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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be quite shocked at how some people speak to their kids?

404 replies

IndiaGrace · 14/04/2017 18:44

Today I went to the shops. DD was in nursery so it was a very rare child free outing.

Shopping centre is located in nearest city, in what is quite a rough area but it obviously attracts shoppers from miles around.

I lost count of the number of (presumably) parents I heard speaking in really nasty ways to their kids. I'm not talking losing the rag and telling them off. I mean one woman hissing "shut up and leave me alone" to a wee girl in a trolley who must have been about 3 or 4. Another one saying to her small son "you're so annoying just stop talking" - a few examples of this. "Stop asking me for Stuff, you're doing my nut in" etc.

Now I understand that tempers get frayed. It was busy, people are fraught. Sometimes when my DD (who is two and tries my patience plenty) is yammering away when I'm trying to concentrate, I resist the urge to tell her "shhh" and if there are times I do need to tell her to be quiet, I will gently say "shh, you need to be quiet now" but it would never occur to me to nastily tell her to shut up or to leave me alone etc.

I suffer from very low self esteem, have done all my life, and I'm determined my DD will not grow up to feel the same way. This might be colouring my view as to why I feel so strongly. Is it as big a deal as I think it is? Or am I being over sensitive about it?

This is something I have noticed a lot since DD came along. It really gets my back up. I wouldn't say anything though. Generally they don't tend to look like the kind of people to respond well to that kind of confrontation.

OP posts:
Littlepeople12345 · 14/04/2017 18:47

We can't all be perfect Wink

User7654 · 14/04/2017 18:48

YABU.

HTH.

Original poster
IndiaGrace · 14/04/2017 18:48

Oh I'm by no means perfect. But I think I'm quite nice to small children generally.

OP posts:
TisapityshesaGeordie · 14/04/2017 18:49

You've only got one, and they're only two. Give it a few years....

Original poster
IndiaGrace · 14/04/2017 18:49

If I'm unreasonable then I can fully accept that but can you explain why I'm unreasonable? Because no, your comment doesn't help with no explanation.

OP posts:
Original poster
IndiaGrace · 14/04/2017 18:50

I do appreciate that, tisapity. But I really would like to think I wouldn't be plain nasty to a toddler. Perhaps I'm wrong though.

OP posts:
SmileEachDay · 14/04/2017 18:52

Out of interest, what would you say y'know if it wasn't a rough are with that kind of people?

HolditFinger · 14/04/2017 18:52

YANBU. I'm shocked by some of the things I see and hear at times. Latest one was some old fishwife shouting at her toddler, calling him a 'fucking spaz.' Nice.

user1482079332 · 14/04/2017 18:52

Its really sad, kids will internalise the way parents speak to them. Makes my blood boil when I hear parents swearing or being overly critical to their kids

MmmmDonuts · 14/04/2017 18:52

I saw a woman walking out of asda today taking big fast strides whilst her 2 year old girl dangled by the wrist and her toes scraped along the floor. I felt like punching the bitch mother
(The mother seemed to have forgotten her child had little legs and a short stride and didn't bother looking at the fact she was being dragged and dangled)

Fairyliz · 14/04/2017 18:53

I'm with you op its bloody hard work bringing up children ( I have two) but I have never felt the need to talk to them like this.
It also worries me that if they talk to their children like this in public what do they say at home.

Tottyandmarchpane1 · 14/04/2017 18:53

Sometimes it is fine to tell them they are getting on your wick or to say leave me alone. There is way more to low self esteem than that. And honestly, kids who witter on constantly or are being generally irritating do need to be told. I think you are projecting your own self esteem issues and judging other parents who are probably doing a perfectly good job. My kids know I love them even if I tell them to buzz off now and again.

feathermucker · 14/04/2017 18:53

The school holidays can be very stressful for some people. What you've seen is a snapshot of people's day.....literally just that.

We all have our stress points and you'd be naive to think you'll never hit yours with your child. You might not, but it's more than likely that, at some point, you'll be likely to snap.

InMemoryOfSleep · 14/04/2017 18:53

I totally agree OP, it really makes me mad when you hear parents telling their kids to 'shut up' - I would never even say that to my DH, let alone my child! Fully accept that people lose their temper, it happens, but you still have to be the adult in the situation, and I just think using that kind of language is really awful - what message is that giving to the child?!

AmysTiara · 14/04/2017 18:53

I agree. I know children can be annoying but some people just speak to them like dirt.

Littlepeople12345 · 14/04/2017 18:53

Saying shut up isn't nasty.... screaming "shut the fuck up you little twat " is nasty. Seriously wait until your DC is older and answers back.

Why is your day at nursery today?

Original poster
IndiaGrace · 14/04/2017 18:53

Probably nothing, smile. Im a terrible coward on account of the low self esteem you see. Also, as I said, I may be over sensitive and I genuinely wouldn't like to pull someone up who was just having a bad day.

OP posts:
TheStoic · 14/04/2017 18:53

It's not nice. I wonder if they were absolutely at the end of their tether.

dinosaursandtea · 14/04/2017 18:54

YANBU. It's unacceptable - and yes, people with different backgrounds might phrase it differently and I think the OP made it pretty clear she knows that.

AnitaPallenbergsKnees · 14/04/2017 18:54

YANBU
I have heard some people speak to their children in a terribly upsetting way.
And I don't care if it was a one off - under pressure day,the way one man spoke and acted to his tiny little son in a shop in Exeter once shocked every one there.

Foldedtshirt · 14/04/2017 18:54

It's not an unreasonable observation that some people trash talk to their dc OP. Nor is it an unreasonable aspiration to not do it yourself. I'm very far from perfect and I've said unkind things to my dcs in anger or exasperation but yanbu to say there's no need for that casual unkindness and carelessness.

Original poster
IndiaGrace · 14/04/2017 18:55

What does that have to do with anything, littlepeople? She goes three days per week while I work, but my office was closed today. I put her in for a few hours anyway so I could do some housework and some shopping. Is that ok?

OP posts:
WaitrosePigeon · 14/04/2017 18:57

I felt like punching the bitch mother

Classy.

I know what you're saying OP but we've all lost our shit once or twice. Saying shut up isn't that bad.

TheBatPig · 14/04/2017 18:57

My mum was very gentle and nicely spoken to me, rarely raised her voice. Yet I still have self esteem issues despite the way she parented. Also I was the kind of child that approach would work on. My own daughter, not so much. I have to be much more stern to get her to listen and do as she is asked. Gentle approach doesn't always work. Also, I'm not sure it's a good idea to pussyfoot around kids all the time...what happens when they go to school etc. Might be in for a bit of a shock.

As to what you overheard, well they may have been annoying. I don't see anything wrong in saying that to a child if it's true.

Original poster
IndiaGrace · 14/04/2017 18:58

I agree that compared to some stuff, shut up isn't that bad. But I can't fathom telling a two year old to shut up. I just think it's grim.

OP posts:
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