures of their child pooing or sick are usually the same types of parents.

Annoying*

This

jennyfromtheblock1975 · 15/04/2017 11:42

It may be a bit militant to have a blanket ban on all photos, but it's also a form of control freakery to decide that your children ARE going to be seen on social media because that's what you want, when they're too young to consent to it.

Lots of people saying how their kids love it - well, you got lucky. There has already been one case of a teenager suing her parents for abusing her privacy and theyre will probably be more.
www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2016/09/14/austrian-teenager-sues-parents-for-violating-privacy-with-childh/

busbymyhouse · 15/04/2017 11:53

My friends who don't do social media are less self absorbed than my friends who do. I disagree that not posting pics of your kids is just as self absorbed as posting obsessively. Some people have simply no interest in taking pictures and providing a running commentary on the mundane details of their daily lives. That does not make them self absorbed. On the contrary. The best way to control your public image is to have a thought out online presence.

They key as with anything is awareness and self awareness.

BadToTheBone · 15/04/2017 12:24

When my ds went to secondary school there was a few months where everyone tried to gather as much info from everyone else's parents social media and the funniest pics were posted on Instagram or wherever. My ds thanked me for never having put any embarrassing pics of him on my feed. There was some there but never ones which could be used to embarrass him. It was all lighthearted joshing but he was still grateful it didn't happen to him.

BadToTheBone · 15/04/2017 12:27

I should say ds is 15 now and much much more confident, I could put anything of him on now and he wouldn't care, lol, but at 12-14 that's much harder to brazen out.

Lonelymummyof1 · 15/04/2017 12:36

I post alot about my little one and pictures to.
It is not to boost my ego at all.
Its just I spend 24 hrs a day with her and have nothing else to talk about.
She has a life limiting illness but has none of these pages like others that are dedicated to followers ( just my own personal page )
I am soo proud of her and like to shate with family and friends how well she is doing and what a beautiful lil person she is.turning in to.
I also use it to look back on things.

coconuttella · 15/04/2017 13:17

My friends who don't do social media are less self absorbed than my friends who do. I disagree that not posting pics of your kids is just as self absorbed as posting obsessively. Some people have simply no interest in taking pictures and providing a running commentary on the mundane details of their daily lives. That does not make them self absorbed. On the contrary. The best way to control your public image is to have a thought out online presence.

I agree... there are lots of very self-absorbed people who post a lot online, and lots of people who aren't self-absorbed and just aren't interested. My issue is with those who don't post any photos, not because they have no interest in doing so, but because they are so concerned about their image and that someone they may not know may see a photo of them.... so what they see a photo - why is that such a big deal (if it's not humiliating or degrading)?

Batgirlspants · 15/04/2017 13:33

jenny the teenager isn't suing about her privacy is she though? For a teenager yo sue her parents there's going to be a hell of a back story.

apples are you really really thinking your face book friends are plotting to kid nap your children? Shock

Each to their own but again I do see those who absolutkey forbid anyone in the family putting nice photos of their kids doing nice kid stuff a tad controlling.

Of course some families have safeguarding issues so that's different.

nooka · 15/04/2017 19:07

The case reported in the Independent is a young woman who says that her parents posted intimate photographs of her and shared them with 700 'friends' and then refused to take them down when she asked.

I really can't see that as in any way comparable with the photos that I have shared over ten or so years with less than 40 friends and family (and of course I've got my settings to friends view only, why would you not do that, it's only one click of a button) none of which I'd worry about sharing with a stranger or worry that they'd cause my children humiliation (why the hell would I take/share humiliating pictures of my children?).

There is more than one way to have an online presence after all.

Honeybee79 · 15/04/2017 19:13

I share pics of my DC on FB and instagram. I have my own "rules" though about what I will/will not share, so hopefully none if it ends up being embarrassing. Normally they are quite "staged" photos anyway, eg DS holding his baby sis when she came home from the hospital, etc.

Fairybella · 15/04/2017 19:23

I always worry who is actually viewing your child?? And why?
Would you want your child's image taken and used for some porno? Do you know 100% everyone viewing that image is thinking " aww how cute" not something more sinister?
It's easy to locate a small child's school just by the colour of a jumper and your location! So many things to consider... it's to much of a scary workd

gandalf456 · 15/04/2017 19:23

I only post snaps, nothing embarrassing. I wouldn't take or keep pictures they would not anyone to see. My eldest asks me to post pictures occasionally. The older one is on Instagram anyway. Most kids are well versed in social media and it probably perturbs them less than it does us because they have grown up with it

Allthebestnamesareused · 15/04/2017 19:32

The cute kiddy ones won't be the problem though - it will be their drunk selfies that will cause them problems!

DixieNormas · 15/04/2017 19:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thelostboy · 15/04/2017 19:34

I've never posted a pic of my kids, other than group show where I don't identify them. I never even refer to them by name on my social media accounts.

My DW works in child protection and has seen some serious fallout when colleagues have posted personal stuff on FB which has got shared via friends of friends to the wrong people, so we just don't risk it. I never refer to her by name or post photos either.

Eldest now has his own Facebook profile, and operates under the same rules. He posts pics of himself occasionally, but not of the family.

HuckleberryGin · 15/04/2017 19:38

I post pictures of my kids so that my mum, sister and family and friends all over the country/world can see what we are up to. I'm not friends on fb with anyone I don't actually like/a friends in real life with, and my account privacy settings are high.

So it is nothing like standing on a street corner handing out photos.